Everything changed..

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by SMD, Jun 16, 2015.

  1. SMD

    SMD Member

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    Hi guys, I've received some great advice on here before and once again I'm in need of some guidance.

    About a month ago I attended a team BBQ and got rather cosy with a team mate. She started playing for us about a year ago and I've always liked her but up until then she had a girlfriend so obviously I didn't act on it. Anyway, in the BBQ we were flirting and were cuddled up next to each other all night...until I got really drunk and had to be put to bed - I know, nightmare! Apparently she was telling my other team mates that she really liked me and if I hadn't been put to bed then something would have probably happened between us.

    The next day we literally spent it by each other's side again, holding hands and stuff. For the following weeks we were literally inceperable. We went on dates, she hungover my house a lot and we were just genuinely enjoying each other's company. During these weeks I realised just how much I like this girl - I mean, she is gorgeous and has this amazing sense of humour..she's for ever making me laugh.

    But about a week or so ago her ex found out that we were seeing each other and she proper kicked off. I've known her ex for a while and she is crazy!! She bombarded this girl with horrible messages and even started sending threats that she was going to kill herself. Since then everything has changed!

    I haven't seen her in over a week and we barely speak anymore. I'm trying to give her space to clear her head and sort things out with her ex but I'm beginning to think that maybe she doesn't even want to be with me anymore because of the hassle. I miss her so much and I really don't want this to be it for us. We have so much fun together and I generally care so much for this girl - she literally was like a breath of fresh air.

    I guess I just want some advice on how to handle this? If you've reached this point, thank you so much for taking be time to read it!
     
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    Last edited: Jun 16, 2015
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Sadly, there isn't a lot that you can do. When people go through breakups, they need time after to cope with the breakup. They need to grieve and mourn the loss of the relationship and get through yhrir anger. They also need time to take a step back and say 'what went wrong, did I miss red flags?'

    It sounds like your teammate isn't going through a clean break. Like she and her ex are still emotionally involved, even if they are not technically a couple.

    There isn't anything that you can do to make this girl get unemotional involved with her ex. She has to work through it in her own way. While that is happening, she isn't good dating material, no matter how hot and funny she is.

    You can tell her that you think her ex is a manipulative douchebag. That she is using fear to control your teammate. That it's not just about you wanting to date her, it's about wanting her to be ok and not an emotional mess.

    But your teammate has to make her own choices. Frequently, in these kind of situations, people will choose to stay with manipulative or abusive partners. It's sad, it's complicated and there is nothing you can do to but say your bit and then accept whatever she chooses.
     
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  3. SMD

    SMD Member

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    Awwwh I knew I could count on your Bluenote, once again you've offered some top advice!

    Yeah I know, I've never been in a relationship like that so I can't imagine how hard it is. That's why I'm trying to give her space...but it's so hard! We've gone from talking everyday to not talking at all, I miss our conversations. I miss her!

    I totally agree! Even if she doesn't end up with me, I just hope she doesn't go back to the abusive ex because she deserves so much more than that.

    Okay, hopefully she'll come around soon and I'll have the chance to say what I want to say!
     
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