Etiquette on breaking it off with casual dates?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by outwestmidwest, Mar 20, 2016.

  1. outwestmidwest

    outwestmidwest New Member

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    I jumped pretty headfirst into dating after avoiding all romance for three years to focus on work and I just don't know the rules post-college. I've been casually seeing a girl who I really like for about four months but we had been taking it very slowly since she just got out of a relationship. We slept together for the first time last week.

    I've seen a few other people since we met. They've been somewhere between one night stands and dating. With all of them, I've slept with them right away (this is not making me sound good) and have had vague plans to go on a second date, and we've texted, etc. It hasn't happened yet because of challenging schedules (one is in an open relationship and busy often, the other lives in a different city that I travel to for work sometimes). One other girl and I hooked up when we got super drunk, and we've hung out since and I honestly cannot tell if she wants it to be romantic or not.

    Even though I'm not exclusive or in a relationship with this other girl, it would make me feel guilty to be actively sleeping with anyone else. So all of this to say that I want to end the other casual situations. If it were me, I'd want the person to text me and be honest. Is that jerk move? I don't know that these situations were serious enough to warrant a face-to-face conversation, and I guess my millennial instincts say a phone call is wrong too.

    What would you do?

    Thanks!
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    First off, if you want to bang a girl on the first date, that does not make you "sound bad." I am not a fan of 'slut shaming.' As long as everyone is a consenting adult, no one has any right to judge you.

    Second, how I would handle things would be different depending on the girl and the context. I don't think that you have to give everyone an announcement. I think it will come up 'in the moment.'

    For example if open relationship girl texts you for a date, just tell her 'I would still like to be friends, but I am getting serious with another girl.'

    I don't think you have to do anything about super drunk hook up girl except not get super drunk around her.

    Think of this like 'coming out.' Do you make a big announcement, or do you just talk honestly when the situation comes up?

    And good luck with Ms. Right.
     
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    greylin, Spygirl and rac like this.
  3. outwestmidwest

    outwestmidwest New Member

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    Thanks! This is calming. And thanks for the reminder for sex positivity! Sometimes it's easier to do that for others than myself.
     
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    Bluenote likes this.

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