ending it soon.....is it the right choice???

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Frost, Nov 20, 2013.

  1. Frost

    Frost Active Member

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    When you are in a relationship which you think ending it soon is the right choice for yourself and if you thought that it is the right choice, then obviously something wasn't right in the relationship...it doesn't make sense that you would still want it....
    .....without even trying to work on it....

    those are the scenario that i want your advice or thoughts if that is the right thing.....even if you still love the person so much.....
     
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  2. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

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    Re: ending it soon.....is it the right choice...

    I don't think there's a countdown once you enter a relationship. Enjoy the colossal or micro moments , as long as it made you happy to the edge of heaven, create beautiful memories, grab the experience and keep walking.
     
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  3. Frost

    Frost Active Member

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    Re: ending it soon.....is it the right choice...

    There are small issues in the relationship that we haven't talked about...as in sit and discuss whats wrong with the relationship...we just messaged each other and our schedules is not matching i'm working she's at home and the only time i can meet her is after my work which if we stayed late out shes having this guilt feeling that i have work tomorrow, like i shouldn't stay late with her cause she knows that i have an early work the following day..but for me wtf if i stayed late because i'm with her it doesn't matter as long as i'm happy and wanna be with her.... Aside from that small issues she said we're going on a different phases in our life like my age is for a long term and she doesn't know if this is what she wants in life( btw this is a May-December affair,,12yrs age gap and her first girl to girl relationship)...which she doesn't want me to wait for nothing as she will still go to college abroad and she doesn't know if she can handle a LDR thing..bottom line she over thinks...
    and She decided to end the relationship as it is better to end it early as to invest more feelings and have a terrible ending.

    here i am heart broken and there's a lot of "what ifs" or "if Only".. in my mind....i know i haven't showed her more of what i can....i don't know if my decision now is the right thing to do....(taking chances) which to mend the friendships so at least i can still talk to her....but i'm hurting even more.... she agreed to it as long as we are on the same page of not having the relationship back.....she said shes trying to move on and i should too....but being her friend is the only thing i cant think of just to talk to her...i don't wanna hold any grudges....i don't know.......12 days had passed since she dumped me....those sleepless nights with tears i cried.....5 months relationship prior we chatted for 6 months....what i'm thinking was to show her my effort even i know that it wont bring back the relationship....at least i tried...i don't know if i am just stupid or blinded by my feelings for her.....i dont know....
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: ending it soon.....is it the right choice...

    Dear Frost:

    I am sorry about what you are going through. I had come across this only after reading your reply to SA21's thread. I know how heart breaking this is. I think the effort you made is as good as anyone can make under the circumstance. It is good to at least try to figure out where things got wrong and see if you can change things. You have tried and I am glad that you have found ways to move on and you are using your circumstance to help others.

    Be well and good luck.
     
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  5. lynds126

    lynds126 Well-Known Member

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    Re: ending it soon.....is it the right choice...

    Frost,

    I think your feelings are still very fresh. While I understand the desire to want to talk to her, etc. it sounds like you need to allow yourself the time to get used to being yourself again. It's a very sad process but that's just what it is: a process. And in the end you'll be more yourself and better person =)

    "What if"'s are a funny thing; they seem to pop up a lot in life and can really drain a person. All the energy we spend on "what if"'s can be better spent on "what is" and adapting to the changes of everyday life. I'm not saying it's an easy, it's very much a task. Think of them as passing clouds. I guarantee you'll be much happier and content with yourself if you focus on this moment, on this day =) I hope I was of some help! And best of luck ^^ Be sure to keep us posted!
     
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  6. Frost

    Frost Active Member

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    Re: ending it soon.....is it the right choice...

    lynds126,

    Thank you....i'm still going through this process and its killing me big time....to the extent that i begged her and she just don't give 2nd chances.....i can't focus on my work...i can't eat....i can't do anything...i'm trying soooo hard....i'm falling to pieces....soooo hard... she said we're no good with each other...are we really not good with each other??? keep on thinking those things she said...and its all in my head been thinking about it over and over again....and it hurt so bad...i cant take it i cant shake it...i cant go on not loving her...but i know it will take time to fully recover from this i don't know when....there is no shortcut to this feeling...which i need to go through and deal with it...
     
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  7. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: ending it soon.....is it the right choice...

    Dear Frost:

    I can't seem to be able to dig for that one post Moses did but she wrote something about the feeling of loss in a breakup that sums things up. It was beautiful and bitter sweet. It was something about a person-sized hole is left in your life even with a good breakup and you would tempted to go back to the way it was just to fill that hole. If you still believe it was a wise thing to do then be confident that the empty spot she left behind is really meant for someone or something else. Try doing the things that you have missed because she didn't like them, it might seem superficial but this alone time can be therapeutic. Always always know that you will love again and be happy again, and if you use this time wisely, you will find someone more suitable.
     
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  8. Frost

    Frost Active Member

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    Re: ending it soon.....is it the right choice...

    greylin,

    Thank you so much.... i really do appreciate all the comments that has been posted here.....it will take a while to heal the pain i'm going through ( i don't know how long it will take me)... which every relationship we always have had is a gamble...and there's always a risk that we are gonna get hurt sooner or later which we trust them not to hurt us in some ways...but i think that's the nature of it... the country where i am right now (gulf country) so difficult to find (girl to girl) relationship, should be underground and you cant sense who is who...(just sharing)...
     
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  9. Frost

    Frost Active Member

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    Re: ending it soon.....is it the right choice...

    I'm thinking aloud....after begging and all which i didn't expected her to messaged me or what....after 6days she simply messaged me of "hey, how are you" its a mixed emotions i felt that time and my heart pumped like crazy...which i dont know what to say....then we started to casually chat without even mentioning how we feel after she dumped me...and i am asking myself WHY?....why she messaged me...which i know from the fact that she told me we're not meant to be...is she being nice?...or she just wanna know if i already moved on (which i'm not...i'm still hurting)...WHY?
    Its like all those 6days of grieving went to waste....and here i am again....
     
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