I think my mother is emotionally abusive. To me, her personality started deteriorating when I was 12 years old when we moved here in America. I don't know if I just started gaining maturity then and just came to realise how she really was or if she really just started getting worse. She's a good provider but she isn't a good emotional support. She became even bitter when she invaded my privacy and saw messages to my girlfriend back when I was 14. She was very upset that I was in a relationship with a girl. She started blaming herself and telling me how horrible it is that I was with a girl. She told me that being gay will ruin my future and its a sin (she's a hardcore christian) and all of that nice stuff you want your parents to tell you, unfortunately. That same day, she told me that she "knows everything" and that she's "the only thing I need". I don't even know what to say for that one. She made me sleep in her room for a few months and took everything I enjoyed as a kid after that. In the end, she decided that it's a phase and it's never been brought up again. I don't know if she's still in denial or she's just not speaking about it. Regardless, ever since then she has been worse to me. Ever since then I ended up being the worst child she has (she told me herself). She's so full of hate and anger that I can't stand it. She's so irrational to the point that she got mad at me for yawning. She's super controlling with my decisions even with my hair and clothes. She likes to berate me for my mistakes. When I make a mistake, she brings up all of the past issues she's faced with me and also those she assumed that I have done. She blames me for things that I have nothing to do with. I hate getting stuck with her in the car on those days where she is ticked off with me. She attacks my personality as we travel. In fact, I hate getting stuck with her anywhere. I hate travelling with her but she won't leave me behind. I remember when I was 14 or so, we went to Chicago to her friends'. We were in the train. I sat away from them because angry with me because apparently I always look like a boy and I had unintentionally dropped her camera lens prior to the train ride. She bashed me in front of her friend and everyone in the train. She told them how she caught me in a relationship with a girl and how horrible of a child I am. I felt so bad about myself. I just cried, covered my ears and hugged my knees. She used to use it against me too, threatening to tell my siblings and how they'll dislike me when she tells them. She also threatened to send me back to the Philippines(that's where we came from) in isolation if I was every "gay" again. Of the three children, I am the youngest. My family is a very traditional one. They taught me how to respect elders. But growing up, I've noticed that they don't give me respect at all especially my mother. In this house, I am expect to cower down when issues arise. I am not to speak. I am not to feel discouraged. I am not to defend myself. I can't believe people expect me to respect them when they give me no reason to. One day, I got fed up and I asked my mother if she could give me a little respect. Of course, she scoffed at me as if I'm not entitled to any respect at all. Then, she blew up on my face even further. It's awkward cause she always tells me that if I don't have anything nice to say, then I shouldn't say anything at all. But then she's a hypocrite and doesn't do what she preaches. I've never heard her berate my siblings as much as she berates me. I've never seen her belittle them either. I am now 18 and I feel shitty as ever. I am now in college, of her choice, with the major ,of her choice. She's still controlling. In fact, yesterday, she made me pack my clothes to put in her room because she plans to make me sleep in her room because she found a shirt on the floor of my room. Yes, she wants me, her 18 year old daughter, to sleep in her room with her because I left a shirt on my floor. I don't know how irrational this woman can get and I don't want to find out. She still ignores my feelings and opinions or everything I say. I'm getting to the point where I'm about to give up. I don't feel at home. I never did. I can't open up to anyone in this house because every time I do, I get bashed for it. I am discriminated in this house because of being different. I get nightmares where I ask her to give me support but her reaction is the same as when I asked her for respect. I don't have anyone to talk to in this house. I'm still technically in the closet as I've not officially come out. I plan to come out soon. And I know hell will break loose. When it does, I plan to leave. My friend offered refuge away from this house. My friend and her husband (who are both my best friends) offered to take me in until I can get up on my feet just so I can save myself from this madness. They told me that I can stay with them for as long as I have to and that they will help me to attain my goals (my plan is to work while I am with them while I wait to be enlisted in the military). I don't think I can stay here. I feel like my life is deteriorating as the day goes by. I feel like if I stay, I'll only end up dead. I don't want to say this but I dislike her. I can't stand to look at her. I can't stand to be near her. I can't stand to hear her. I am sorry. I know this is a long one, but I am really desperate for help and advice. I don't know who else to come to.I'm sick and tired and I want to save my life. Do you guys think my decision to leave is a substantial one?