Dumped after not being able to drive?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Bringmesunshine, Oct 23, 2018.

  1. Bringmesunshine

    Apr 18, 2018
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    I’ve been in a relationship with this woman for 3 years. She lives a few towns away from me. I’m always able to get to her by train, not a problem, and I love travelling by train anyway.
    The problem she has with me is that I don’t have a licence to drive. I’ve never had the courage to learn, I suffer from anxiety and she doesn’t seem to understand that. I do a lot of everything else in this relationship, I just don’t drive.. we have other small problems but this seems to be the main one..

    My question really is (as it’s been bugging me hugely)
    Is it really bad if a partner doesn’t drive? I’m worried for another relationship that they’d feel the same :(
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I am a little unclear if your gf broke up with you, or if this is a hypothetical question.

    Avoiding anxiety, if it impacts how you live your life is a problem. Her issue may be more that you are avoiding things, rather than working on healthier ways to cope with your anxiety. Is driving the only thing in your life that you avoid?

    You are fine not driving now, but in the future it could impact you. Not being able to drive your kids places (if either of you want kids), not being able to fix up a house, not being able to drive elderly parents, etc... Not driving would probably be a deal breaker for some people, but not for others.

    Putting a plan in motion to face your anxiety is a good idea. Good luck.
  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Before @Bluenote's advice, I would have just said, "Of course not, I would not stop wanting someone for not being able to drive."

    But Blue's advice has given me some more food for thought.

    I agree that it is good to face your anxiety and not a bad thing to pick up another skill. However, when it comes to driving, it depends on where you live. I have lived in a city where it was a rarity for someone to drive or own a car. I now live in a city where it is a hindrance not to have a car but that hindrance is slowly disappearing. It is changing in a way where having a car is quite a burden but the public transportation has not completely caught up yet. I have friends at my age who have lived here forever and have stopped liking to drive in this city. I have met young people who actually like driving but are starting to have problems driving here.

    For me though, I like that ability to hop in a car and scoot and drive to a whole different town if I were so inclined. I would never regret jumping with both feet into driving in my youth because of that.

    If your problem is just about driving, I would say, it doesn't hurt to take a class with a proper instructor. But it sounds more like you are having a relationship problem. It sounds like you are spending a lot of effort and not being appreciated for being you. I would say someone who loves you should take you as you are and not take you hoping for an improvement. If she doesn't want to take you as you are then it is her prerogative as it is yours to end things.
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2018

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