Does this make me bi?

Discussion in 'Bisexuality' started by alice19, May 30, 2018.

  1. alice19

    alice19 New Member

    Dec 5, 2017
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    So here's the thing. I've known I was a lesbian ever since I was 14 and started having fantasies about girls, noticing that guys weren't really my thing. I've always been pretty open about it and it's never really been an issue. I've dated a couple of girls and then got into a serious relationship with the girl I'm still with (I'm now 26, we've been together 5 years). I am a very sexual person and have a high libido, so I've always masturbated a lot and have had all sorts of fantasies about many different women.
    So here's the catch: I've always liked reading fan fiction on the internet, almost exclusively male/male, just because I feel like I identify more with the characters, but in the last couple of years I started reading erotic fan fiction as well (still only male/male) and realized it really turned me on. At first I was really freaked out about it because I had never really experienced sexual attraction to men, so the idea of getting off by reading about men having sex with each other was really weird to me, also because when I got over my initial reluctance and started masturbating to it, I quickly realized those were the best orgasms I had ever had (not just masturbating, I mean at all). I sort of accepted that concept without having to "rethink" my sexuality, mostly because I tried watching gay porn and it didn't really do much for me (translated: seeing dicks was a turn-off).
    Lately though I've had a celebrity male crush that I first didn't think much of (it wasn't the first one), but now I've started masturbating about it and it's really freaking me out (it's being going on for about six months and I have almost exclusively only been masturbating to him). I should also say that I've had a couple of guy crushes in the past (one of which was somebody I knew) and they have always been on guys that either are gay or I perceive as such. Also, the erotic fan fiction I read is always about the same few people, it doesn't "work" with just about anyone. If a guy who's generally perceived as hot were to hit on me I would not sleep with him (also cause I'm in a monogamous relationship, but that's not what I mean) but if this crush I have did, I think I'd go for it, which I have never thought I'd do before (once again, we're talking in theory because relationship, and also it would never happen anyway because we're talking about a famous guy).
    Is this a thing? Can I be a lesbian and be attracted to a very small number of gay-ish guys? Also I should point out that by "gay" I don't mean "effeminate", they could be different kinds of body types and masculinity/femininity.
    I'm sorry this was so long but I tried to give as many elements as possible in order to be clear. I would really appreciate any kind of input you may have.
    Thank you.
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    No, lesbians are not attracted to men. It’s just that words have certain meanings and lesbian means only attracted to other women.

    That being said, people fantasize about things they don’t actually want to do in real life. (Extreme examples are things like group sex, extremely rough sex, etc...) So fantasizing about gay dudes, or a celebrity doesn’t mean that when actually faced with the situation, you would want to have a penis and bang a dude.

    In many cases, what turns us on about our fantasies is more the underlying dynamic, or emotion. Feeling powerful, or like an exhibitionist, or afraid can be powerful turn ons. Just like fantasizing that someone is kind, or dominant, or cool can be very sexy. Obviously, it’s easier to project that on someone you don’t really know.

    It is also possible to be bisexual, to be primarily attracted to women, but also be attracted to a very small number of men. And it’s possible to be bisexual and be monogamous with your partner, be they male or female.

    Labels get funky, in that bisexual covers a big range. Someone who is bisexual, but is rarely attracted to women/ men has a different experience than someone whose attractions are split roughly 50/50. And someone who is bisexual and monogamous has a different experience than someone who isn’t monogamous by nature, but is trying to be because of outside pressure.

    I guess in the end, what matters the most is you. If you are really struggling with this, I am going to throw the therapy card. But if it doesn’t bother you that much and you can just roll with being ‘a little bisexual, monogamous to gf, digs jerking off to m/m fantasies,’ well, that’s totally your right. As long as everyone is a consenting adult, be who you are and don’t be ashamed.
  3. Writer23

    Writer23 Well-Known Member

    Jul 14, 2018
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    Hi Alice19,

    At one point, when I was in college, I arrived to class early. As I sat there ,a beautiful girl walked in and I was instantly attracted to her. I was like: “I’m gay.” Then, an attractive guy walked in. I felt the same way about him. At that point I was so confused about my sexuality. I now know that I am bisexual. It is so much confusing for bisexuals because there is that duality. I think it is completely natural to be attracted to both to some degree because we are all human. There is a book that is written by Lisa M. Diamond called Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire. The book contends that sexuality is fluid. I encourage you to read it. It sounds as if you are just finding yourself. Just be yourself and ,in doing so, you will find yourself. Just know that whatever you are, it is OK. It is also OK that you are not sure right now. It also might help to talk to a therapist. They can be very helpful you know. :)

    God Bless and Good luck


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