Does she still like me?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Crystalized_Infinity, Jul 6, 2015.

  1. Crystalized_Infinity

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    Hi friends :)

    I'm hoping for some help or advice on my situation - i will make it as brief as possible, but any help would be appreciated! In this story I will call her Alex.

    So Alex and I are the same age (29/30) and we dated 10-12 years ago. We had a very intense relationship that lasted 2-3 years. To this day we are not sure why we actually broke up. When we first broke up, we both started dating guys - I guess confusion was the cause, but whatever, we cheated on our partners multiple times to be with each other, but both admited (and still admit) we have no regrets.

    We stopped contacting each other, however every few years we have sent each other a few texts - caught up - and once we realize those feelings are still there, we have both always run back to someone else or stopped talking. For example she would text me out of the blue the name of a song and the song would be like a "how can i be with anyone but you" kind of song. And this would be after years of not talking.

    Earlier this year we started hanging out again, and after a while she messaged me to say she still had feelings for me and that we would make an amazing couple. We continued to message each other these things - however she was still with the same guy, and i was in a relationship with a girl (which has now ended).

    During this flurry of messaging we kept putting off actually seeing each other - but when we did, she basically said "I love you more than anyone i have ever met, however i just cant be with a woman, i'm not gay". So i left it at that.

    We angrily exchanged texts over the next weeks and she said things along the lines of "you expect me to be ready for you right now" etc etc.

    For the next few months we acted like nothing happened, however she has had increasing issues with her boyfriend.

    She does things like
    - Text me love hearts out of nowhere (we then back and forth love hearts)(yeah i know that's pure cheese hehe)
    - Tell me she is jealous of my other girlfriends
    - call me names that, well, you would call your partner
    - brings up our past A LOT and all the "missed opportunities" we had
    - we went out to dinner the other night and she told me it was such a romantic restaurant we should make it "our place"
    - she said "i love you" to me on the phone a few days ago

    but then does things like
    - say even though things are bad with her current BF, she is sure there is "another guy out there who would be kind"
    - when we hug (when we meet and say goodbye) she rushes it really awkwardly and almost seems to TRY and be distant from me physically - except when we play argue punch kind of thing.


    We've been spending an increasingly larger amount of time with one another, however i'm unsure what i should do? I still care about her so much after all these years, but it seems like there has always been roadblocks that have just built up too much.

    I have no intention of trying to break her and her BF up (he is doing that himself to be honest) - but i also want her to know how i feel. I also understand that her sexuality is a large part of this - but she can't be THAT naive to know the repercussions of the "non friend" things she says to me.

    Any advice would be wonderful - thank you :)
     
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  2. wonderlust

    wonderlust Well-Known Member

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    The feelings are obviously there for both of you but if she's not ready to accept herself and with that have the courage to stand by you then imo, there's not much you can do. While you may not be trying to break them up, it's already emotional infidelity and if you don't sit her down and have a straight talk with her then you might end up waiting on the rails for years to come.

    The thing is, while she truly does seem to be "the one that got away" or the love of your life, you need to consider the possibility that she won't go beyond just telling you how she feels and actually be with you. So it seems, at least from a third person looking in, you're being held back from going forward and seeing your own possibilities. I think it's unintentional, I'm sure she does love you to the point that she wants you in her life even if she is trying to plot out a different future for herself.

    But where does that leave you then? In my opinion, you have to tell her how you feel, in full, and know that maybe the consequence of it is that you actually exit from her life for a while. She needs to figure things out and if you simply go along with whatever signals and hopes she gives you, then maybe that isn't helping her see things through.

    I think that this might also give you the chance to reflect on how you feel as well. Who knows, perhaps you're also just getting really caught up in a push and pull kind of dynamic, hence you not being able to move past it.

    If you choose to just hang around and see whether she'll one day realize that her feelings for you are undeniable, then great but be prepared that it might take a lot of time... are you really willing to wait?
     
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Yes, she still like you.

    No, this isn't a healthy situation for you.

    Some times people are intensely attracted to each other, but can't make a relationship work. I once had a gf who got into hard drugs. No matter how amazing our connection was, she wasn't relationship material and I had to walk away.

    Your ex-gf isn't relationship material. She isn't able to face the truth and come out, which ruins an possibility of you gals being together. Since she's been like this for 10 years, so she is unlikely to change.

    And she isn't treating the bf or you very nice. She is undermining her relationship with the bf by trying to have something with you. Instead of just breaking up with him and moving on.

    But she has no intention of being with you. So she is being hurtful to you.

    "Intense relationship" sounds like code for a girl who was a total roller coaster to date. Personally, I wouldn't go there.
     
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    Crystalized_Infinity and rac like this.
  4. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

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    I'm just wondering, have you talked to her what the 'non-friend' things that she does are doing to you? I'm with @Bluenote, she has no intention of being with you. And the only ending I can see here is you walking away with a broken heart. So protect yourself, walk away now (if you do, be honest with her and tell her why.) She doesn't sound like one you should fall in love with. :(

    Goodluck.
     
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  5. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    Ack. I seem to be reading a lot of these forum messages about young women flirting with other women while insisting they aren't gay. I honestly don't know why so many women like to fuck with lesbians. The only reason I can come up with is that they don't take the feelings of lesbians seriously and think it's fun to screw with them. I'm so tired of hearing about these twits I'm going to say something I would normally never say, and that's the tell her to fuck off. Then move on from her. Why should you care if some asshoe likes you? She isn't worth your time.
     
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  6. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

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    Hey, not all of them are like that! ;)

    When I told my now gf I have not-so-friendly feelings for her, she initially said she couldn't. We tried to remain friends but I was the one who couldn't deal so we kind of drifted away from each other (I told her I needed the space to move on.) She later told me that during that period, there were times she badly wanted to hear my voice and she had to stop herself from calling because she was confused and that wasn't fair to me. And I think that's the problem here, @Crystalized_Infinity, Alex is not being considerate of your feelings. She does not respect your feelings or the boyfriend's. Granted that she may have felt the same way you feel but she also said she cannot be with you so those romantic things should have stopped if she is concerned about you at all. I think what she's doing is just giving you enough to keep wanting for more. And she's keeping the boyfriend as a reason to stop you for wanting what you deserve.

    I really want to support you on this, cheer you on and say you go and get the girl. She seems to want to be with you and maybe she's not ready yet like you said. But not only everything sounds complicated, it sounded really messy, too. So my advice remains the same, you need to stop and walk away. You sound like a sensible person, you deserve someone better.
     
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  7. sela9

    sela9 Well-Known Member

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    Like everyone else has said...you need to distance yourself and tell her to respect your feelings. I wouldn't bank on her leaving her boyfriend (Even if they aren't doing well). Who knows, she may never be comfortable with her sexuality and never come around fully and commit to you. I'm sure she loves you and thinks of you often, but may not ever be with you. Don't wait for her. Especially at 29/30.
     
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  8. Crystalized_Infinity

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    Hi everyone - thank you so much for your sincere comments and advice :)

    I ended up confronting her (admittedly via txt, not my finest moment) and calling her out on the stuff she's been doing. She instantly shut off into the "I'm not gay" routine and I called her out on the things she says to me - being the winner that she is she tried to turn it around on me, and implied that I'm the "hot and cold" one - argg!

    This was now just over a week ago - and weirdly enough, I feel so much lighter - like I have let go of a mental/emotional burden. She's tried to contact me a few times and I've just been very detached and nonchalant - which is really helping. In some ways I think I was just trying to convince myself that there was a fateful/logical motive for my feelings - if anything it has helped me develop my independence and detachment from such a negative situation.

    Thank you all again :)
     
    #8
    wonderlust likes this.

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