Does She Or Doesn't She

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by MousetrapLover, Apr 9, 2016.

  1. MousetrapLover

    MousetrapLover Active Member

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    Hey to everyone in the Afterellen world. I've got a bit of confusing and crazy story. And since I've always gotten amazing advice from you guys I decided to see if you could help me with this. All responses are appreciated.

    So it started about beginning of last year. Me and my family were at this wedding for my cousin. Well over there I was talking to my other cousin (the grooms brother) and he introduced me to one of his closest friends. We can call her S. Since the wedding was for the whole weekend, me and S. hung out a lot. Before I left to come home I got her number cause I thought she was pretty cool. (Side note: I was not out to anyone at this time)

    Well soon after that weekend we would text each other almost all day. I mean we would talk about anything. Since we had so much I common we just kept in touch. I always would text her when I felt like I needed someone to talk to and she would vice versa. About 3ish months after the wedding, S. and my cousin get into a relationship and I was crazy happy for them. Cause they were both very close to my heart.

    But me and S. just continued to get closer even after that. So close that I knew her secrets and she knew mine. And she was one of the first people I had come out to. We got crazy close but in my mind it was always as friends.

    That being said once she knew I was gay she would get uncomfortable and act weird and start ignoring me more and more. I started to figure she might have been homophobic so I kept my space. After a month or so the awkwardness just went away like magic. I don't know what happened but I was just happy to have my friend back. And she surprised me that my cousin proposed to her and that they were getting married soon. I was so happy for her. However she would always explain how much she loved my cousin and how great he was, which I don't mind he is nice. I started getting freaked out when she would send me screenshots of her and him sexting - I love my cousin but not that much that I wanna see his sexts. I told her I would rather not see that and she starts with the awkwardness again.

    Anyways couple of months passed and I was talking to S. and she invites me to one of her parties and I had to be somewhere else on that date so I told her I couldn't make it. S. got visibly upset so I told her I'll take her out for drinks so other day and she was okay with that but still visibly sad. Well my plans that I had for the day of S. party got changed to another day. So I chose to surprise her. Only to be shocked by the events that happen next...

    I go to S's house and when I turn the corner S. sees me and hugs me and out of nowhere kisses me. I was just in shock. When we pull back she just runs off. I felt uncomfortable and left the party.
    S texted me later that night like nothing happened. She just never mentioned it or the party after that. Although since that kiss S. would start getting all flirty and lovey dovey, which she wasn't like before. I don't know what to think. Is she into me or what?? Every time I mention my cousin (her now fiance) she changes the topic. I care about my cousin and I don't want him to get hurt but I don't know how to even explain anything if I don't even know whats going on.

    Since that party S. Has changed. I had always thought of S. I always thought of S. as a friend, I just don't know if she sees us as something different.
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think you have piqued her.

    Other than that her actions now are of two possibilities. 1. She has fallen for you for reals and does not have the courage to deal with it. 2. She hasn't fallen for you per se but she is using you for a thrill.

    I don't know about you, but if that was to happen to me, I wouldn't like either idea. Maybe there are many other reasons, I mean, people are complicated and not just two-dimensional. But she has gone beyond the bridal night drunken thing and now she is flirting. That is so not okay and she is being mean to both you and your cousin. So, if I were you, I would say something if she flirted again. I would say, "What are you doing? I don't like this and I don't like that you kissed me while trying to marry my cousin. I want to forget that because maybe you had a bit of drink and jitters, but this flirting is not ok."

    Don't be used by a questioning girl.
     
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  3. MousetrapLover

    MousetrapLover Active Member

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    Thanks for your response greylin.

    I have thought of both of those options before this post but never asked S. about them. I respect the heck out of my cousin and S. but I dont want to be stuck in a triangle of sorts.

    S. is a muslim like me (I'm more laid back while she prays 5 times a day) so I get her not wanting to deal with her sexual orientation. I do ask her about it when we get into deep conversations and she doesn't respond and tries to change the subject.

    As for the second option, I would hate that. I've been used like that before and it was one of the worst experience of my life. I do know she was not drunk during that kiss because as stated before she is a devoted muslim.

    I will start telling here to stop if the flirting continues and hopefully she will explain what is going on with her.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Thank you, Mousetraplover for the additional information. I don't know how repressive S.'s background is, but at least she herself is very traditional, so I can only imagine her torment in this. However, since you have already approached her about her sexuality, I would leave it be and like you said to tell her to stop if the flirting continues. Someone who is too conflicted can lash out at you if you take the tone I previously suggested. I would tread more lightly and tell her jokingly to knock it off.

    If you have the desire to help her, I urge you not to unless she comes to you sincerely. Even then, I would only guide her to LGBTQ resources and not get too mixed up in her self-discovery. Whatever there is to realize she will have to work it out in her own head.
     
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