Does she, or does she not?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Pseudonym, May 10, 2015.

  1. Pseudonym

    Pseudonym New Member

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    Right. So just some background information about myself. I'm 24, not out, and have never been in a relationship before.

    So there's this girl that I met nearly 3 years ago, let's call her D. She was an intern at the company that I was working at and did a two week stint then. We hit it off well, and there was already attraction on my part then but I didn't do anything about it. She was actually studying overseas and came back for the internship.

    For the entire 3 years that we've known each other, we text practically everyday, though when school or work got busy we would stop texting for about 2 weeks maximum before resuming our usual routine. Ever since she came back to the country we have been meeting up frequently for meals, movies, and also to each other's homes just to hang out.

    The thing is, I honestly don't know how she feels about me. She is a pretty extroverted, outgoing person, so perhaps texting somebody everyday and occasionally sending photos of herself (of the child friendly variety!) is not out of the norm for her?

    In the 3 years I've known her she has never been attached, although her close friends have tried matchmaking her with guys before and she has had guys wooing her before but she never reciprocates any of their attentions.

    The frequency of her replying my messages is more erratic now, sometimes even half a day or a day later. I don't know what to make of this situation anymore? One part of me wants to confess and see where takes me, but the more conservative part of me is holding back because I don't want to lose a friend if she doesn't reciprocate my feelings.

    Dear users of AE, what should I do?
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I can't answer this.

    It's taken you 3 years to make a move. Why?

    You aren't out. Why not? If you came out would things be hard for you? Homophobic family, conservative town, work issues, etc...?

    I can't answer because I don't know what the ramifications could be for you. If you make a move and she freaks out and outs you will that wreck your world? Have you waited 3 years, because you aren't ready to date, to be out?

    I'm sorry to give a non-answer, but I think you see where I am coming from.
     
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  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think that if she had been into you, after 3 years, you should see more signs than texting and hanging out. It could be that she just never thought of you that way. Her recent slow-down in texting could be just life getting to her.

    As far as what you should do with your feelings. Something that Moses had said before that really got to me. I will try to paraphrase it here. It is essentially what one would feel if your friend tells you after you had known her for years that she had carried all these feelings for you. You would then go back in your mind in the life of your friendship and start assigning all new meanings to your interactions with her. That is a pretty bad consequence if she doesn't return your feelings. However, if you really see yourself with her and you want her, I would ask her out on a proper date and tell her you have just developed feelings for her and see if you have a chance. This way, your past with her is not so affected and you get to give yourself a proper chance with a girl you like. All she can say is no and you can assure her that you are fine with her answer.
     
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    Nancy likes this.
  4. Pseudonym

    Pseudonym New Member

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    Bluenote:
    I do see where you are coming from, and I'm really grateful that you're pointing out hard questions that I've been avoiding (to myself). I guess it's taken 3 years partially because I wasn't ready to be out. I do come from a relatively conservative family, but not to the extent of my life being in danger. I guess I could put it as me not having any "reason" to come out?

    With regards to D, it's just bad timing as well. For the first 1.5 years of us knowing each other we were in different countries. When I mentioned being attracted initially it was more of a "she's nice, and we seem to hit it off well", and that was about it. It was only when she came back for good that I even thought about making a move.

    Greylin:
    We are in a rather hectic industry, so I definitely understand that she got so swamped with work that replying text messages gets pushed down the list of priorities.

    That's the thing though, that has me going back and forth. Sometimes in our text exchanges I'll think "she just treats me as a normal friend", and other times when it really seemed like she was kinda flirting? I can't tell if it's just wishful thinking on my part or there's really something there, and I think all this guessing has really done a number on me.

    And thank you for pointing that out to me. I'll definitely be upset if that happened to me, and I'll be second guessing all of the interactions that I had with that friend It's unfair to unload all of that expectation on D, especially if she didn't see me as more than a friend. I think if I hadn't turn to AE for advice I may have said some things that I will regret.

    Really grateful to get such advice from the both of you, thank you!
     
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