Does it get easier?

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by JennaLeigh86, Oct 11, 2016.

  1. JennaLeigh86

    JennaLeigh86 New Member

    Oct 11, 2016
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    Not sure how to feel, but after 9 years in a not relationship relationship with my best friend. She just told me that she went on a date with a guy and realized she was missing something. I'm notoriously the put other people first so ultimately I want whatever makes her happy. Its hard cause to my family they knew we were together but never actually said we were and definitely not to her family. We own a house together and I think we could still be friends. And I do want that. We been what ever you call us (facebook would say it's complicated) for most of my adult time. So I'm super nervous about meeting new people and potentially dating. Clearly not right away but does the nervous feeling go away? Cause I've only been with 2 people in the last 11 years and it's super intimidating
  2. mariannek2u

    mariannek2u Well-Known Member

    Feb 3, 2016
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    Wow that sucks!! How can i help?
    greylin likes this.
  3. Emm

    Emm Well-Known Member

    Dec 1, 2014
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    Walk away. Honestly.
    This together but not together, her stating she feels like she's missing something, and dating someone else... that's her issue not yours but staying in this mess will make it yours too.

    The only person whose feelings or emotions you are responsible for is you and staying with this half sham going on is not going to be good for anyone, least of all you.

    As for dating, don't even think about that right now. Wait til you feel ok about it, til you're less nervous about the whole concept.

    It does get easier and in the meantime take care of yourself
    greylin likes this.
  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I am not sure anything in life gets easier. However, if you take all the unhealthy trepidations out of it, then life gets fuller and before you know it, it is way too too short. The only thing I am afraid for you right now is that you are not living it. That you are so accustomed to living in that house that you can't just get the hell out or tell her to get the hell out. Once she is out of sight and out of mind, then you can begin. You don't have to live in expectations of her likes and dislikes anymore. Make sure you are treated well when you divvy things up.

    The next steps are all about you, and I hope that scares you wonderfully.

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