Does it ever get too late?

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by GeanD, Jul 22, 2018.

  1. GeanD

    GeanD Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2013
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey, I used to come on here a lot years back, about coming out and struggling with who I am, I had never been in a relationship or been with anyone. Now I find myself still in the same position, not much as changed, still haven't been in a relationship or been intimate with anyone and still struggling to come out. My question is, does it get too late? Like, I feel I have gotten used to my life, so is there any point. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to come out, like it shouldn't matter but I feel to have a relationship I would have to, because if I didn't come out, there is that fear of getting caught and people knowing, hence why I haven't had a relationship
     
    #1
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    2,113
    Likes Received:
    952
    Hey there GeanD:

    It is never too late, just that if coming out would finally let you live the life you choose then you would be missing out. There are different levels of coming out. Some people say that the first step they did was coming out to themselves. Then the next step would be a closer circle of people who would love and accept you no matter what.

    If you need better support, I suggest that you make more friends in the community. You are in charge of this and you are the only one who should make this decision. I completely understand your annoyance with the idea that we somehow have to come out and do some thing in order to find someone. I would say weigh all the pros and cons in front of you. If it is unsafe, don't do it. Nothing is more important than your safety.

    Will be thinking of you, good luck.
     
    #2
    GeanD likes this.
  3. GeanD

    GeanD Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2013
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey, thank you for replying and for your advice, I think the hardest part is not knowing whether people will accept you, like I think my mom would and says she has no problem with the gay community, but would she be the same if it was her daughter? And I definitely know some of my family would not like it, my nan for example would not like it and has said things like its disgusting, its not right and there are too many of them in the world, so, do I tell my mom and ask her to keep it secret or not bother?
    Thank you very much for replying.
     
    #3
  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    2,113
    Likes Received:
    952
    I am so unqualified to submit whether you should come out to your mom and ask her to keep a secret.

    However, I will tell you how I make some of my decisions. I know what you mean, I do wonder at times whether some people would be my friends if they knew everything about me. Quite a few gay friends of mine have that same experience. The thing is, if I want to tell someone something about myself, I am not doing it because I need or seek anyone’s approval. I do it because I want to share something with that person. There are very few people on this earth I trust or want to share with everything about myself. I have also learned that some people are not good secret keepers because they feel burdened by them so I think thrice before putting someone in that position.

    I hope this helps. I hope you will make good first steps of accepting yourself and finding people around you who support you before doing anything that could potentially make you feel alienated. Get that sorted first before dealing with homophobic people, because you will come across them and when you do, it is always a sad thing to experience even when you are in a good place about your sexuality.
     
    #4
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2018
    Spygirl and GeanD like this.
  5. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2013
    Messages:
    736
    Likes Received:
    1,053
    Do NOT come out to anyone unless you're accepting of yourself first -- trust me on this one, as it's a mistake I made a long time ago.

    Secondly, at some point you'll realize that your life needs to be about you -- you can't live for other people. It needs to be about what makes you happy -- and thus, what other people think begins to matter less. At some point the need for being honest with yourself -- and living honestly in terms of who you are and the relationships you have -- will outweigh the fear of the criticism/lack of acceptance you likely will face from friends (are they really friends?), family, etc. That being said, this is a journey that you must take -- you might find yourself never comfortable with the fact that you could alienate family.

    As I've gotten older, I'm less comfortable with the grandiose gesture of "coming out." Rather -- I just live honestly, and if people can't accept that...it's not my problem.
     
    #5
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2018
    GeanD and greylin like this.
  6. CoffeeLipstick

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2018
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    4
    I don't have alot of experience with "coming out". It's something I never did, I just lived my life how I wanted and so should you. Just live your best life, whatever makes you happy. No explanation needed. Goodluck
     
    #6
    GeanD likes this.
  7. Miss Liz

    Miss Liz Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    2
    Hey there,

    You posted this in July and I just wanted to see if anything had changed.

    It is definitely never too late. I'm happy that you're a part of our community! We are beautiful, handsome, wonderful, awesome, and amazing. We are superstars (RuPaul, Laverne Cox, Ellen), astronauts (Sally Ride), civil rights heroes (Bayard Rustin), and overall, just kick *ss people!

    I love being a goldstar and I love being out. I am proud to be a lesbian. I try to be 100% out. I don't have time for phobes in my family, at work, or anywhere else. I am also not here for biphobia, transphobia, racism, etc. in our community.

    I, however, want you to come out on your own terms when you are ready. Coming out is a process. It can be both the most wonderful thing you've ever done and the toughest. If you feel great about yourself and are proud of who are and you want to tell someone who you know will be accepting - that's great. That would be a wonderful first step.

    I want you to have the best life possible. If you come out next week or in 5 years, its okay. If you meet someone and you both aren't out - its okay. I want you to do whatever is best for you.

    Sending lots of love, hope, and positivity your way!
     
    #7
    GeanD and greylin like this.
  8. GeanD

    GeanD Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2013
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey thanks for that message, sorry I have only just seen this, erm.. nope nothing has changed unfortunately, still struggling, think I'm used to it and that's how its going to be.
    I wish it to be otherwise, but I suppose dislike for yourself can make things really hard, as I'm sure many people feel like that too
    I think as I get older I feel like I've wasted so much time being bothered by this that I've wasted so many years that I could have met someone and enjoyed that time with them
    This is a great community as you said and when I was younger, I came on here a lot cause it was the only place I felt comfortable, nowadays I don't really get the chance to come on here
    Anyway.. thanks for your message, and sorry it took so long for me to notice it
     
    #8

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice