Do i stay or do i go?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by lilly2, Nov 17, 2013.

  1. lilly2

    lilly2 Member

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    I'm going to try and keep this short. I'm currently in a relationship, my gf and i have been together for almost 2 years...the thing is i have always had a crush on a friend of mine, (shes openly gay.) but the timing has never worked out, im single shes not, im not she is..etc.We have drunkenly flirted and felt up one another, but nothing more then that. So i dont know how she feels about me. Lately, I have noticed im thinking about her more and more, and i would say my feelings for her have gotten more serious, as we've gotten to hang out more. I feel guilty being with my gf, yet having my mind (and some feelings) on someone else. Do I take a 'break' from my relationship, and finally confront my friend about my feelings for her?..and risk rejection. Has anyone else ever been in a relationship and had a crush on someone else? what did you do?
     
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  2. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    Shite. This is a sticky one.

    Option 1: Do nothing. Wait it out, see if the feelings for friend fade or if time puts them into perspective.

    Option 2: Actively redirect your focus on your gf. That is; curtail the time spent with the friend, try to meter your thoughts and expectations about friend, and redirect your energy into your gf. Spend time with her, do fun things together, try to put some spark and interest back into the relationship. A genuine, committed attempt to do this could let you know if feelings for the friend are just a symptom of something awry in your existing relationship.

    Option 3: Say nothing to gf, but tell your friend how you feel. If she rejects you, you still have the option of trying to figure things out with ur gf. If friend accepts you, you have more information upon which to base your decision. Not advocating cheating here. Just conversation to see where you stand.

    Option 4: Leave gf and in time, attempt to pursue friend.

    Option 5: Tell gf and see if you can work it out together.
     
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  3. rabbitheart

    rabbitheart Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Moses for the most part.

    I would add, however, that you may want to spend some time really analyzing your feelings and where they are coming from. You mention that you and your gf have been together 2 years...so a couple things could be happening:

    You're getting bored with your current relationship and looking for an easy switch. Obviously, a girl you've always been attracted to is an easy person to latch onto in this situation. But, I will say that attraction doesn't always equal a good relationship. Dropping your current gf is a huge risk to take, in my opinion and isn't the appropriate way to deal with a relationship that has lost its spark. It's hard to keep a relationship as exciting as it is the first few months for several years (and possibly forever). Plus, it's also easy to get caught up in something that is new and exciting and forget the connection you have with another person (and the fact that you probably once felt this way about your current gf). If you're getting bored with the relationship, try to spice it up like Moses mentioned. It doesn't have to be anything too drastic, just enough to get out of your normal routine and into a place where they two of you can feed off one another again. Find a hobby or something together. It sounds silly, but it can really help.

    If you aren't just bored and you've never really seen this relationship going anywhere, then I think it may be time to leave (regardless of this other girl). Two years is plenty of time to realize if a person is making you happy.

    I think deep down you probably know the answer, though. You've talked a lot about the dynamics with this other girl when I think the issue is actually your relationship with your current girlfriend. Sometimes it can be hard to leave long-term relationships that just aren't working because you think you owe them something (or you're just scared). Basically, what I am slowly getting at, is that I think the answer lies in how you feel about your current girlfriend.
     
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  4. lilly2

    lilly2 Member

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    Thank you so much for the feedback Rabbitheart and Moses! You guys have given me a lot to ponder. Rabbithead, you bring up a great point, that my struggle is to grapple with my feelings about my relationship, rather then my attraction to my friend. As I reflected on my relationship, warm thoughts of my girlfriends kind nature, and sweetness became prevalent. So although, I may have the '2 year itch', I think trying to rekindle the spark by finding a hobby or something, may be a good idea. At least, if in time, i find that my feelings are still not all there (into the relationship) i can walk away knowing i gave it my 100%, and the decision was based on my feelings for my partner and not motivated (or risked) by someone else.

    Moses, i loved the summery of options! :D it was so clear and concise. I think option 1, seems the most viable for me atm. Im not ready to end things, in a generally healthy and happy relationship just yet, because i have a strong attraction to someone else. Im also, feeling now may not be the right time, to confess things to my friend, new events have transpired..pretty complicated, but i believe they have given me a bit of celerity as to where she stands, on her feelings for me. Its probably best to not risk a relationship, if my relationship organically ends, then at that time option 4 will become viable..atleast i will have not risked a relationship, (but just a little pain of rejection) if my friend dosnt feel the same.

    Again, thanks guys, you have given me much celerity and closure to the matter. I'm sure I will update, if the situation changes.:)
     
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  5. Boo

    Boo Well-Known Member

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    Is it too late to add my 2 cents?

    I think you should finish one thing before moving onto the next. First of all, just to be fair to all parties. Second, you need to start off with a clean slate. No complications later or ever. Just end something to begin another. Simple. Good luck, hun.
     
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  6. lilly2

    lilly2 Member

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    nope not too late. Thanks for your insight Boo. :)
     
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