Do I stay in contact with her?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by CoffeeAddict, Aug 13, 2013.

  1. CoffeeAddict

    CoffeeAddict Member

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    Here goes nothing. I’m just looking for some advice on what I should do next.

    6 months ago, I left home and travelled half way around the world to study for one semester in Europe. I lived in a student house, where I met a girl, A, from The Netherlands. We didn’t become friends immediately because we lived in a large house and she was away on field trips frequently. We only became friends toward the end of May, which was about two weeks before I embarked on a 3 month holiday around Europe after my studies. During those two weeks, we hung out a lot, despite being in the midst of exam time. Things got intense quite quickly but I didn’t act on my feelings because I was about to leave the city and would eventually return home, 15,000km away. Two days before I left, she opened up to me and I told her that my feelings were mutual. But nothing much happened between us because she likes another girl, C, who lives in a nearby country. A believes that if she kissed me, that it would be like cheating on C (A feels strongly against cheating because she has been cheated on before). Also, the issue with the other girl is that A believes she is gay but is yet to accept it, but A is willing to wait for her. A has also expressed her affection toward C by writing her a note, but C simply walked out on A, without saying a word.

    When I left at the beginning of June, things were still up in the air, but we had plans to meet up again in August after she hands in her thesis. During my travels, we frequently contacted each other, chatted and flirted. I missed her immensely when I was travelling alone and wanted to see her before August. It was her birthday in July and coincidently, I had a few days alone before I would meet up with some friends in Paris. About 5 weeks before her birthday, I told her that maybe I could come visit for a few days. She said wouldn’t say no to that. I was excited to celebrate her 25th birthday with her. However, two weeks later, she messages me saying that she is still in love C, and asked me what I wanted out of coming to see her. I was heartbroken and took this as though she didn’t want to see me. But she kept on saying that she missed me. It was really difficult take this and I decided to stay away. But she was constantly on my mind and I didn’t know whether to keep trying or to try to get over her. I still don’t know what I want. We kept in contact for the next month, as friends, and I was lingering on some hope with the plan to meet up in August. Then she crushed me again by saying that she booked a flight to see C in August (3 days ago), the last time she’d try with C and never mentioned our plans to travel together. I had return tickets home at the end of August, but I decided that I wouldn’t try anymore and I wanted to be as far away as possible from her, so I left Europe 2 days ago. We agreed to stay in touch when I returned home. I still miss her very much.

    I messaged her twice after landing, with no reply. What does this mean? Is this a sign that she no longer wants to be friends? Should I even stay in contact with her?

    Any advice would be great :)
     
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  2. rebelde

    rebelde Active Member

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    Considering A is into C, and that she doesn't want to ruin any possibility of being with C, it's safe to say you're feelings aren't really returned and it's wiser to realize you have to accept that. It is painful, but it will only hurt more if you kept lingering and holding on for something that isn't going to happen. If there were signs that A had feelings for you and wanted something out of a relationship with you, I would say give it a try and see how it goes. But clearly it's not looking that way, and my best advice is to move on and enjoy your life, but keep a door open for a friendship if she stills wants that. Try to focus on other things and turn down the communication a bit since she's not replying. It will be tough because you will miss her and will want to contact her every day, but the rejection and lack of a reply will hurt even more and you deserve better.
     
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