Do I say something or leave it?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by lilb04, Jul 12, 2013.

  1. lilb04

    lilb04 Member

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    Hey,

    I met this woman on a night out 6 months, we swapped numbers, we chatted via messaging every single day. We went out for food and few drinks together. Then she came to stay at mine a few weeks later. We slept together. Everything was going ok.
    Heres the thing. She told me she's never been with a woman before which didnt bother me. Week or so later things started to be quiet. Messaged everyday still but not so much. Anyway she said she didnt think this was for her. She went back to her ex. I still remained friends. Everyday we message each other.
    I spend days with her and shes spent nights over at my place. Each time we have this sort of connection, we will hold hands, hold each other while we talk. We fall asleep in each other arms.
    The other week we were out for the day and ending up kissing and holding each other while we chilled out like a couple. We walked around holding hands. It is never started by myself.

    I dont believe friends do this esp my friends we dont. Nothing is ever said when this goes on and I know it might sound very 10 years old, I just dont know what to do.

    Do I mention something and she distances herself from me? Risk our friendship?
    Do I not say anything and go along with the ride as she makes me happy?
    Friends say I should say something. Am I reading into it to much?

    Hope I made some sort of sense.
    Thanks
     
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  2. englishrose7

    englishrose7 Member

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    Hello!

    Right, well one thing is clear here, you need to know where you stand rather than spending all this time confused.

    It definitely sounds like this woman is interested in you but to what level is another thing. One thing is for certain she seems very uncomfortable with her sexuality, for example saying she's not been with a woman and that it's not for her. After stuff happened between you guys, she ran back to her ex almost to reassure herself that she was straight.

    Is she still back in a relationship with her ex, by the way? If so, this is a pretty dangerous road to be going down.

    This other woman is clearly in control of the situation, always instigating the hand holding and kissing. You need to gain some control back before you get yourself hurt, love. If you say nothing and just go along with it, you will never know where you stand, how she really feels, or if she is planning on sticking around long term. With no specific terms in place, one day she can just cut off and feel like she has no reason to explain herself as there is no level of commitment at all.

    If you say something and she freaks out and distances herself from you, then she is not a good enough person to deserve you. You need to know where you stand or you are constantly going to be overthinking this and overanalysing.

    Having been in a similar situation to this once before, I can promise you that saying something is the way to go regardless of the response you get. If you get a positive response and she wants to be with you or continue seeing you that's great. If it's a negative response and she distances herself, you get a glimpse into her personality and unreliability and you will know you deserve better.

    Hope some of that helped, sorry for the essay ;)

    Kim
     
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Cut her off and find someone who can act like a normal human being.

    It seems to me like she is bouncing back and forth between you and the ex. She gets quiet when the ex is back in her life. The ex gives her the cold shoulder, so she turns to you.

    In other words, you're the doormats Plan B. Nice, huh?

    You deserve better. Not some conflicted 'not gay' person who is a doormat for their on again off again ex. I know it sounds kinda cold in black and white. But I think it is better to be realistic about the situation now, then waste a year of time and effort only to realize she is dysfunctional and not worth the effort.

    Find someone who sill treat you decent. You deserve it.
     
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  4. lilb04

    lilb04 Member

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    Thank you for you thoughts.

    I think I will mention something next time if it happens unless the conversation comes up sooner. It can be confusing at times, I certainly am not use to this.

    We are going away together soon which will be interesting.

    She's not with anyone, she went back to her ex and didn't work out. I kept my distance with her whilst that happened and was only there for advice.

    I don't know if she thought last time was to full on to soon as I will agree with that and now its more relaxed. I guess what will be will be.
     
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