Do I hang on or let her go?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by marissac12233, May 15, 2017.


Hold on or let her go?

  1. Hold On

    0 vote(s)
  2. Let Her Go

    0 vote(s)
  1. marissac12233

    marissac12233 Member

    Jul 11, 2014
    Likes Received:
    I've been dating my current girlfriend for over 4 years. We are very serious and have talked about getting married and having kids. We're open and we are each other's best friends. We're both 27.

    We met through mutual friends in college but didn't start dating or even talking much until after we graduated. She grew up and lived in our college town. I had moved to a city a couple hours away from my college town with friends to work. We started dating long distance for about a year and eventually she moved to the same city as me with a few friends. She was very homesick though and decided to move back home after a year. We still continued to date.

    She was able to land her dream job back home. I had a feeling then she would never ever move again and if we were to stay together I would have to move to her home town with her. Well despite being her dream job, the job was for a catholic school and wouldn't be accepting of our relationship and they also paid very little.

    Once again she decided to try to move back to the city I was living in and she moved in with me. She made a big move for our relationship by doing this. We couldn't do any more long distance. She thought things would be better than the last time she tried to move because she would have me. She was wrong. She was upset from day 1 and never really felt happy. This put a big burden on our relationship and was making both of us miserable because we both weren't happy with our lives.

    Now another year later she's decided to go back home for a 2nd time. She will live with her mom until she can find a full time job. The job market is pretty rough in her hometown. But she knows she wants to be in her home town so she's going for it. I told her I wouldn't think about moving and settling down there until she can find a full time job.

    We are both over the long distance relationship at this point and have come to a crossroad. She is 100% moving back home. I'm happy for her. I want her happy. She tells me she doesn't want to hold me back because my dream was to travel and live somewhere by the ocean like where I grew up. I feel if I moved to her home town with her I would be in a dead end job (smaller town on the decline) and she would have everything, family, friends, hometown. And all I'd have is her. Which she was miserable with just me when she lived with me in the city.

    We are both 27 and I know that's younger but I'd like to have some idea of settling down. I want to be with her but I also don't want to be miserable in her hometown that I don't 100% love. But if we break up I don't think I'll find someone like her again. I might be able to move where I always dreamed of but I won't have any friends or family or job and I don't like the city I'm in now either. Im also more on the shy side so I'm not exactly the most outgoing person that will make instant friends if I move somewhere new.

    Sorry this is very long and confusing. But I guess I just want to know when it's worth holding on to someone vs letting them go. Am I dumb for holding on to her and not exploring life. Or am I dumb for letting her go and never finding someone like her again?
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    I don't think any of your decisions can be classified as dumb. You have to weigh your risks and rewards. I think if you make changes just for her like she had tried to do with you then you will end up resenting her for it. You are career minded, yes?

    Before you make a big decision, I would actually travel to the city you want to eventually live in. Youe dream city, without ifs and buts to see if it is still your dream city or has it been idealized over time. And if you look and find a dream job there, and you are quitting your current job, I would take a small break and go traveling on your own. Hop around some hostels and meet some ppl and get it out of your system. If you build a life in your dream city and your gf doesn't wanna join then, you know you will have to make a big decision. That is what i would do..

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