Did I read it wrong?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by NotMona, Mar 24, 2015.

  1. NotMona

    NotMona Member

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    Hello AE world, Hope everyone is well.

    Enough with the formalities we all have lives I get it.

    Okay so here is the thing. I like women more than I like men, I've known that for a while those intense friendships and bff relationships yeah, those should have been an awakening but me being me I ignored them all until a couple years ago keep I mind I have had no relationship with either sex because I run for the hills or more like the mountains. Not to mention I come from a Mexican catholic familia so bringing a women home was not realistic until now.
    Fast forward to present

    I met this girl, she is pretty awesome she cooks, and mixes drinks and loves Netflix marathons and is super smart we met in stats class. I developed a crush on her go figures, She is into BDSM and is in an open relationship. Here is how it all began,

    I spend the night at her place because we are heading to a concert, nothing sexual just a sleepover. She sometime during the sleep over she states is looking for a GF. I talk to her but show no interest because I'm not 100% sure about being in an open relationship. Another time she totally baked for my birthday because I told her how much I loved this cake and she just baked it and brought it to class. On another occasion we were out with friends and she says if I wanted to ditch the activity for some boob play. So at first I thought it was jut the way girls in general are flirty with one another. Then she would say things like I'll be your Alex (OITNB is my obsession) I had not come out to her due to my being scared because I actually can see myself with this girl.
    Anyways I finally asked her if she liked me because I like her too. Plus I was tired of trying to guess. She replied saying she didn't think I was into girls so she never thought of me that way (Yikes!) but that if I wanted to we could give it a try.

    So my question is did I totally put her on the spot hence she gave me the choice? Was I totally misreading the signals (which I have done in the past with the opposite sex that is)?
     
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  2. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    Whoa, no straight girl EVER DOES THIS. FRIENDS DON'T DO THIS!!!! Lmao that is not friendly flirting at all... Unless you're in high school or the girl is a psycho head trip.

    Seriously though the thing with this entire situation is.
    1) oh god yes she wants in your pants
    2) she's in a relationship, open relationships are messy. Not just play with your head messy, but messy in a lot of ways that you would want the people involved to go for std (or whatever they call it now sti?) testing before getting involved.
    3) it's your first sexual encounter with a woman. If you get attached easy don't DO it. If you just want sex with no strings, have fun!
     
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Sigh.

    She wants to have sex with you. She's trying the classic get in your pants kinda moves, but doesn't want to come off like a creeper. So she bullshitted when directly confronted 'no, I haven't been having BDSM fantasies about you for the past 3 months.'

    The bigger question is, what do YOU want?

    Do you want to be in an open BDSM relationship with someone who has sketchy boundaries (flirts a lot, then is disingenuous about it)? To me that sounds like a bad life decision. I'm not against BDSM or open relationships, but people need to be honest and healthy for them to work.

    You don't have to settle for this girl. There are lots of girls out there. If you are into BDSM, you can find a girl who is into it too, but can be more straightforward and honest about her desires.

    Good luck.
     
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  4. NotMona

    NotMona Member

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  5. NotMona

    NotMona Member

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    Thanks I honestly thought it was all in my head, since I had a similar situation with a man and he said I completely misread the signals, go figure. Not High school in college, I'm still learning about the nature of open relationships like text book knowledge not personal experience yet.
     
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  6. NotMona

    NotMona Member

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    Thanks, I really do hope so the 'there are lots of girl out there'. I honestly want someone that can honestly admit they like me flat out because trying to figure out wethers they do or don't crap is annoying.
     
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  7. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    If you're not into BDSM, I suggest you pass on this woman's passes. Since you have never been in a relationship if you think that maybe you might be into BDSM, find out more about it before getting involved with someone who's into it. Often, what we think might be kinda cool turns out to be something we actually find icky when put into real life play.

    I suggest you try to find a healthy relationship with a single woman for your first time. If you jump into role playing with someone who's already in a relationship before you've ever even dated, it can have a negative impact on your expectations of future relationships.
     
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  8. NotMona

    NotMona Member

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    I actually am interested in learning more in the future. I have been to about 3 panels on lifestyle and took a class in college which I did my research on the lifestyle, I feel like I am monogamous and would thrive better in a relationship that is mono and not poly. This all is hard because I really do genuinely like this person, that said I should be fair to her and let her find a partner that will be 100 percent on board with her lifestyle.

    Thank you guys!!!!!!!! You have been really helpful
     
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