Did I miss a massive sign

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by confused-bubble, Mar 2, 2015.

  1. confused-bubble

    confused-bubble New Member

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    At end of last year like December 20th I got messaging someone that I've known for years. We met up new years eve and flirted like mad followed by a massive hug at midnight then the day after (after all it was a Friday so drinks were needed) after that we met up regular and flirted connecting with the eyes and the odd touch. We were messaging like crazy during the week and met up the following weekend, where we had more drinks and chatting flirted even before drinks flowed. We left the pub and talked for like 20 mins and I became shy (she's shy as well it took years to speak to me) I'm not good at initiating relationships anyway but we chatted then left to walk home...

    Cue this month we're messaging although not as much as we did. I haven't seen her in ages I mentioned going to cinema and she was up for it do you think she's gone off me or should I just invite her out and see what she says. Please help I don't know what to do??????

    Was the sign us talking for so long without anyone around? Should I of made a move or asked her out?
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Yes, ask her out.
     
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  3. Hermit

    Hermit Member

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    Because you're messaging a lot try with a couple of flirting text, a little more explicit than usual about how great it would be to spend a day together doing this or that. I'm sure you know what she likes to do so use it, and go for it.
     
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  4. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    I almost killed a relationship before it even started because I was far too shy to make a move -- like petrified, seriously. So much so that my then girlfriend left my house in tears thinking that I didn't like her.

    The point is this..you have nothing to lose here. She's shy...you're shy...someone's gotta make a move. She wouldn't have been hanging out with you and texting so much if she didn't like you.

    Ask her out.
     
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  5. confused-bubble

    confused-bubble New Member

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    Update so she's been giving me signs now I'm a smoker ( have been well before I met her and she knew) and she even made a point of saying I'll come outside with you next time you go out (which she did).

    I told her I like her and she's kind of backed off, but not fully she said she likes men, but has made several points that she hates men with a passion including her sister saying "you can't seem to get rid of them men can you, you need to tell them" she also has said she wouldn't kiss someone that's a smoker. I'm sooo confused because she's still giving me signal's messaging and the like................. confused help please
     
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  6. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to be blunt, but if she won't kiss a smoker, she won't kiss a smoker.

    There is a difference between liking someone and being willing to go there with them. In college I went on a date with this incredibly hot girl. But I found out she was into hard drugs, including shooting up heroin. So I never went out with her again. My desire for self preservation over rode my attraction.

    I'm not saying heroin is the same as smoking. I'm just saying that if someone has rules 'no drinkers, no druggies, no smokers, no cat ladies, must be out, etc...' then they won't date you- even if they find you attractive.
     
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  7. confused-bubble

    confused-bubble New Member

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    Thanks for your reply.
    I'm well confused though she's given me all the signs messaging loads (and I mean loads like 300 plus texts in less than a week excluding fb and whatsapp), touching, meeting up, flirting, hugs, eye contact and then I told her I liked her and she backed off and said this when she never had a problem before.... I only smoke 2 a day if that.

    I don't know if she's fully out yet (although she's made it obvious on more than one occasion that she doesn't like men) i haven't pushed it or spoken about it again, I thought I'd give her some time back off a bit and just see how it goes.

    I really like her and feel my hearts kind of in pieces because of the way its turned out. I don't know what to do, do I just move on and stop messaging her totally or just sit there in the back ground?

    Confused
     
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  8. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    The fact that she doesn't like men at the moment doesn't mean that she is not attracted to them. It seems like a personal thing she is going through at the moment regarding men. Messaging at lot is a sign of friendship and closeness. However, the romantic level of the messaging is a different thing. For example, I have a straight friend who is very cuddly, loves to hug and is very affectionate and even though she hugs me all the time I know those gestures are not romantic.

    The smoking bit is a little different, it might be a deal breaker or it can be handled. I don't have rules per se about dating/kissing smokers, however smoking is a deterrent for me because I don't find it pleasant, aside from health issues. That being said, I also know that there are some smokers (not the chain kind) who are very conscious about it and make a point of keeping themselves "smell" free and it is hard to tell that they are smokers. For example, keeping mints and gum available all the time for after a smoke.

    My point is that it is hard to tell if she is really into girls or not, and (if I am correct) she said once she likes men. If that is the case then there is little you can do.

    It seems to me that you are good friends and connect well, and you have a good time together. You can keep the friendship without the romantic aspect of it. Stop messaging her all together seems a little harsh to me.
     
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  9. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    Lesbians don't hate men. Straight women who've been wronged by them hate men. Until the next man comes along , that is.

    You misread the signs of friendship. Even if she's bi it doesn't mean she's into you. It's so hard making friends with other lesbians because they always think you're interested in more. She just wants you as a friend. Can you handle that?
     
    #9
    greylin likes this.

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