So not so straight girl fell for lesbian best friend told her about it ( well she basically forced it out of me ) got rejected. We are trying to stay friends but she keeps flirting with me hard core when she’s drunk to the point of trying to get me to engage in sexting with her. I dont take the bait. She pushes me away because “ I let you get to close” . Tells me “when I feel safe again I’ll open back up.” Then tells me she only has feelings for me when she’s drunk and then gets pissed about it in the morning. That she never changes her feeling for someone when they are friend zoned. That I’m not going to lose her. But I feel like I already have because she won't talk to me. I really don't know what to do here. I think she has feelings for me but is scared. She has only ever known me as the straight friend. Even though all my life I’ve know I could fall for a woman just never met one that was more than a simple crush until this happened. Im picky as hell and in order to have feeling for someone I have to know them. I think she has feelings but is scared because of a lot of things one being I'm in the process of leaving a relationship with a man. I think she thinks I’m the typical bi curious chick that's going to break her heart. And run back to men if shit gets hard. She also has major abandonment issues. Or I turned into a game to her. Like hey can I actually flip the straight girl. I don't know. I'm just crushed by all this and need a place to vent to work it all out to ask what the hell, cause being stuck in my head sucks. Backstory. We have know each other for close to 10 years. At first we weren't really friends more of acquaintances. We became friends she did some shady shit to a friend of mine and ended up with her girlfriend. We quit talking. Ff a couple years she marries the girlfriend and we start to repair our friendship. From that point on we were like inseparable friends. Even though we lived a couple states apart we would talk daily and at least once a year would take vacations to hang out with each other and mutual friends. Sure there would be times when we went a few weeks or a month without talking due to work or life in general but when one of us would contact the other it was as if no time had passed at all. FF 2 years ago. She and her wife split she was devastated and started posting some really scary shit on fb. I was like look dude if you need someone you know Im here right. From then on I was her shoulder to cry on. I was the person she would come to when shit hit the fan and vice versa. She became my best friend. I recently went to visit her a couple months ago and realised that she had developed an alcohol problem. She had hinted at it for the past year but I dismissed it as her just making jokes. Until I seen it in person. I was worried and said something to her about not drinking or slowing down. She said she needed to stop drinking but had no support. I said I'd do it with her for a set period of time. ( bad mistake) during that time I completely fell for her. She opened up to me and me to her. We talked constantly durring our sobriety. I would always check in to see how she was doing and we’d just start talking about anything and everything. When I realised what I was feeling for her I did typical straight girl panic attack and stopped replying to her messages for a day. Reeled my emotions back in and tried to bury thats shit so deep so that I wouldn't lose her. But that didn't work and the way I interacted with her shifted a bit. At the end of the of our sobriety I was still attracted to her and like a knucklehead posted a vague fb post about the sobriety experience. How I learned things about myself some good some bad and some scarry as hell. She read straight through that shit. Confronted me about it and I panicked. I was on my way out of town with friends and tried to play it off and said we would talk about it when I got home. We texted non stop while I was away. But never about the issue at hand. The agreement was when I got home we’d talk about it. I mustered up all the courage I had and called when I got home. She didn't answer. So like a dumb ass I texted her saying something about how we needed to talk about this and how she sucked for not answering the phone. Then at a time when she thought I’d be asleep she sent a massive flood of texts about how she didn't want to know, how it terrified her as well, and how she loved me but we needed to let it go and let it play out. That she didn't want to ruin our friendship. I stupidly being half asleep read the first text wrong and was like “ It was killing me keeping that shit in”. We texted a little and agreed to be friends. We were fine until 2 weeks ago I could feel her pulling away until she would drink and then she’d start flirting. I engaged a couple times until the sexting part. I told her I couldn't go there unless I knew that's what she wanted. She told me only when she’s drunk and it's like this with everyone so next time just go with it. I said I would, but if I do, I know I’ll fall and I don't think we can handle that right now. She said true cause I'm the same way. Then the next day radio silence. I would text and nothing. Or if anything I would get short answers. I knew something was wrong confronted her and she gave me an excuse about how this other girl she had a thing for rejected her and she was feeling off. I asked are you sure that's it? She said yes that's it. And silence again. I went a couple days without hearing from her and I knew something was wrong we never went more than 4 hours with out a simple text to each other. So I was like hey are you ok? Then that's when I got the texts about how she let me get to close and when that happens she pushes people away but when she feels safe she’ll open back up again and how she didn't want to give me the wrong idea that she only has feelings for me when she’s drunk and when she’s sober she gets pissed. Im at a loss. She says I'm not losing her but it sure feels like I have. I don't know what to do. Im trying to give her space to process but I think we need to talk about this shit. But I also don't want to push her too much and push her even further away. I care deeply for her but I can't lose her as a friend. Worst of all she is supposed to be coming here for vacation in a couple weeks my friends are excited to see her and we all have plans for the week. But now I don't even know if she’s coming. She hasn't said she’s not but I feel like she not going to. I don't know what to do. i don't know If I should wait for her to contact me or if I should just be like dude what's the deal. I don't know how to fix this. Or if I even can. If you read through all this thank you for reading my ramblings.