Dating/Relationship advice

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by THECONMONI, Feb 6, 2017.

  1. THECONMONI

    THECONMONI Member

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    Hello AE!

    Humans out there, I need some major advice maybe someone to pull my ear, I don't know.

    Story / Background (I'm short, chubby, mexican... you get the picture...)

    I was on Tinder mostly to meet other lesbians and people in the community. I clearly stated that on my profile. Then I met this girl she met me at a club she had a drink and so did I. I didn't think it was a great meet up but she messaged me to go out again but i had plans with friends so I told her she could join if she wanted since it was a group thing. She did, we somehow ended up making out later that night. A day later she texted me asking to come along with me to SF as I plan a trip once a month, I agreed reluctantly it was on a Sunday, Monday she wanted to see me again I didn't quite get why though. Okay we did kind of fooled around (I did warn her I was not looking for a relationship multiple times that day and before that). I dont want to play games with her but she did tell me she was a recovering addict for the past 6 months. Things didn't quite add up with some stories, I also didn't like the fact that she kept/ keeps saying (I would normally wouldn't give a girl like you the time of day but you are different) I hear that so often as well as "I'm a catch" meaning her. So it's been 5 date and two weeks later and I just don't feel it. Yes the sexual chemistry is there but for me that is all. I talked to her but she just does not seem to be taking no. I feel like I am maybe not giving her a chance like she said because i just run away. maybe she is right. but something just feels off. I mean it's been two weeks can you really fall for someone in two weeks? I asked for time but it's not going so well.

    AE and humans of AE please help me a little I know that I'm older and maybe should have things figured out but this was so left field and I'm like oh shit. I don't want to play with her.... maybe in, just being too picky of paranoid?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    You are not picky or paranoid. Trust your instincts and do what feels right. Usually the beginning of courtship is when you can't get enough of someone. The main reason for you to drop it is you just don't feel it with her and no other reasons need to apply. Simply say no when she asks you out again and you can tell her that it is not working out for you. That is rough to have to say that, but better than having to live with it.

    I don't like how she sounds at all, not taking no for an answer is a major red flag. The addiction stuff, I mean, everyone has stuff but not everyone can partner with someone on some stuff. Saying things like "normally wouldn't give a girl like you the time of day..."to me, is HELL what the sh*t f*ck kinda foreplay is this? I would have left her on the curb right there next to a coyote and driven to SF by myself.
     
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    She sounds like trouble and not the good kind of trouble. But in the end, it doesn't matter..If you don't feel chemistry with someone, then you don't. You don't have to settle for making out with someone who weirds you out.

    If you say no and she doesn't listen, that is a big red flag.
     
    #3
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  4. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    The only reason you need to stop dating someone is that you want to stop. Other acceptable reasons include, "Not super comfortable with dating a recovering addict right now, sorry," "Not really feeling it" and "Don't like when my boundaries are ignored," or "Think I'm also a catch and don't want to be treated otherwise."

    But at the end of the day, the only reason you need to end a relationship is wanting to end it. Tell her you're done, stop making plans, and block her number/email if you have to.
     
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  5. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Every time I've ignored that little voice inside my head or ignored red flags I've been burned.

    And, you can't help what you feel. If you're not feeling that intangible thing that makes us like, love, lust or something in between, then it's probably not there. You can't make yourself feel something when you don't feel that certain something.

    Run from this one...she sounds like trouble with a capital T. I bet a lot of drama follows along with her (in my first read of your post, I got the feeling she's way clingy and will continue to be).
     
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    Last edited: Feb 7, 2017
  6. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

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    Agree, agree, agree with everybody who already said, run, don't walk away from this situation!
    If you are not feeling it, you just are not! Say So clearly, and stop literally feeling Her!

    There is No paranoia, here, on your part. You don't need to have backhanded compliments hurled at you from a person to whom you are giving your time and attention. It is unacceptable to be told she would not normally give someone like you her time!...while trying to convince you that she is such a catch, wtf???
    There was a second date after you heard that???? o_O

    Pay attention to what your gut is telling you, because your sexual chemistry will lead you astray! Our biological responses, while powerful, are NOT rational and do NOT provide a measure for good judgement.

    I think you are asking if you should give her more chances/more time? My humble opinion is a hearty "NOOOO!!!!"
    Unless, of course, you really want that ticket for the train ride you Know is going to end in a Wreck??? But ask yourself why you would choose to do that to yourself?

    You said a couple of times that you don't want to "play with her." So don't! You are not a hostage to her phone calls or even to your own chemical responses. Tell her no, Stop talking to her and stop messing around with her....Your actions are not matching up with what you are saying to her. Be congruent and consistent.
     
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  7. THECONMONI

    THECONMONI Member

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    Thanks everyone.
    Yes, I blocked her number. Last week as she cont. texting. This was an all around weird situation I put myself in.
     
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