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Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Cne1290, Dec 26, 2014.
You're kinda betraying your family there. I don't doubt that you love her. But you guys don't have a future, can never have a full relationship and have betrayed a lot of people.
You're young enough to not know how much you are giving up.
She's old enough to know how much you are giving up.
If she breaks it off with you, she's doing you a favor.
I know that is not what you want to hear. I know at 26 if someone had said that to me, I would not have understood it. I don't know how to explain all the little things you will miss - the first apartment together, the family events, the vacations. Instead you will have hiding and stress and caring for her while she ages... But not being able to express how you feel....
You can't tell her this is right for you because - it's not good for you. And shame on her for starting it. Really. Shame on her.
let her talk whatever she wants while you love her. she will always expect you to leave at any moment. all i can see that can be done here, is that she increases her faith in you and let every day pass and see that you're still together, because with words you can't prove what is going to happen next month for sure
btw while reading your story, it reminded me of the movie shadowboxer, in which a guy was making love to his stepmother and girlfriend at the same time. it was dark and erotic :X
Thanks for the advice! Btw, I don't appreciate you saying shame on her for starting it. This is a consensual relationship between two adults. I'm not some 18 year old that doesn't know what she is doing. I Do appreciate the advice, though...
Whatever. It's my opinion and I'm sticking to it. She's come between you and your family but can't offer you any kind of future. I find that shameful.
No, you're not an 18 year old who doesn't know what you're doing. You're a 26 year old who thinks you have it all figured out.
You know, with the original message edited to oblivion you all now look crazy
Recap - OP is 26. Is dating her Aunt's ex, who is 62. OP is in looooove, but they have to hide it from the family. 62year old feels ashamed, but hasn't broken it off.
There's always that one person who has to ruin my fun....you forgot the bit about the 2nd degree burn sustained
Maybe the OP's lover could give what's her name some advice on looking older?
Oh my god...that is the best idea to date. She probs knows a few tricks about evading stalker trees too
And looks fetching in a toga.
Wait..where would she tuck her tissues?
Hi. I read the original post last night before I went to bed. I don't think you can ever reassure your lady that you love her enough to commit to the relationship and I think that's a lot to do with the fact that your relationship is hidden from your family. If you can't be honest with your family that you love each other then there will always be doubt as to whether you're legit. If this is really what you want. If this is true love. Then in my opinion, love is love. You can't help who you love regardless of how much older they are then you. But you really have to think about it. Secrets have a way of creeping out and you can't hide a relationship for the rest of your life and hers. Is it really worth the hurt that your family might go through at the end of the day? Love is something to be proud of. We should never have to hide who we love.
Or you could always tell your lady, that Susan Sarandon and Madonna are dating dudes thirty odd years younger than her so why can't she?
First off...not that age differences are uncommon..but an almost 40 year age difference tells me:
1. the young'un wants a mother figure;
2. the older one isn't mature enough to appreciate a real relationship and/or just really wants to have fun;
3. the older one is selfish and asking thing of the younger one that are patently unfair -- if she really loved you, she wouldn't ask that you keep things a secret and forego the life experience you deserve just to be with her.
You might think you're in love, OP...but I don't think that either of you are demonstrating enough maturity for a serious relationship here. Even though you say "this is a consensual relationship between adults..." I remain skeptical...you've already admitted that you're having to live a secret life...sounds to me like it's manipulation disguising what you perceive as "consent." Maybe you need to figure out what it is you're truly looking for, OP and what this person is providing you. The foundation of all relationships, IMO, is mutual respect, understanding, and a common view of things. Common views, most times, derive from life experience -- which you haven't had enough of yet and she's had plenty -- Additionally, asking you to lie for the sake of a secret relationship isn't respecting what you need as a person.
But, go on...you wouldn't be asking for advice if you weren't at least second guessing the relationship.
Well, to be fair, the OP was asking for advice on how to convince Ms. 62 year old that the relationship is OK.
But I love your quote about relationships
You've hit the nail on the head about manipulation though. The OP is going behind her families' back, having a secret relationship and then - feels responsible for comforting Ms. 62 year old that this is OK and healthy. It's just a real mess and role reversal on so many levels.
I was extrapolating as to what was said in the original post because it now seems crazy -- so I took certain liberties there @Bluenote ...but thanks for clarifying.
The one thing I wanted to add was...doesn't matter what the chronological age is...both show that they have little maturity or understanding to conduct themselves as adults. Just because one is 62 doesn't mean that she's smart, healthy-minded, responsible, or wise.
"...understanding, and a common view of things. Common views, most times, derive from life experience" that's why I don't have success with women who are successful in life while I'm still a low life dreamer. I thought about this in some vague ways, but if I would've though about it this way earlier, with the same words in this order, things would've been different. I'm glad you exist Spygirl! really
I'm laughing like an idiot here now because of what you said, has opened my eyes wider )
Glad I could help, Kaiden. And I can honestly say..at one point, I was a low life dreamer too Think about that for a second
I understand what you're saying, but many people forget where they started from.
Never. It's made me who I am today