Date or hanging out?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by anonymous_, Feb 21, 2016.

  1. anonymous_

    anonymous_ Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2015
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    3
    Hey guys, so I've known this woman for a few years, she recently came out and so did I, I said we needed to catch up so we went for drinks. I have crushed on her for a very long time but wondered how the best way is to persuse her. Was drinks just hanging out to her? I know I shouldn't be hung up on if it's a date or not and just be pleased we're spending time together. She asked me about girls I'm into and preferences etc but wondered the best way to persuse her without freaking her out, shes never had a relationship before. Thanks in advance
     
    #1
  2. Gyldenragg

    Gyldenragg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2013
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    56
    I wouldn't be so hung up on whether it was a date or just hanging out. It can be tricky to label without talking about it or at least having some sort of mutual understanding.

    Now, what I would focus on however is spending more time with her. You're already rid of a major hurdle by already knowing that she's into women, as she now knows you are as well. That means you can move past the 'is she gay/bi/hetero...'.

    I don't know how close you two are or how often and in what context you meet up. The general 'rule' (for lack of better words) when you're interested in someone, be it romantically or just in a friendship way, is that you try to spend more time with them. That's what I'd do if I were you. Try to have catch ups more frequently, ask her to join events or activities you are going to, if you have friends in common or feel like she'd be a good fit with some of your friends and you're doing something as a group, ask her to join.
    You say you like her, but the only way of knowing whether she likes you too (unless you ask her bluntly) is spending more time to see if those feelings are reciprocated.
     
    #2
    anonymous_ likes this.
  3. hum_dinger

    hum_dinger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2013
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    27
    I would just try and hang out with her again and take things slow (easier said then done for girls who like girls, I know!) I say this because you said you had known each other for a while so you don't want to go into it like a bull in a china shop and potentially ruin a perfectly good friendship. Getting to know if someone likes you back can take time and so it should if you are genuinely interested in her. Just chat to her, try and make her laugh and feel at ease and you never know where the conversation might naturally lead. The fact is just because you both like women, it's not a done deal. That's just one thing you have in common, granted it's a very important common preference but you could find out actually she's annoying or doesn't want the same things as you. Good luck with it all though mate:)
     
    #3
    anonymous_ and Gyldenragg like this.
  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,390
    Likes Received:
    1,489
    You haven't given enough information to tell. Two people going out for drinks - can be either friends or a date. You can't tell without knowing other factors - was she flirting with you, did she show up dressed up cuter than her every day look, did she hint about having another date, etc...

    Honestly, I think you are going to have to hang with her some more and then figure it out from there.
     
    #4
    anonymous_ likes this.
  5. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2013
    Messages:
    743
    Likes Received:
    1,058
    When you've known someone for several years, and then say "let's catch up" which spurs going out for drinks in connection with "catching up"...that's not a date. At least if someone said "let's catch up to me"....and we then go out...I wouldn't perceive it to be a date. I say that to friends often...because, well, life gets in the way and I don't have unlimited free time...

    If you're wanting to take this from the friend zone to the dating zone...then pay attention to her. What does her body language suggest? Is she flirting with you? Or, is she being distant and not open? Is she asking you to hang out again? Don't project what you want out of the situation onto her, either. Be objective...if she's not doing anything to suggest she likes you more than a friend, then don't push it.

    As @Bluenote stated..hang out with her more and read any signs before you determine whether dating is in the cards for the two of you.
     
    #5
    Gentry, anonymous_ and Bluenote like this.
  6. anonymous_

    anonymous_ Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2015
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    3
    Thanks for the replies! So apparently she's not a 'people' person and doesn't like physical contact. However she lead me through the dancefloor hand in hand and we had a drunken dance, she also asked a girl next to us to look after me whilst she went to get drinks. She asked about my 'type' and mentioned she's kinda scared of commitment in case someone leaves her which totally breaks my heart :( she also possibly used some flirty text but I always over think everything so I'm trying to play this one cool! Haha
     
    #6
  7. anonymous_

    anonymous_ Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2015
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    3
    Failed to leave out that we went for "civilised" cocktails at 7pm and I got home about 3am! She decided to miss the last train and stay out late
     
    #7
  8. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2013
    Messages:
    170
    Likes Received:
    168
    It sounds like it wasn't meant to be a date but after a few drinks things maybe changed. You should probably chalk this up to a newly out lesbian trying to get to know another one. If she asks you out again ask if it's a date. You can text her if you are too shy to come right out and ask.
     
    #8

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice