Dad dislikes fiancee - what do I do?

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by The_Bookworm, Jan 21, 2015.

  1. The_Bookworm

    The_Bookworm Member

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    He hasn't come right out and said it, but he keeps asking if "everything's OK" with my fiancee in this really concerned tone of voice. Then, of course, he'll say, "I just hope you're happy." He asks almost every time we talk. Sometimes he'll add, "are you sure?"

    My fiancee and I have been together for a little more than 2 years, living together for one. Honestly, I can't think of anything about the relationship that he'd consider a red flag. When we fight, we talk it out. When we don't, we manage to share everything (secrets, clothes, chores) without losing our identities to a "merge"-type situation. We have plenty of sex, do stuff on our own, trust each other, talk about the future, budget together. Neither of us spies on the other's email or anything like that. We have mutual and separate friends. She's in grad school full-time, but she's got supportive parents and works in an internship program that will lead right into a paying job after graduation.

    I've only brought home one other person, who was the scuzzy guy I dated in college. Dad hated him too - he was kind of a hateable guy - but he must see that my fiancee is different! My dad and I are close, so this awkwardness is stressing me out. He and my fiancee seem to get along fine when they're actually in the room together. What can I do?
     
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  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    If it were my dad doing this my knee jerk reaction would be to ask "Why what have you heard?" It could be nothing, he may not even realise he asks all the time.
     
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  3. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    First of all take a deep breath. I think your father is just being a concern father and making sure you are happy and that things are working fine for you. It is in his nature to be protective. However, I do not see a sign that he doesn't like your fiancé.

    Although, I wonder if it might be that you two are feeding each other's concerns, like a vicious cycle where you get worry because of his reaction, and he gets worry because he senses you are worried. If you have a close relationship with your dad, next time he asks if everything is okay, you can say "Yes everything is good, are you worried about something in particular?" and try to figure what is exactly what he worries about.

    Good luck.
     
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  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I'd just talk to him head on "Dad, I'm happy, are you concerned about something?" If he's not, you can chalk it up to a weird habbit of his, like those Dads that steer everything to talking about football. If he is, listen to his concerns and tell him what you told us.
     
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  5. noedee

    noedee Active Member

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    He he, when you tell him what you told us, maybe leave out the part about having plenty of sex ;)
     
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  6. The_Bookworm

    The_Bookworm Member

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    OK, I feel better. That's some good advice you dished out there. Thanks, people! :D
     
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  7. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    He might really be asking you if you are sure you're gay. Since you've brought home guys in the past, he might think your being with a woman is a passing fancy. I've heard of fathers thinking their lesbian daughters will eventually meet the right man and settle down. Ask him if he's have any concerns about your relationship so you can understand better why he's asking the questions he is.
     
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  8. qkru45

    qkru45 New Member

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    He gets worry because he senses you are worried. If you have a close relationship with your dad, next time he asks if everything is okay, you can say "Yes everything is good, are you worried about something in particular?" and try to figure what is exactly what he worries about. ???

    ____________________
    GuL
     
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