crush on older woman, should i pursue it?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Corinne, Oct 8, 2013.

  1. Corinne

    Corinne Active Member

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    About a week ago i met this woman. I cant believe its only been a week and i've already seen her 4 times. Well i went to a social gathering and made alot of friends including her. We had a good conversation i told her im 22 and she said shes 40. I told her im a lesbian and she said me too. She asked me if i had anyone special in my life and i said no and she said shes also single. score. Okay time passes and she said i never saw you dance like that. She sounded impressed. We took a picture together and under the facebook picture she wrote You are are loved Corinne. Ever since i met this chick i became so fascinated with her. She has this sense of peace and love that i really like. Plus shes really sexy. Only problem is shes 40 and walks with a cane. The oldest girl i dated was 36. Do you think i should pursue it and flirt with her alittle bit? Am i setting myself up for immediate rejection because of my age? Or should i give it time and not rush it?
     
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  2. loveforallmyhomies

    loveforallmyhomies Active Member

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    If you really like her then go for it. The only way to figure out whether or not the age difference between you two is a problem for her is to ask her out and see what she says. Are you concerned about the fact that she walks with a cane?
     
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  3. Shay

    Shay Member

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    If you dig this woman then go for it. But before you do I dare you to really think about all the thinks you listed: the cane, the age difference.. and decide if you want to go further. Start with that whole getting to know you thing.. can't hurt. Tread lightly and good luck.
     
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  4. Brandy Alexander

    Brandy Alexander Well-Known Member

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    I hate to rain on your parade, however, an 18 year difference in age is absolutely too much. If you just think about the future and figure the math no matter how much you are attracted to her and she is to you a relationship will be a mistake. Consider for a moment yourself in the prime of life say 35-40 yrs old she will be 53-58 yrs old. I don't think you could reasonably build a home and raise a family with a partner that much older than you. Imagine taking care of little kids and a grand parent at the same time. It will be extremely difficult. I suspect holidays and vacations will become work instead of enjoyment because you will be responsible for getting everything done from carrying the luggage to getting everyone feed, bathed, and put to bed with the in between consisting of sightseeing or making sand castles on a beach. (I'm exhausted and I only typed the sentence. lol)

    I volunteer weekly at a community center for seniors. I have first hand knowledge when it comes to seniors and how their needs change as they age. Yes, I see young for their age 60 year old seniors, but I, also, see old and struggling 60 year old seniors. With this insight in mind, I see your future as a caregiver and not a partner. You are too young to get involved with a 40 year old woman. I don't doubt you have an attraction to her, but going beyond a platonic friendship will be a huge mistake!

    I apologize for not telling you what you want to hear. I prefer to follow my heart at all times, however, my heart is a dumb ass sometimes and the voice of reason has to join the party on occasion! I think you need a little "tough love" in this situation! Do not pursue a relationship with this 40 year old woman!
     
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  5. Corinne

    Corinne Active Member

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    i guess youre right brandy. she already walks with a cane so i would already be taking care of her. but damn i just cant stop thinking about her...
     
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  6. Corinne

    Corinne Active Member

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    and last night we partied together again. she said corinne you are really pretty. and when we hugged goodbye the hug was really long and she pressed her face against mine. maybe she likes me?
     
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  7. Love*Cali

    Love*Cali Well-Known Member

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    The younger person always thinks they aren't good enough because they lack experience and the older person always thinks they aren't good enough because their age is apparent or they aren't as wild as they think you'd like them to be. Truth is, your age probably turns her on (even if just sexually) and her age turns you on. It's important that you don't see her as your superior because she is older; you must see eye to eye. It may or may not become a long lasting relationship, but you might be able to get some good fun weeks, months or even years out of pursuing it. The minute it is no longer fun, you move on. You can benefit from this. Go for it. Ask her out.
     
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  8. Brandy Alexander

    Brandy Alexander Well-Known Member

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    @Corrinne, I'm not shocked to find myself in the minority on AE. Dating someone 18 years older than you isn't about overcoming perceptions as Love*Cali has suggested. I think it boils down to short term gratification. Of course she is attracted to you, you're 18 years younger than her! What 40 year old wouldn't be attracted to someone 18 years younger than themselves. Question: When you're 40 years old and she is 58 years old won't you be looking at younger women too? Also, I understand you being attracted to an older women...can you say, "Hello, Mrs. Robinson"? However, just because a mutual attraction exists doesn't mean a long term relationship is viable between you and this older women. Realistically, it's truly unfair to both parties involved to engage in one. Consider for a moment how long will it be before you realize you made a big mistake and you break up with this older woman and move on? Thus, leaving her to find someone else at an even older age bracket. It's difficult enough to find a partner within the LGBT community and once you throw age in the mix forget about it!

    I don't believe in short term gratification. I've loved and lost in my time and it hasn't made me any stronger. I'm definitely a bit more jaded and certainly more guarded because of it. The individual who once said,"It's better to have loved and lost to never have loved before" in my opinion never truly loved before. When I was younger I thought I had all the time in the world, however, looking back now time moves much faster than we realize. I don't waste time anymore because I don't have time to spare. Neither one of you has time to spare either. Don't waste anyone's time with pursuing this relationship. Develop a platonic relationship, but not a physical one because it will end it heartbreak for one or both of you. Guaranteed!

    I'm basically the age of this older woman. Personally, I wouldn't be selfish and pursue a relationship with someone 18 years younger than me. I don't think it would be fair. Your best years are ahead of you and my best years are behind me. I could not and would not ask someone I cared about to give up their best years for me. It would be selfish and wrong. Do what you feel is best for you, however, consider the "big picture" before you jump with both feet. Short term has a way with creeping into the long term because life happens when we're busy making other plans. Keep your eyes wide open! Good Luck.
     
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  9. Maya

    Maya Member

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    Regardless the age or the age difference everybody deserves to be happy.
    In life there is no guaranty will you have long or short relationship.
    If you don't try you will never know will she makes you happy and vice versa.
    Just let the things between you two develop naturally.
    Maybe your souls are compatible, and the souls don't have age. Enjoy.
     
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  10. JHaven

    JHaven Member

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    Well, age is just a number. I've dated older women myself, and it doesn't really get in the way. If you're really concerned about the cane, I would advice you to give it time, if later on you feel it does make a difference and you don't see yourself holding hands with an older woman with a cane, just stay friends. P.S. Older women know A LOT.
     
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