Crush on Housemate

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by TSimpz, Nov 3, 2015.

  1. TSimpz

    TSimpz New Member

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    I have a seriously inconvenient crush – it is on my housemate.


    Moving out is not an option (both for lease and convenience reasons), so I suppose what I am really looking for is advice as to how to deal with the situation without contemplating that possibility.


    She is in a relationship with a woman, so her sexuality isn’t in doubt. I am not out, but I’m guessing she does wonder (she seems to have the normal level of curiosity people typically have about their flatmates’ family/ relationships).


    Obviously, because she is a relationship, and because it would be disastrous to get into a relationship with a flatmate, I need to rid myself of this crush. Would appreciate any advice!
     
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  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Rid yourself of the crush. End of story.

    The last thing you want to do is cause tension between you and your flatmate. If you can't get out of your current living situation, then you can imagine how horrid it would be if you confessed your crush --especially when your flatmate already has a girlfriend. Even if she didn't have a girlfriend, then unless she gave you unequivocal signals that she might be receptive to a crush...don't mention it.

    Find someone to date -- go out and hang out with friends...do something to fill your time to where you meet new people, one of whom might be equally interested in you.
     
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I banged a housemate once. It did last, but we 'broke up' and remained housemates with relatively little drama.

    I have no real advice for you. You can't make a crush go away. All you can do is take lots of cold showers and work out a lot until you either wind up with that person, or your lust for them is killed by the fact that they never do the dishes.
     
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  4. sela9

    sela9 Well-Known Member

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    Uh dont. 1) if she does not have the same level of interest in you then you will be embarrassed and uncomfortable being around her when rejected. 2) she is in a relationship.

    There are plenty of people out there- enjoy your friendship with your housemate.
     
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  5. TSimpz

    TSimpz New Member

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    Thanks. I suppose I know a lot of this already - I don't intend to make any move in the direction of intiating any kind of relationship other than housemates. (And she isn't great for doing the dishes - not a deal breaker yet, but we might get there!)

    What I'm more interested in is how people deal with acting around their crush when they happen to live with their crush - I find I get extremely awkward (can't help it), so I was more looking for strategies as to how to deal with little things like that!
     
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  6. Queen

    Queen Member

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    It's a different time now, but for me, in the 70's and 80's, I just went for it (caveat - only with single roomies). Lots of fun and a few disasters. If they had a girlfriend I just went about my business and found other outlets for my interest; started playing rugby, joined some community activist groups, things like that.
     
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  7. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    Never lived with a crush, but I've had plenty on friends who I have seen every day or worked closely with, which for one reason or another I decided not to pursue. In my experience, the best way to move past a crush is threefold: don't beat yourself up, keep your distance, and distract yourself/replace your crush.

    It's fine that you have a crush on her, but that's all it is: a crush. It's not fate, or romance, or soulmates, just some pesky hormones getting uppity when they shouldn't. Tell those hormones to cool it by reducing the amount of time you spend with her for a few weeks; I usually super scheduled myself with friends and chores for a while, to keep busy and give myself lots and lots of other things to think about. If those friend dates and projects also involve exercise, lots of laughter, being outside, platonic cuddling with non-crushes - that's awesome, because those things release some of the same chemicals in our brains that attraction does, while weakening the association of that fluttery feeling with this person you can't have. If going on dates with actually available women is possible, do that too.

    You'll probably always think she is awesome; most of my past hopeless crushes are now, "aww, nostalgia" friend crushes for me, because the reason I fell for them is that they were kind funny sweet people, and that's still true. But after backing myself off, I was able to be friends with them and treat my admiration for them as a neutral, normal part of our friendship, and keep from being super weird or messing up a great friendship.
     
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  8. laura7

    laura7 Member

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    One answer: one night stand!!!
     
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  9. actiondrum

    actiondrum Active Member

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    meet her other gay friends! maybe youll get a new crush!
     
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