Coworker makes comments about sexuality..? Wh...

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Love*Cali, Mar 2, 2014.

  1. Love*Cali

    Love*Cali Well-Known Member

    Aug 29, 2013
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    I'm bisexual. There's a man I work with who, quite a while ago, seemed to catch on that I liked women. I never told anyone this and did not admit this to him. In fact, I think a year ago he straight out asked me. I said no. I do like him as a friend and we joke. But I don't like some of the little hints he'll throw in to conversation, particularly while around others.

    We work in a restaurant. As I waited for a girl to finish getting drinks from the soda station for her tables, he walked up and jokingly cut in front of me. I laughed and told him to get in line. He replied "Oh, I thought you were just staring at her." I said "Uh...No". Awkward.

    Today, I complained that it was so hot and he said "What do you expect? You have a hot girl and a hot guy here beside you." The girl smiled and looked at me but I ignored her and, with a smile, asked if he was really calling himself hot.

    I'm sure I'm somewhat paranoid. But some of the things he says, I fear, might make these girls think I'm possibly into them. I don't find either attractive, at all. In fact, I don't care too much for their personality. The first instance was very awkward for me. The next couple of days, I felt the need to prove through body language that I was NOT into that girl.

    I don't want to call this guy out on it because it seems I would have to admit my sexuality to him. What can I do to stop these little hints?
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Re: Coworker makes comments about sexuality.....

    This guy is doing the shark thing where it bumps you to see what you are made of. Admissions of any sort to him is to be done only if you want to announce something through a sleazy greasy megaphone. I think you have been handling him and the situations superbly. This time, this job shall pass and you will be someone's boss someday and you will spy jerks like him and make them act more professional with just a look.

    Good luck to you, but you don't need it, kid, you'll do great!
  3. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

    Jan 25, 2014
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    Re: Coworker makes comments about sexuality.....

    This is becoming sexual harassment. Even thou people having relationships with co-workers do happen a lot, there is no attraction to this guy so he should simply stop.

    "John, I like working here and have no problems working with you or other staff here. But your sexual jokes are making me uncomfortable and I don't like to date with the people I work with. If I found you attractive, I would be happy to have drinks with you and then some. But are simply not my type, you are too short/tall, not black/etc. So, lets be friendly co-workers and say different types of jokes to make our work fun". If he's 5-8, he's too short. If he's white, he's not black enough, etc.

    Last summer, a niece of mine of mine has got a few boys drooling over her in a swimsuit, it was SOOO cute. One of them, a 15 yr old boy, asks us about her - that he's interested. Very honorable of him. We chuckled and told him "You're several shades to light for her"... which is true, she is only attracted to black boys. It shut him down. We didn't do it out of meanness, but that he isn't her type. Your sexuality is YOUR business, not his.

    Hitting him with a 1-2 punch without being nasty should give him the hint to keep things more professional.
  4. Raiden

    Raiden Well-Known Member

    Jan 30, 2014
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    Re: Coworker makes comments about sexuality.....

    I wouldn't call it "sexual harassment" it sounds kinda exaggerated. From my perspective (maybe because I'm not sensitive), is only a battle of words and there had to be a reason for the cause, pathetic but it happens. You either change your attitude and be more straight forward with that person, or make fun of him, give him instant replies, use fine irony, he will feel uncomfortable. I know that kind of people better than the palm of my hand and it will work. 100% guarantee.
  5. MizzLadyPants

    MizzLadyPants Well-Known Member

    Oct 3, 2013
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    Re: Coworker makes comments about sexuality.....

    You don't have to call It sexual harassment. But if he says something inappropriate again, by all mean you have the right to let him know that its inappropriate
    it can be as simple as.
    "Hey were at work, can we keep it a little more professional please."

    Perfectly appropriate... Your just reminding the douche bag there's a time & a place, And hopefully he'll manage to mind his manners when you remind him hes at work.

    You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable at work.
    I've been straight up felt-up, sexually harassed at work before and it usually starts with comments/ Just let the jerk know whats up, while still keeping your cool & be professional.

    But say or do something hun
  6. Shannon1981

    Shannon1981 Well-Known Member

    Aug 2, 2013
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    Re: Coworker makes comments about sexuality.....

    This is completely inappropriate for the workplace. I worked in restaurants for years before I went back to school, and I know how people are in there. It is often a really sleazy, sexually charged environment to work in, rife with partiers and druggies. I totally get where you are coming from.

    However, it is still work. You are well within your rights to tell him to back off and keep it professional. You could also take it to management if it doesn't stop.

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