Conservative religious parents & 2 lesbian daughters (-:

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by Jasberry, Mar 1, 2015.

  1. Jasberry

    Jasberry New Member

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    So I've always had an idea or thought that I could be lesbian or at least bi-sexual. Throughout all of my life I had never kissed anyone to "confirm" my sexuality. I never wanted to tell people I was something w/out knowing on my own first. Finally this year of college I decided a kiss was not necessary to "confirm" my sexuality, I am attracted to girls and I know it. Since I attend college in San Francisco far away from home I decided it was the time to finally come out! Not too long ago I came out to my roommates & my friends out here. It made me happy to finally be able to act like myself out here. 2 weeks after coming out to my roommates and friends I came out to my older sister over the phone. She was very supportive (questioned me a lot) but supportive overall. BUT, today she told me she as well was attracted to girls! I've been trying to come out to my parents but I can't imagine how hard it'll be for them knowing 2 of there girls are lesbian. Obviously I support her but I don't know what to do! This is a lot to take in.
     
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  2. Hermit

    Hermit Member

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    Is your sister out? Otherwise you could tell your parents together. There' s a high chance you'll be orphans after that anyway...sorry, just joking. If they know about your sister probably they know already even about you, and if they went through it once they can do it again. If you feel you want to tell them just do it, don't think too much, always choose what's best for yourself. We are too used to always put others before us, but life' s too short to wait to be happy
     
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  3. mavislove_17

    mavislove_17 Member

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    Jasberry I can very much relate to your situation. I have always known I like girls but it took my older sister coming out as bi for me to start exploring that side of my self...and even then I used it as a "no I'm just learning more about it all as a sign of support for my sister." Then I started to admit it to myself and to my best friends, but I still wasn't ready to tell my parents...more importantly my mom, in fear that I would disappoint her. Now my mom would always say that my sister was only dating girls because she was overweight and thought that she couldn't get a guy, every time she said that I wanted to yell "well I'm gay and I'm not overweight so how would you rationalize that?!" But I didn't because I knew it was something I wanted say calmly and talk about like an adult. I didn't want her to think I was "just trying" be like my older sister, nor did I want to seem like it was just to spite her. So I started to tell some family, I told my aunt (my moms sister) and my father (bio dad) and my sister and told them all that I wanted to be the one to tell my mom. Over this time my mom stopped saying that about my sisters sexuality is very supportive of my sister...I still wasn't ready to tell her yet but I was almost there then it happened, I lovingly like to refer to it as "the phone call that ended up outing after the call ended." I was out with my mom and my dad (step dad- also wasn't out to him yet either) called my phone to talk to my mom (he knew he had a better chance of reaching my mom on my phone then on hers because hers was in her purse under everything haha). Anyway long story cut short, my mom ended the call and my phone went to the home screen which had the forest scene from Skins (Naomi and Emily) on it and she said "Don't tell me you are gay too, I can only handle one of you girls being gay!?" as she hand me back my phone. My response was "Then you don't want to have this conversation right now." Took my phone walked away and precessed to FREAK OUT and PANIC TEXT my best friend. My mom finished buying what she was looking at then found me (and my eyes starting to water like crazy) and told me to fallow her out side so she could smoke. There we talked and I cried but we had a great talk and my mom said that she loved me no matter what that yes she is a little sad that she wont have grandchildren (did explain that we actually can,and I know she knows that for some reason still said that) or that my sister and I wont be able to get married (hopefully that will change soon), yet alone get married in our church (that will probably never change.) But she still loves me and that all she really cares about is that the person I'm with treats me right and loves and respects me, know she knows that that person will be a girl not a guy.

    I was 26 when that happened and my mom is still just amazing, I was upset about something and wanted to talk her about it face to face,yet couldn't so she started to ask if it was girl problems... I said no, because I don't have a girlfriend or anyone I'm interested in. Her response was, "Is that the problem because I can help you meet someone." Btw, it was a bad roommate living situation that I wanted to talk to her about, but i did appreciate the fact that she is ready to talk about any relationship stuff that I would want to talk about.

    Anyway, my point is that you maybe surprised by your parents reactions to both you and your sister being gay. My mom loves my sisters girlfriend and cant wait for me to get one...I'm also think she might start setting me up soon...not sure how I feel about that.
    Anyway, just keep in mind three big things,

    1) no matter what you will always have your sister with you so you can help support each other through this. Side note: I would also talk to your sister about this, she might not be ready to come out to your parents and if that is the case and you still want to come out to them then you should tell her that. And remember that just because she likes girls too and doesn't want to come out yet doesn't mean you have to stay in the closet too. It is your decision to make.

    2) Remember it might take sometime for your parents to understand or to fully accept, so if the they aren't ready to throw you a pride parade but simply say "I love" thats ok. Just be ready if they do have any questions for you.

    3) Even if it doesn't go well, not only do you still have your sister but it sounds like you have great second family, your friends. Friends are the family you choose, and my friends are my second family.
    I hope this helps you Jasberry, let me know if you have any questions or just want to talk about anything at all . :)
     
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  4. mavislove_17

    mavislove_17 Member

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    Sorry I forgot to mention that both of my parents are very active in our church (Orthodox Christian), my dad is on the perish council and my mom is in the lady's group. my mom still will introduce my sisters girlfriend to everyone including her church friends as her girlfriend and not girl-friend.
     
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  5. Isabela Felix

    Isabela Felix Member

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    Good to read that! I'm a lesbian and i have two gay brothers (meaning ALL my parent's kids are gay), They've known that since 2007 and they dodn't take it very well at first... actually for a long time.. now everything is ok... cause.. sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself and don't let people tell you how to live your life. At first I was trying to make my parents happy and pretending that i wasn't gay. So when i started to say "this is me and this is how i live my life" they started to change. I think respect is the key to everything. You have to respect your parents and they have to respect you too.. Good Luck with everything!
     
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  6. Avatar Korra

    Avatar Korra Member

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    what do you mean a lot to take in? they'd be like
    - alright, we can accept having a lesbian daughter, but two lesbian daughters?! this is a lot to take in, we could've take only half in but not this....
    put some Johnny Cash on the background, let the "god's gonna cut you down sooner or later" while talking to them; it gives you courage
     
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