Confused. My feelings don't make any sense.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by skittletiger66, Dec 17, 2017.

  1. skittletiger66

    Jun 29, 2015
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    It doesn't make any sense. I recently started seeing someone who on paper has so many important things I want in a significant other. We both seem to want a similar lifestyle in a big picture kind of way. We both love animals, we don't want kids, we both want to live in similar living arrangements, we communicate well. We also share a similar outlook in life. We like the simple things, we are not materialistic, we share a lot of the same values. Just a lot of important things I care about.

    She also has a lot of personality characteristics I like. She treats me well. She's sweet, caring, and has a good heart. She's affectionate towards me accepts me for who I am. She's patient, which is good for me. I feel like I can trust her.

    All of these things are so hard to find in a significant other, especially for me. Dating has definitely not been easy and it's a process I hate having to keep going through.

    But for some reason I don't have strong feelings for her. I don't feel that deep connection I need yet. She says she has strong feelings for me but I just feel lukewarm most of the time. Some days I'm into it somedays I'm not. We have been on 7 or 8 dates and we've been talking for a little over a month. I don't know if it's something that needs more time, if there's something wrong with me (I do struggle with relationships in general and have issues when it comes to being close to anyone), or if it's just not meant to be. I care about her but I don't want to settle and I don't want her to either.
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2017
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I think you have to tell yourself that your feelings are okay. Finding a mate, clicking with someone is more than just a check list. I wish it would be that simple but it is not. That is why it feels so magical when 2 people click and that is why it is so powerful. People live and die, get birthed, countries rose and fell because of that connection.

    It is kind to tell your friend what is going on. It is a difficult, yet respectful task. If it were you falling for someone who doesn't quite feel the same way, you'd want to know.

    Big hugs, and may you soon find the person you are looking for.
    Gentry, Spygirl and Nancy like this.
  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
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    I often tell myself that if you have to question whether the relationship is the right one, it's probably not.

    Emotions are tricky little things, and @greylin is correct...relationships are more than a checklist of ideal traits. You also can't make yourself love someone.

    If you're not into this 100%, then don't force it. Both you and she deserve better.
    greylin likes this.
  4. Pearl

    Pearl Member

    Feb 19, 2018
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    It’s actually fairly simple. If you guys have known each other long enough for you to not develop stronger feelings, it’s best that you be honest about it to her and stay friends. Staying strong friends is always better than forcing yourselves into a relationship that might not work yet.

    If you really don’t know yet, just get to know her a bit more. Then you can tell her how you honestly feel.
    greylin likes this.
  5. hobbes10

    hobbes10 New Member

    Mar 8, 2018
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    Everything new takes getting used to. Don't think about the "significant" other part and just enjoy her company.

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