Confused lesbian: sexuality

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Brittany565, Feb 8, 2018.

  1. Brittany565

    Brittany565 Member

    Apr 28, 2016
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    I am in my mid twenties and I have always felt 100% gay as heck. I never have had romantic feelings for men (still don't) and I never was attracted to men in the slightest. If anything when I was young I wanted to look like some celebrity men so women would like me.

    When I was younger I hooked up with some guys when I was extremely drunk (black out) because there were no gay girls around and I also was just curious. After hooking up with two different guys it re confirmed just how of a lesbian I was. I was just picturing hooking up with a girl the whole time and I didn't enjoy it at all.

    Anyways, flash forward I am dating a woman I absolutely love and am super attracted to.

    Also I started becoming extremely involved in fitness, bodybuilding, obsessing with it. After becoming obsessed with looking super muscular, I started to become more physically attracted to some mens physiques. I never got this before, only would be jealous of their physique. Now when I see some muscular men I become attracted but also wish I had their physique. This confuses me because I still wouldn't want to have sex with a man when it came down to it but I just get pleased by how muscular someone can be that it can turn me on.

    I also a long time ago bought a strap on and became obsessed with that too. It made me almost obsessed with dicks because I wish I had one myself. But I don't want to have sex with one, I just really admire some of them.

    So what does this all mean? I honestly feel ashamed I have these feelings, I just love women so much and have never experienced feeling sexually attracted to a mens phsyique till now?
  2. Pearl

    Pearl Member

    Feb 19, 2018
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    You said that you did not enjoy sex with men, so my assumption is that you find how their bodies look attractive. Picture a video game geek at a GameStop and a kid at some candy shop.

    At least that’s what I think the situation is similar to. Does that help?

    Or you could be bisexual, and have preferences for the type of males you may find attractive.

    But if you’ve always had romantic feelings for women and none for men, I would say that it definitely doesn’t sound biromantic.

    But hope these help.
  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Hi Brittany565,

    First off, there is nothing wrong with you. Not a tiny bit.

    It is ok to admire a person's body and not wanting to have sex with that person. It is ok to have envy enough that you want to have that kind of body for yourself and the whole package too. You have a few things going on, your sexuality, your feelings about your own body type and possibly your sexual identity. For me, I have found it quite difficult to figure out all the things I wanted. Some of it is societal pressure because I grew up from a different time. Some of it is, well, things would hit me out of no where.

    When I was growing up, I would watch and read romantic fairy tales about princes and princesses and I always identified as the prince. I thought for a while I would love to be a boy. However, it has taken me many years to realize that I just want to be romantic to girls, and not really wanting to be a boy in the traditional sense. I know I am talking real binary like and thankfully people nowadays understand how much more nuanced sexuality and gender identity could be.

    Some other data points: There are lesbians who get turned on watching gay men sex on TV. Some of the best gay men fan fiction were written by women. I know this woman who writes really hot gay porn. Like I said, lots of nuances in what turn people on. You are young and have so much to explore, respect your feelings and enjoy your attractions.

    At any rate, I tell my female partner my feelings and she accepts me and love me and that always help reassure me what I know, want to know, searching to know that...I am whole.
    Pearl likes this.
  4. Fix Society

    Fix Society Well-Known Member

    Jan 3, 2015
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    Sexuality's a very fluid thing, there's really nothing to ever be ashamed of. Except pedophiles and the like. Now that's shameful. What you feel? Not shameful.

    Have you considered that you're attracted to the ideal? The idea of a muscular body? Of having one just like a man's? But not an actual man? I think it's actually pretty normal. Guys cross-dress too for a reason, ya know.

    At the heart of it, you're still a lesbian. Don't worry, we won't take away your gay card.

    But I think you're confusing the attraction for wanting to be the ideal of a guy's body and not actually to a guy. You get my drift? Again, not shameful, I'd like to reiterate that whatever you feel is perfectly normal.

    So just relax! You have a girlfriend you adore and a goal for your own body. Keep up the good work! Hopefully you won't be so jealous anymore... (Yes, I think you might also just be jealous....).
    Pearl likes this.

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