Confused (almost) beyond comprehension

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by ListensToWind, Aug 22, 2013.

  1. ListensToWind

    ListensToWind Member

    Aug 22, 2013
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    I am at a loss of what to do or say and I’m hoping that one of you very intelligent individuals can help me sort my thoughts. Here’s the scoop: I met this girl R almost 3 weeks ago at a softball tournament (could that be more gay?!). We hit it off right away, instant chemistry! We have literally been hanging out almost every day since then. It feels like we have been friends for WAY longer than we have been, a sentiment she shares, too.

    I found out the day we met that she had recently broken up with her girlfriend a couple of weeks prior. I told myself that I was going to just take it slow and see what happens. The past few weeks I felt like I’ve been monopolizing her time and/or suffocating her haha which I shared with her. “Tell me to back the hell off if you feel like I’m suffocating you” to which she told me “Hahaha no worries, if I’m feeling suffocated I’ll let you know!”

    Okay, with that said, she HAS initiated most of our hangouts. Of course I’ve jumped at the opportunity to see here. We are constantly texting each other things we miss about each other, what we like about each other, and other cute sappy things I won’t bore you with!

    Problem is, I don’t know where I stand with her and it’s frustrating me! That first week we hung out, I was ready to back off from her. We were with a group of friends and she was very touchy-feely with one individual, C, and it through me off. Now, I should note that her circle of friends are in general very touchy-feely, as am i! But, there was something different about them then. Turns out my observation was out of bounds, for the most part (up until last night, which triggered me writing this post!). C was actually in a relationship. Anywho, I didn’t think much of it after that.

    Last week, we were once again hanging out with the same circle of friends drinking, dancing, and having a good time. I noticed R was dancing with this girl I met that night, A, and they were pretty close. Didn’t think much of it, but it stuck in my mind for some reason.

    Which leads me to the events of last night. Once again, hanging out with that same group of friends (seems to always go this way huh). As per usual, we are sitting next to each other and kind of stroking each other’s leg.C had just broken up with her girlfriend so we were trying to cheer her up. Seems like R was REALLY trying. The touchy feelyness occurs again, at one point R was on her lap. They were whispering things to each other. Later on, out of nowhere, A comes up to R and kind of starts stroking her face. And they are making this intense eye contact like they were sharing something. Mind you, ALL of this is happening while I’m literally 1 foot away! A leans in to whisper something in R’s ear and it looks like she’s kissing her neck. I say looks like, cause I never actually saw that but it looks that way. A few minutes later, A says she must go home and the goodbyes ensue. R walks her out and I’m not sure If my mind is playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn they were holding hands. Now, I’m just sitting there trying to understand what’s going on here. I even stepped out to call my bestie and try to figure out my profound confusion.

    I go back in and am kind of withdrawn, still somewhat confused. At this point R is pretty drunk and I’m well on my way there. I notice at one point how close R and C’s faces are to each other. Again, this is happening right next to me! When it was time for goodbyes, I’m sure I saw R and C kiss. Granted, R did end up coming home with me and we had some pretty mindblowing uhhh relations.

    I can’t help but feel confused. The hardest part is not knowing where I stand with her. We have been spending all of this time together and we have had great times! It’s weird, thinking back, we’ve been openly affectionate with each other when we are around other friends. But this particular group, its always been a general feeling of secrecy, touching or kissing while no one is looking. And her friendliness with other women….i’m PROFOUNDLY jealous! It’s crazy how jealous I am, because I’ve never been the type! At the same time, we are not officially or unofficially anything at all. We haven’t talked about it at all. I recall last week one of her friends asking us if we were dating and R replying “No”. I honestly have no right to feel this way, but apparently that fact is not stopping me. What do I do? I realize that a conversation about the two of us is in store, but how do I even breech that subject? Is 3 weeks of not being anything even enough time to think about having a conversation like that? AM I CRAZY?
    Plz help.

    ~Kim Possible :geek:
  2. rebelde

    rebelde Active Member

    Jul 19, 2013
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    First of all, I believe you are entitled to your feelings, even though you're not officially together, you still are allowed to feel jealous.
    Since you have a connexion to this girl and since you like her, you should have a talk about where you stand? From what I read, you seem like friends with benefits, well close firends. There's nothing wrong with being jealous, nobody likes to see their girl being with someone else, but you have to sit down and talk about it. It might seem like a stressful moment, but unless you go through with the talk, you will be torturing yourself for nothing.
    And also, just because she's touchy feely with her friends shouldn't mean anything, I have a friend like that and there are zero feelings there, it's just their way of being communicative.

    So all in all, talk about what you two are, just a casual hook-up or a couple, especially if it keeps hurting you seeing her with other girls.

    Good luck.

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