Confused; about to give up

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by ChychD, Jun 4, 2017.

  1. ChychD

    ChychD Member

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    To start, I'm not usually a confused person. I don't like being confused so I jet whenever I can't figure out stuff. But what am about to share has gotten me stuck!

    I met a girl I'm genuinely in love with which has liberated me from other girls that keep me on the hook. Upon getting liberation, my girl is becoming a different person.

    It's always about what I should buy her and what not. I really didn't mind until when I started a new building project and low on cash.

    I don't understand why simple conversations are not interesting anymore as it usually ends in a fight because she will request for something material I cannot buy for her!

    It is stressing me out but I love this girl and she knows! And she prefers to hang out with her straight female friends than me; she has not spent a night in my house....prefers we go to expensive hotels. And I have moved into a bigger house but still she claims she cannot spend the night because she still lives with mum.

    I'm confused and need serious help! I have tried breaking up but I ended up suffering more than her!
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    She is only using you for money, move on.

    You don't love her, you love who you think she is. But really, she is a different person. She doesn't want a relationship with you in the same way you want a relationship with her. She doesn't want sleep overs, being a real gf, etc... She wants to live a straight life, meet you on the down low in hotels and for you to buy her stuff. Honestly, That is a half step away from prostitution.

    Break up with her and find a girl who is interested in you and not just your wallet.
     
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  3. ChychD

    ChychD Member

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    Thanks. That's a really straight forward response. Problem is I don't fall in love quickly and easily. I have to pass through the rigorous process of finding myself and joy!! Its heartbreaking!!!

    I seriously need a quick fix.....any ideas?

    I'm thinking of going on summer vacation and maybe hook up and have meaningless sex! I don't know!
     
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  4. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    The goal of breaking up with her is not to make her suffer, it is to be broken up with her, so she will stop taking advantage of you. It will probably not make her suffer very much, because it seems like she doesn't actually care that much about you, just your bank account.

    Here are the things you will miss by no longer being involved with this girl:
    • Getting in fights about buying her stuff (seriously, what, I have never had this fight with my wife! We actually have an agreement that we don't do birthday presents, because we were finding all the mandatory gift-giving so stressful and would rather just celebrate occasions with outings and spontanously give gifts when it occurs to us. So imagine an alternative relationship in which your partner... never yells at you for failing to spend money on her. Ever.)
    • Being left hanging so she can spend time with her friends... every time. (I'm gonna guess that these straight friends don't know about you/you are not invited. Which again, is a problem; my wife has friends that I'm not as close to, but especially early in our relationship I was invited to lots of gatherings, and we had the opposite problem - that we might always just hang out together instead of maintain our friendships.)
    • Trying to interpret weird excuses about why she can't come over (she can go to a hotel but not your house... because of her mom? What?)
    • And also, spending all your damn money on hotels! That's fun once in a while, but it is not a normal way to conduct relationships when you have a house.
    You should give up on this terrible relationship. Break up with her, block her number and email, and accept that this will cause you more suffering that it will cause her and that's okay because the point is to broken up with someone who has been shamelessly using you for your money, not to make her repent her ways. Suffer and get through it, and every time you are tempted, remember that she saw you as a slush fund and not as a girlfriend.

    You can cope with suffering in lots of ways - meaningless sex is okay if it works for you. I tend to exercise a lot when I break up with someone (endorphins rewire the lovesick brain over time!), and call on my friends to hang out a lot, or I take some adult ed classes to eat up my time and remind me that I am capable of mastering new things and am pretty damn great.

    You deserve better than this. Good luck.
     
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  5. Narley

    Narley Well-Known Member

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    Gosh you don't sound liberated at all :/ whatever you do, get rid of her. Seriously run away as fast as you can!
     
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  6. ChychD

    ChychD Member

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    Wow!!! Thanks
     
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