Coming it really necessary?

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by _mirage_, May 15, 2015.

  1. _mirage_

    _mirage_ Well-Known Member

    Aug 14, 2013
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    Hey y'all, this is a semi-rant, but it is my thinking and I wanted to see if anyone else shared similar thoughts. I've only ever "come out" to a few people, mainly because I think coming out is highly unnecessary for me. Why? I don't think my sexuality or my sexual identity is anyone else's business, especially my family's. While I don't hide, I also don't put much effort into advertising myself with a "not straight" label. In high school, when seemingly everyone was discovering terms for their sexual orientation, I had that big bang moment where I told my friends/"came out." But, after that, I never really had to announce it again. When I went to college, I realized that it's not a big deal--or sexuality doesn't have to be a big deal, unless I made it one. If people ask me my sexuality, I answer honestly. I don't censor my attraction to women or monitor my gayness (I love this stupid word). I feel no need to hype myself up for a 'coming out' session.

    I think for some people, coming out helps them adjust to accepting themselves. It brings honesty and security for some to tell their families and friends. But, I mostly think coming out is overrated and overstressed. I'm not dating my family or friends, so I don't think I need to proclaim my sexuality to them. I don't think other people should feel obliged to either (after all, we wouldn't proclaim anything if we were straight, so why must we do this?). Does anyone else feel this way?
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Well, you have come out and you do come out. People ask you, you answer. Maybe some day you will be dating someone and want to bring them to your parents for dinner, to a work function, etc... That is a form of coming out.

    I think you think of coming out as a big formal thing. In reality for a lot of people it is little casual moments - a friend asks you who you are crushing on atm and you give a girl's name. Or you mention an ex-gf without making a big deal of it.

    Or the big get up on stage make a speach coming out moments needed? Not for everyone. Are the little coming out moments needed? I think so, if you want to live your life and not make a big deal of it.
    Spygirl and Emm like this.
  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
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    I used to think the...screaming "I'm gay" and publicly announcing who I am was the way to go. It backfired big time. Flash forward to now...and I agree with you...I don't think that there is any need for a grand gesture of gayness.

    That being said...if we live honestly, we come out to people every day. I show up at a work function and bring the wife...that's coming out to people who might not have known. Though I don't speak it verbally, my actions do. I just live honestly and openly and if someone asks, I'm matter of fact about my sexual orientation. I don't go around feeling the need to proclaim who I am. When I meet people, they get to know me for me..and the someone they get to know, oh by the way, happens to be gay.
    Bluenote likes this.
  4. Elaine

    Elaine Member

    Apr 6, 2015
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    I don't think you need to come out any more than you've already did. So no I too don't want to flaunt my "gayness" to every one but I also don't hide it. So I totally agree with your views.

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