Greetings! This is my first time posting and I will try to keep it short. I was in a relationship for about 10 years, we lived together 6. She never wanted to be honest about our relationship because of her fears, parents, friends, etc.She'd claim she would try to come to terms with her issues, but never really tried. I was ready to go public before she was, but I gave her a couple or three years before I'd had enough. I was tired of living by deflection and omission. I felt like we were living together at home and living separate lives elsewhere. So I forced a break up because I couldn't deal with stifling our relationship and keeping up the charade. (Really how much of a charade was it when we were living together for years). We stopped living together. I felt saddened, but relieved and worked to move forward (including therapy). Over the next year, she would try to contact me, but I told her we couldn't be together if she wasn't ready. We barely talked. We had a conversation last year and I even encouraged her to try dating men since she was so scared of being with a woman. (I knew she dated men in high school and college). She said she didn't want to be with anyone else, male or female. She asked me not to date while she figured things out. I told her I couldn't make any promises, but that I would tell her if anything became serious. Two months later, she called me to tell me she was engaged. To a guy. I was shocked because I didn't know she was even dating, but I wrote her off as going after what she really wanted all along (acceptance). Plus, I figured she must have gotten really serious with him really quickly. I did think she could have told me before reaching the engagement stage. Because she had asked me not to date at all and was still trying to be with me 2 months prior. But there was nothing I could do about that. I told her we didn't have anything to talk about anymore. Well then what do you know? She started sending notes, flowers, calls, etc. This started within 10 days of her engagement. She kept saying how much she loved/needed me, that she made a mistake, etc. I tried to be understanding of where she was and foolishly expected her to be honest. I thought the timing was significant; that this was a wake up call for her. I was giddy, but cautious. I gave her space to sort things out and she kept up with her notes/emails/unannounced visits. It then became clear to me that she wasn't going to do anything about her so-called "mistake." I felt like she was trying to just make me her twisted mistress and I told her I wouldn't be a part of her deceit or charade. She disappeared. But not before trying to get me to confirm that I wouldn't "tell", lest her parents, fiancé, friends, etc. find out. She kept repeating the same things about her parents and fears. So then what the h*** was she doing back here? Then she expects me to pretend for all time in the future so that her secrets and lies can remain "safe." When we split a couple of years ago it was to allow her to go live according to her fears, priorities, parents, whatever. I understand that it may be hard for people to come out, but I don't think that her fears give her a pass for being deceitful. I really wish she would have just left me alone or that I would have seen through her earlier. But I just did not believe she would continue to be so dishonest and begin a life with her fiancé by being dishonest. I also feel like she didn't respect me because she tried to use me to keep up her charade and had no desire to change. And yes, I feel stupid. We are mid-thirties by the way. I feel like all of this reinforces how much she didn't want to be with me. I am feeling shell-shocked, used, depressed, demoralized and discarded. If I felt stifled when we were together, I feel like I am suffocating now.