Close friend advice please

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by HoneyInferno, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. HoneyInferno

    HoneyInferno Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2014
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    1
    I have a close friend who I confessed to being interested in last year. She kindly turned me down which I was completely okay with. We were all good after that. We even had Friday night hangouts where we watch Netflix and have wine. At one point, I felt the need to distance myself from her because it’s as though all our mutual friends know that I’m lesbian now. Which is troubling since my friends are homophobic and we see each other at church every weekend. I did ask her if she told and she said no. However, the feelings and vibes I got from our mutual friends was different for a while. It’s been months now and although we are close in a sense, I do admit that its not the same as it used to be. Like there’s this rift between us. I developed this fear that maybe she still thought that I still liked her and that maybe she was off put by me somehow. It made me become more cautious of the way I act around her and speak towards her, although I still care about her deeply as a friend. I can’t help but feel bad that I’ve done something that made her uncomfortable to the point where she may have told our other friends. I also do get into this conflict when I talk to her these days. Now I either show I really care through my words and actions and/or I distance myself. I even end up telling her to hang out with other friends when I know I can be there for her since we talk so often... I want to ask if she still thinks that I like her since I’m not sure what else to do at this moment or if it’s the right course of action. Should I tell her again that I only see her as a friend again?

    What should I do?
     
    #1
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2018
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    2,089
    Likes Received:
    938
    I think the right course of action is to not bring it up. I am actually the kind of person who talks something to death. However, I find myself realizing that, sometimes, it is better to stop explaining what you have already explained. Besides, feelings come and go, ebb and flow. You think you are over someone and then something might just trigger a twinge.

    Now that I have mentioned what not to do, I will suggest what to do. I think it would be good to find people who will support your orientation. Also find friends of your orientation. If you can find a gay friendly church, go to a service. If you are not close to any gay friendly area, visit one. Get friends online. The more people you find supporting you, the less self conscious you are about your passing crush on some straight woman and the less you worry about anyone looking you cross-eyed. You are worth hundred zillion times more than what some homophobe, or anybody for that matter, think of you.

    You have found the courage to confess to a friend and risk your comfort in your current network of friends, I think is quite admirable and a great start in feeling good with who you are.
     
    #2
    Gentry and Nancy like this.
  3. HoneyInferno

    HoneyInferno Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2014
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    1
    That was very well put and has put me at ease. I will follow your advice! Thank you very much :)
     
    #3
    greylin likes this.

Share This Page