Cheating wife

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by Brwneyedgrl, Mar 29, 2015.

  1. Brwneyedgrl

    Brwneyedgrl New Member

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    My wife and I have been having problems for a couple of weeks now. A few weeks ago, I found her texting a "friend" inappropriately. Since then we have been trying to figure out what is going on with us. Well tonight she worked an overnight at work, is now staying at a friends house and it just so happens that girl is in town. Earlier this evening my wife and I talked about making it work between us. Should I be worried? Or am I just paranoid?
    Thanks!
     
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  2. wonderlust

    wonderlust Well-Known Member

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    Was the texting the trigger or cause of your relationship issues?

    I believe in being open about these things and not letting your thoughts eat you up... Why don't you ask her directly if she and this "friend" are planning to meet up and tell her how that would make you feel. Listen to your intuition but also be within the light of reason.

    Speaking of reason, is pulling an all-nighter at work something she regularly does? How bout the sleepover? You have to factor these in, if the answer is yes--- then breathe a little, don't let your worries get the worst of you.

    Good luck!
     
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  3. Brwneyedgrl

    Brwneyedgrl New Member

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    The texting was not the trigger of our relationship issues. We have had our ups and downs. Trust is a big issue for me. We don't sleep in the same bed. We hang out in different rooms, most of the time.

    I have tried telling her how I feel but she gets angry and says I'm being stupid. She has never been a huge communicator and it is usually like pulling teeth to get her just to say one feeling.

    She normally does not do all-nighters. Occasionally she will for resetting things as she is a retail manager. The sleepover is a first in a long time. We don't do sleepovers with friends.

    She is also going home this weekend for time away to think. But my fear is that this girl and an ex girl are both in that town and she may see them. I have no idea what she would be doing.

    Thanks for your help!
     
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  4. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Why is trust an issue? That's not just an up or a down in a relationship -- trust should be the foundation of any relationship and if you don't have it, that's a huge problem.

    You need to look at the relationship...sleeping in separate rooms, not communicating, she's texting someone else inappropriately...and then you need to question: what kind of marriage is this if you are living separate lives? The elephant in the room that you're both avoiding (and it seems that she's acting out with someone else b/c she's unable to communicate with you) is that the relationship is broken. And unless you talk, it will never get fixed. It won't get fixed either, if both of you are unwilling to work at it.

    The problem isn't the girl...or the ex girl....the problems come from within.
     
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  5. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    Yes, there's reason to worry. When it seems like someone is hiding something they usually are. Her getting angry when you bring up how you feel is a big red flag. Don't wait around for things to change. She's probably getting ready to end things. Put your plans in place today to be ready. Get your finances together. Don't anticipate long term plans. You don't want to be caught off guard when she suddenly tells you she's leaving.

    Sorry if this seems negative, but I have talked to many women whose relationships ended. They are always one side of two: the one who made plans to end the relationship far in advance, and the one who was completely shocked when her partner said it was over. Pulling away, having sleep overs, inappropriate texting, separate bedrooms - don't ignore the obvious. Don't be the one who didn't see the end coming.
     
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  6. Frazier

    Frazier Well-Known Member

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    How are you getting along?Did the advice help?
     
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