Broke a good friends trust. Dealing with afte...

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Ladyninja13, Jul 4, 2013.

  1. Ladyninja13

    Ladyninja13 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey Ladies,

    I posted this on the old forums, and got some good advice. All I can give her is time. It only has been a week now since we had the argument and she told me why she has been upset with me. We haven't spoken to each other, or looked at each other at work since the argument.

    The short version is I broke her trust. I spoke about something that happened between her and I to people at work. She doesn't like her personal business being spoken about at work. I've admitted my wrong and I feel miserable for doing it. I don't blame her being very angry and not wanting to talk or speak to me right now.

    Since today is the 4th of July, I sent her a text message. The message read "I know you're probably still upset at me. I just wanted to wish you and your family a safe and happy 4th" I assumed she would not reply, and I assumed right. I think knowing I was right hurt is why I'm sad.

    I'm not sure how else to deal with letting her down and her being so upset with me. She hasn't told me the friendship is over or that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. But dealing with this hurts and I'm upset for letting her down.

    Any advice would be great.
     
    #1
  2. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    67
    Re: Broke a good friends trust. Dealing with ...

    Maybe you just need to give your friend some time if you've already apologised? Was this done in person?
     
    #2
  3. Eva Mac

    Eva Mac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    4,680
    Likes Received:
    7
    Re: Broke a good friends trust. Dealing with ...

    I think giving her time is a really good idea, and then when the time is right it would also be a good idea to give her an assurance that you have learned from your mistake, don't just say the words either, mean them. When we make a mistake it very important to take responsibility for that mistake, to know in our hearts that "I did wrong, I hurt someone. They may never forgive me, and I have to live with that as the consequence of my actions, but the one thing I can do is learn from this mistake and try to change the part of me that acted selfishly".

    That is how we grow and evolve as people. I think if she can see that you have taken this to heart and are willing to change as a person she may forgive you in time.

    I wish you well :)
     
    #3
  4. Ladyninja13

    Ladyninja13 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    0
    Re: Broke a good friends trust. Dealing with ...

    Thanks guys. I've been so afraid that I lost her as a friend. The words never came out of her mouth that she wanted to end or not be friends anymore. Seeing her at work and the fact that we can't even look at each other feels even worse.

    Sundancer: the argument we had was through text. We work with each other and we pretty much text more than anything. Only reason why it was done through text.
     
    #4
  5. Ladyninja13

    Ladyninja13 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    0
    Re: Broke a good friends trust. Dealing with ...

    Well ladies, thanks for the advice. I spoke to her to try and get to talk to me so we can fix this, but she said there is nothing to fix or talk about. She doesn't trust me anymore. I told her I meant nothing malicious by this and I do feel like I need to talk to her. She then said she doesn't see why we need to sit down and talk, that I'm just gonna tell her the same things (which is not true and I wrote a quick quip back to her about how I don't like when people assume things) she doesn't hate me or hold anything against me. things are just never gonna be the same again. I wish she told me the friendship is over because all this tells me is maybe with time... Unless I'm delusional and you ladies see something different. Nonetheless, I am heart broken I lost her :cry:
     
    #5
  6. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    2,089
    Likes Received:
    938
    Re: Broke a good friends trust. Dealing with ...

    I am sorry, LadyNinja13, that a slip afforded you such a consequence. I don't know the nature of it but it is very personal and subjective and your friend just feels how she feels. I do wish she could at least spend sometime to talk to you about it and give it some closure but it is just not in the cards.

    I am guessing and making a leap that you are a people's person, and that you often go to people when things get bad. It is probably the way you work out issues and it is just your personality. Unfortunately, it is so hard to do that with your friends at work sometimes and it is good to learn to leave some of your personal life at home. Please understand I am not saying it is a bad thing, the good thing about being a people's person is that you will find the good group of people that you can enjoy and they will enjoy you. Being a people's person will also give you that insight that can work well for your career. You will find that right balance, and that deep friendship where talking is always good and issues are just bumps in the road and nothing that will break your tires.

    I know you are focusing on not losing your friend right now and really kicking yourself. Please don't do either of those, it won't make you, her or anyone happy. It won't fix things. Don't fix it, don't text her and just keep it at a amicable, professional distance. You have already apologized like a good person would, no one died and you don't need to feel guilty around her anymore. Please take care and I hope you feel better from this soon.
     
    #6
  7. Ladyninja13

    Ladyninja13 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    0
    Re: Broke a good friends trust. Dealing with ...

    Greylin, always with wise words. Thank you. I am a people's person. Slowly however, things like this make me realize I need to change and stop thinking that people have the same standard as I do.

    I hope maybe with time a friendship can flourish again, but I know she doesn't want me to beat myself up over it. I can't help it. All I can do is give myself time... and her time... and maybe then things can be talked about.

    Thanks again greylin, and thanks ladies.
     
    #7

Share This Page