Boundaries with Same Sex Friends As a Lesbian

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by dailenvy, Oct 17, 2016.

  1. dailenvy

    dailenvy New Member

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    I never post in message boards but I'm a bit desperate for advice.

    I am in a two-year relationship with another woman and things are going great! We are both doing our best to communicate with eachother specifically about our needs in the relationship. We both have conducted ourselves inappropriately in previous relationships and have often compromised the needs of our partners. This is very important to us so its crucial we keep talking.

    A good friend (bisexual), recently asked me to take a trip with her for the weekend, just the two of us. This friend has, in the past, expressed a strong physical attraction for me...and for my partner. As such, my partner has expressed that she has concerns about me taking this trip. She feels it might open the door to bad behavior. I agree with her so I've let my friend know that I won't be taking the trip with her. Of course, she's very disappointed and doesn't understand why this is a problem. She's a good friend to both of us and is trustworthy to respect my relationship, but I can still see why this might ruffle my parter's feathers. My friendship with this friend is very important but if she's a good friend, she'll understand.

    Am I handling this right? Are we, as a couple, being over-sensitive? Codependent? I'm curious how others might navigate this.

    Thanks.
     
    #1
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    You stated that your friend is "a good friend to both of us..."

    Thus, if she truly were a good friend, she shouldn't even think to invite you away for a weekend on a one-on-one basis. If she is such a good friend I'm not sure why she wouldn't invite the both of you.

    In my opinion, as long as my wife/partner is not being irrational, I would never do something that I know would upset her. It's never a question in my mind because at the end of the day, I'm going to put the feelings of the most important person in my life first. This isn't codependency or your being overly sensitive -- this is your being respectful to your relationship given your friend's past attraction.

    Priorities.
     
    #2
  3. dailenvy

    dailenvy New Member

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    Wire words indeed. I appreciate the validation and your perspective.
     
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