Blurry Lines

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by alphabet, Apr 23, 2016.

  1. alphabet

    alphabet Well-Known Member

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    In continue saga of my dating life. I met this awesome girl on Tinder in Jan. We have been hanging out and flirt a lot. We have a real strong connection and are real friends. We really enjoy each other's company. We both are in open relationships that we talk about. I've even met her partner -- though I admit it was a little awkward.

    She came over once and we "cuddled" and watched a movie in my bed but we didn't have any other physical contact. A few weeks later when we were hanging out a party we ended up being very touchy. I put my hand on her waist and rubbed the small of her back. When she didn't react negatively I even slipped my hand in her shirt and continuing small circles with my thumb. After we all went out to a club with some friends, but the first one was having a private event, so while we waited I kissed her neck. We were standing together with my hand in her shirt rubbing her back and her arm around my neck. But she pulled me back and said "not yet".

    When we got to the second club we danced and I kissed her neck a few times. I reached up and pulled her towards me to kiss her and she said "wait, I don't know". So I immediately apologized and didn't try again. Even though we stayed dancing together, which was her arms around my neck, and our bodies pressed together with my hand on her hip and one inside her shirt rubbing her back.

    We left the club and walked back to the car with our arms around each other. Right when we got to the car I reached my hand up as if I was going to pull them in for a kiss, but I stopped myself remembering earlier. She said "hey were you trying to make out with me" and I said "yeah sorry" and she said "why?" and I was like "because i didn't want to upset you?" and then she said she wasn't upset and reached up and kissed me.

    So we made out for a while on the sidewalk and then she said "let's get outta here". I thought this meant we would have go home together. But, after we started driving she said she was gonna drop me off at my car. I asked her if she wanted to come over and she said that she needed to go home. Then she said she had a great time with me but she wasn't gonna sleep with me. I said asked if she meant just tonight or always and she said she didn't know. She said she thinks I'm really cute so that wasn't the issue.

    Once we got to my car she kept asking me if we could still be friends, and asked if I would hate her if she didn't sleep with me. I told her that was ridiculous and that we are friends and I respect her wishes. Once we parked though we made out again. Then right before I got out of her car she kissed me again...like softly...telling me again how much fun she had.

    So my question after this long story is what the fuck is happening?
     
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  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    The thing here that I've picked up on is the idea of "open relationships." It looks like to the outsider that what you deem to be "open" may not be the same "open" as her. She seems open to flirting and kissing but anything further than that and she doesn't want to go there. As I read this is appears that you're on very shaky territory, you're both in open relationships but she wouldn't kiss you with others around which is what made me wonder about how open her relationship actually is.

    It all seems far to complicated to me, but personally I couldn't emotionally manage an open relationship and the fact that the person you're interested in outside of your current relationship is also in an open relationship just brings in a awful lot of people's feelings to take into consideration. It's not just you and Tinder girl, it's your partner, her partner and then any other people that you or her maybe seeing. All this before you even have to consider over protective friends sticking their noses in and giving their opinions to you, her or any of the other partners. If I were you I would proceed with extreme caution.
     
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  3. alphabet

    alphabet Well-Known Member

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    I would like to clarify that both of us are in open relationships that are non-monogamous sexually. I've already told my partner about her and she has encouraged me. So that's not an issue for our relationship. But, I'm not sure what she has or has not said to her partner either. When I met her friends some of them knew who I was so she has also clearly told them about me.

    I do think you have a point about her not wanting to kiss right in front of her friends when we were outside, though we were dancing together and being obvious at the club with those same friends. Some people are private and I don't normally like/do PDA.

    We didn't really talk it out cause it was so late and i'm so reluctant to do so but maybe i should,
     
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  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Talking would definitely be a starting point.
     
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  5. alphabet

    alphabet Well-Known Member

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    Well the truth is NOT at all what I thought lol. So yes talking is a good thing to do. Turns out it was more that our sexual chemistry was kinda surprisingly off. I felt that too but I also thought it was maybe because of drunkness. After talking to her I understand now her reluctance. Feel silly.
     
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