Bisexuality Issues

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by shrubbie25, Jul 26, 2013.

  1. shrubbie25

    shrubbie25 Member

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    Hey there,

    I would like some input on this: lesbians' distrust of bisexuals. I understand its a touchy subject and thanks to some bisexuals being badly behaved in the past we are often viewed as greedy, untrustworthy and no ends of trouble. But we aren't all like that and it is difficult to convince otherwise.

    My dilemma is I got talking to a girl I knew from university that I liked a lot and thought we had a connection but it was stressed she does not date bisexual girls, and I reluctantly accepted this. Yes the girl in question is gay, whereas I have been identified by others as bisexual as I have dated boys and girls in the past; but I haven't been with a boy in three years, primarily because I came out three years ago, and despite still struggling with acceptance thanks to religious family ties I am growing comfortable in my skin.

    Despite saying she doesn't want to date me she still brings up my bisexuality for no good reason, saying she likes to 'keep an open mind' about the fact I like boys and girls. What on earth does she mean by this? I tried convincing her I can be trusted but when talking about a mutual male friend from university whose number we both had I was 'jokingly' accused of just wanting some. It wasn't a good joke.

    How can we bisexuals convince lesbians that we aren't all the same and we can be trusted? I have a feeling I should just let this girl go, get over my attraction to her and just try being friends as I stand to get hurt by her confusing hot and cold vibes as she said she doesn't want to date me but is still happy to flirt on in her own way? Confidence using boost - and you say we can't be trusted not to hurt someone? Advice would be great anyone thanks :)
     
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  2. Sensy

    Sensy Well-Known Member

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    Not all the lesbians need to be convinced to trust bi. I am an open-minded lesbian and I don't mind dating bi as long as she doesn't talk about boys every min and every sec. :D

    Don't give up. If she really likes you, she would change her mind.
    Give her and yourself a chance.

    Have a nice day
     
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  3. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    If she likes you, she'll overcome her own low self confidence. It's obviously stemming from a worry that she might not be good enough and that if she dates someone bi, that the girl will leave her for a male.

    Used to have this argument all the time with my ex. I was always faithful despite being bi, my lesbian ex girlfriend was not so faithful. So... What's worse? Me being faithful and bi, or someone who's lesbian and unfaithful? I know which one I'd pick every time. The girl who is loyal, faithful, and loves me.
     
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  4. shrubbie25

    shrubbie25 Member

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    Hey,

    Thanks very much for the feedback guys :) its a tough one, and although I really like her I don't think shes willing to risk. She admitted to me shes been hurt bad in the past and I don't think it helps matters that guys aren't afraid to come up to me and ask me out - she know about this. I have repeated my lack of interest in men to her many times and and that I only see them as friends but I don't think my words carry much meaning anymore.

    I too have been open-minded throughout my teenage and adult life when it comes to others because everyone is different and you should be prepared to give people a chance because although we might share the same gender likes, that does not make us alike in personality or behaviour, and it ultimately led to me realising I was attracted to girls.

    Sundancer I agree with you - I always find its the latter thats unfaithful, but thanks to bisexuals in society who haven't always behaved the best and have acted with selfish motives have ultimately had us stereotyped as cheaters :(
     
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  5. Unbelievers

    Unbelievers Member

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    I have had this in the past, i have dated both males and females, I got talking to an old friend from school who is also bisexual...she said to me herself she would never date a bisexual, which i find completely odd. A lot of lesbians i know also say they wouldn't because they would be paranoid about competing with males. Only a handful i know have said it does not bother them and would date a bisexual.
     
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  6. Eva Mac

    Eva Mac Well-Known Member

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    Lesbians who can't accept or understand that a person is bisexual are as bad as intolerant straight people as far as I'm concerned. I'm a lesbian, but I can't understand why a person would be so rude/hurtful as to criticise someone else's sexuality. Doesn't make sense to me. I don't think anyone decides "I'm gonna be bisexual/straight/gay" it just is what it is. I'd date a bisexual woman no problem as long as I trusted her as a person in general, I don't see what her sexuality has to do with whether she's trustworthy. If this girl sees you only as a bisexual and not a person I don't think it's a good start.

    Likewise if a person is so insecure that they can't handle that men may be attracted to you then they need to work on their own insecurities.

    You are bisexual, so what? Are you trustworthy in relationships? If yes, then explain that. Why would it matter whether you ran off with a man or a woman if you were the cheating kind? It wouldn't, what does matter is that you can be trusted in general in relationships. Explain that.
     
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  7. lost sheep

    lost sheep Active Member

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    I heard that there was a bisexuality phobia from the gay community. The whole idea of it just confuses me. Most of us have had a "bad experience" with someone, regardless of orientation. How did it get to be that bisexuals were blamed as a whole instead of just the person(s)?
     
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  8. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry I don't want to answer the question in general. I don't have enough a feel nor do I have enough study on that kind of prejudice in our community to comment.

    I do want to know specifically why you think you are bisexual and why are you putting up with this particular person. First off, whether you are bisexual or not what she is doing is not cool at all and borderline abusive. I can't imagine having to convince another person what level my interest in women is. If I tell someone something about me and right off the bat she says she doesn't think so, she would be the one having to convince me to the contrary. And I don't think I would even listen too much to her if she doesn't manage to impress me after 10 minutes.

    Lastly, the reason I am asking you why you think you are bisexual is that your mentioned your progression from dating both to only dating women. Do you feel like you can be attracted to both in general or you identify with bisexual because you had dated guys before. And if you identify as bisexual either way it is fine. Sometimes it takes time to figure out where we are on the continuum and non supportive people like your friend certainly don't help. For me, I can't be with someone I can't even talk to about my sexuality.
     
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