Bi/closeted girlfriend.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by knickerbockerglory, May 29, 2015.

  1. knickerbockerglory

    knickerbockerglory New Member

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    hello all, for the past 2 years i have been in a relationship with a closeted bisexual woman. At the start of the relationship the buzz from the circumstances was very energizing. Firstly, that this beautiful woman who could have any man or woman in the world would be interested in me, and secondly that every time we saw each other was like a secret, passionate tryst.
    However, 2 years down the line, the circumstances are now getting to me. The trysts still remain of course, but the excitement is often displaced by paranoia now. She will not live with me yet as she feels it would look weird to her parents if she lived alone with me (an out lesbian), instead she stays in her family home. Hence my paranoia about being caught out there.
    A few weeks ago we argued because i had confided in a friend about us and she hadn't given me permission to do so. I was hurt by the argument as she called me inconsiderate about her situation of being closeted and told me in no uncertain terms that it was her alone that can disclose that information, regardless of who it is to. I pointed out that i go to great lengths to keep the relationship a secret from her family, more than she realizes. For example, i will speculate with her mom about which guys at work she might be holding a flame for, knowing full well it is none of them. This is of course only in response to her mothers musings, i don't initiate those conversations, but i play along to keep her mom off the scent.
    The thing is, if the truth comes out not on her terms, i just dont 100% trust that she wont cast me aside and instead conform to be the straight woman her family would prefer her to be.. Sometimes she says she wants to come clean but that never lasts long, and honestly i do not know if she has the balls to do it, or ever will,even though she wants to. I love her more deeply than i have ever loved anybody. i know that she loves me too, i just dont know if she loves me enough.
    we are 27 now and i feel i should be settling down and preparing for marriage and a family. She talks about all those things with me too, they are often our pillow talk conversations. i dare not ask for a timescale though because i dont want her to feel im pressuring her to come out after she has made it very clear that it will be on her own terms and time.

    I guess i dont have a question, just a lot to say as i am unable to speak to anybody else about it. If anybody has any experience of this, or any advice, please share :)
     
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