Being shy and dating?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by SensingOwls, May 24, 2016.

  1. SensingOwls

    SensingOwls Member

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    Heyo!

    I'll try to keep this as short and sweet as possible. I have recently been released back into wilderness of dating as I was in a very long term relationship up until about 8 months ago.

    I have been out of the ol' game for so long, and have been bumping my head and stubbing my toes as I've stumbled through this mine field of casual dating and what not. I've had my share of hookups and casualness since. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I do get a lot of attention from girls, and so I've never had to really put myself out there too much or make the first move. Which is all unicorns and rainbow shits BUT it's bad too as I am actually incredibly, painfully shy.

    And so now I've met this girl, who I like a lot and she definitely likes me as she has made the first move every time so far (from kissing, inviting me out and texting etc.). And she is also a very shy person but is putting herself out there. But I am just so so crippling shy to make my feelings known, that she even thought I was only interested in friendship. That's how bad I am!

    I come off as a friend, as I am so scared to show her that I like her and I don't know why! I'm so scared of scarying her off that I in fact do almost nothing. I won't invite her out, I very I rarely text first and I don't understand because I like her so much. Gosh I'm a nightmare!

    How do I stop being so shy, awkward and guarded?


    Thank you so much for any input at all :D
     
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  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    As a fellow shy dater I can only tell you what has worked for me. Those moments when you're second guessing yourself "I'd like to kiss her" etc before you start to doubt whether you can/should just do it, embrace the impulsiveness. The first few times it'll feel like jumping off a cliff but it gets easier with time.
     
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  3. SensingOwls

    SensingOwls Member

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    Thanks for your advice Nancy. I decided to just grab the bull by the horns and told her how I feel and it turns out she feels exactly the same way :D Yay!
     
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  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Great news!
     
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  5. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Something to dance about, for sure! :)
     
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  6. SensingOwls

    SensingOwls Member

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    Thanks Nancy and Greylin. Oh, yes definitely something to dance about :p

    I'll be seeing her tonight with some friends ( not just the two of us).

    Now on to phase two: How to not act like a feral cat being fed by hand for the first time, when I see her later. I struggle to act comfortable with new people as I take a bit of time to get comfy. Do I kiss her when I see her? Do I hug her? Do I do both? Do I pet her on the head and say " Hey slugger "?

    I can become so awkward in these situations, where it involves the object of my affection. It pains me. Is everyone this nervous and shy when it comes to someone new?

    Thanks again for any sort of input.

    x
     
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  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Go with what feels right when you see her. Walk up to her flash her a smile and you never know before you even manage to think "What should I do right now?" She will probably beat you to it and do one of you options or even one of her own. Don't panic, it'll be far less scary in real time than in the hours thinking about it before.
     
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  8. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Get her to talk about herself. Then observe and really listen and connect with words bring up things in the future that she'd talk about today, either with a gift or some kind of gesture. She is probably curious about you too so there will be lots to talk about.
     
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  9. Plane Jane

    Plane Jane Active Member

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    It's so difficult for people who aren't shy to understand how hard it can be to put yourself out there. Since you're shy, too, you know what it takes for her to do that, and I just thought it was nice that you acknowledged what she's doing.

    That's great advice!

    You've presumably already seen her again by now, but as another shy person I'm gonna throw this idea into the mix anyway because it sometimes helps me to do this: Think how you, being shy, would like her to greet you and then you do that to her.

    If it's any consolation, I'd wager big money that I've got you beat in the nervous/shy with new people department.

    Congratulations on how well it's going! You're doing great!
     
    #9
  10. SensingOwls

    SensingOwls Member

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    Hi ladies

    Thank you so much for taking the time to give your advice. Definitely helped a lot and tried to keep these things in mind.

    We greeted with a hug, but no awkardness at least hehe. The Uber with her and her 2 friends did make for some painfully awkward silences, but as the night got a little more jolly we brought it up and joked about it a lot. Aaaaand I may or may have not ended up staying over at hers :p

    Once again ladies, thank you for all your advice and tips on helping me tackle my shyness and awkwardness head on :D As it is even harder when you put two shy people together.

    It's so much more fun when you just go for it!
     
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