Being her first time

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Lilbiscuit, Mar 12, 2016.

  1. Lilbiscuit

    Lilbiscuit Member

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    Hi everyone!

    So I wanted to ask you little tips. There's this straight girl I like who out of the blue started to hit on me. I'm not sure what I'll do yet but if something ever happens I want to be prepared. I've had past experiences (not so many and never with a straight girl). She's is clearly just curious and wants to try, which I'm open to (she's really... wow). I'm at ease with my flirting skills, I'm at ease with my body but I wanted to know if you have some tips to give me. Even if the sex will be surely a one time thing, I really want to "rock her world" lol.

    Thanks :)
     
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    Last edited: Mar 12, 2016
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    She's just started hitting on you and you have already fast forwarded to wanting to know how to give her an amazing bang? Jesus that's fast.

    Let's take a deep breath here and calm down a bit. Having been rather slutty in my wayward youth, I have some advice for you. But it isn't as simple as sex + tip = oh wow!

    Firstly, you are making a lot of assumptions. That's unlikely to lead to satisfying sex. 1) you are assuming that she wants her world rocked (as opposed to connection and sincerety) 2) you are assuming that you will 'top' her 3) you are assuming that a bunch of random strangers know some magic keys to getting this girl off.

    The 'tips' I have for you- don't make assumptions, communicate with your lover and don't be surprised if she has a kink.

    Every person is turned on by different things. The lead up can be just as important as what happens between the sheets (or in the shower, or bent over the couch). Maybe she digs you wearing a tie, maybe she gets off on the chase, idk. And the only way you will know is to flirt with her and see how she reacts.

    I have no clue what this girl likes in bed. Rough? Soft? Teasing? Dressing up as a stuffed animal? (apparently that's a real thing, yes, I have read too much Dan Savage for my own good). Again, the only way you will know is to communicate with her.

    Lastly, you seem to 'get off' (at least psychologically) at the thought of getting her off. There is nothing wrong with that, it's just an observation. But- you are assuming that really amazing sex for her will be you 'rocking her world.' What if she is a top? What if what will really get her off is getting you off - repeatedly, if possible.

    If that is the case, you would rock her world by being a communicative bottom. Tell her what you like, give her feedback, don't be afraid to suggest activities/ positions / toys.

    A number of people have written in here looking for 'first time' advice. The replies were lots of good suggestions on 'how to have good sex.' Good luck and have fun.
     
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  3. Lilbiscuit

    Lilbiscuit Member

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    Ok "rock hier world" isnt the right expression but my English skills aren't the best. And no it's not assumptions I just wanted to get to my question without all the back story (she started flirting like 8-9 months ago, there's a background to that)
    I know there's no magic key for it but I wanted to ask, like if there was something particular but yeah, it depends on each person, I kinda expected this answer :)
    I don't usually go on forum but I guess I'm nervous
     
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  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    She told you she wanted to have sex and you haven't banged her yet? That is tip #1 - if she wants it and you want it, then go for it (practicing safer sex, of course).
     
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  5. Lilbiscuit

    Lilbiscuit Member

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    Like I said I don't know yet if I'll do something. The situation is more complicated and she has a boyfriend. I didn't act on that yet, that's one of the reasons. I really do like her (really really do) and that's why if something does happen, it has to be one time cause I've been twice with closeted girlfriends and never ended well.

    We've been flirting a lot for months and we went out last week and there she told me (she was sober). I've been thinking a lot since last week (maybe too much)
     
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  6. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    So she has a boyfriend, but you are coming here asking for tips on how to rock her world? Isn't that playing with fire? As in, you really, really like her. You are really, really thinking about banging her. But you know you shouldn't.

    I know this isn't exactly the question you are asking, but here goes.

    If you don't have a problem banging a girl with a bf. Or she and the bf break up. And, you can bang a girl that you really, really like just once - without getting your heart broken, or your head messed with (or both) then go for it.

    But telling yourself 'I am not going to get screwed over by sleeping with this 'straight' girl, because I am only going to sleep with her once,' sounds like serious denial to me. Sleeping with a hot girl once sounds about as realistic to me as eating 1 chocolate chip cookie - great in practice, but something that I totally suck at in real life.

    Let's say that she and bf break up, or agree to an open relationship. You gals sleep together once. Then what? If she says 'hey, that was sexy as hell, lets do it again,' are you actually going to say no? Or would you just move the denial marker 'well, lets just be fwb, I won't get screwed over if I have fwb with a straight girl.' And if you really did say 'nope, it was a one time thing,' is that going to be easy for you? If you are worked up about her now, won't you be even more worked up after banging her? What if you sleep with her and she says 'look, I think I might be lesbian / bi?' Would you kick her to the curb?

    I generally advocate against dating "straight" girls. That being said, I was "straight" when I met my first gf (I was also 16). No one can make anyone else be ready to come out. On the other hand, sometimes people are just ready to come out - or its just not hard for them to come out (liberal background, supportive family, gay relatives, etc...) So what happens if the "straight" girl you sleep with decides she might not be so straight? Would you give her an ultimatum? Would you give her some time?

    I guess my question for you is - what do you really want? Not what does she want. And not what might be possible in this specific situation. But what do you want? Are you cool with hook ups, playing the field, flipping straight girls? Or, deep down, do you really want a gf? I mean, this seems like a messy situation - straight girl, with bf, not wanting to be with a closeted girl, the one bang rule, really really liking her, her coming on pretty strong. (And how do you really feel about doing anything with a girl who is coming on this strong for this long while she has a bf?)
     
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  7. Lilbiscuit

    Lilbiscuit Member

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    Ok I'll try to answer what I can, I didn't put the background for that reason.

    So I've been with a closeted girlfriend for 4 years and it began as fwb, then gf then me really giving her space and time to come out but she never did and I gave the ultimatum. We aren't together anymore but we are still in a weird place (so the boyfriend is not the only reason). It's too long to explain the whole story. And I'm not looking for a relationship.
    That answer the fact that no fwb EVER again. I'm
    Im in denial to say just one time I know but another thing is that she will leave the city anyway for work so it'll end as soon as it started (another thing that will help me not eating the whole pack of chips and why I'm considering it, otherwise it would be no).

    She just wants to experiment, her boyfriend isn't my problem. It's maybe egoistic to say this but it's her deal and not mine, and she started flirting (I wouldn't have started it). And I'm ok for a hook up (I'll just live once) so those are part of the reasons why I haven't banged yet and Why I didn't give the background, cause it's complicated in my head.
     
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  8. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    If she's with someone,you better don't be the person she cheats on her boyfriend with. Like guys have feelings too and cheating is definitely one of the worse things one could do to their partner. As long as she's dating him, I suggest you stay away from her.
    If she happens to break up with him, then go for it. It's too late to tell you to not flirt with her but I suggest you stop BECAUSE she's with someone and that affects you. Not to sound rude but you'll probably end up wanting more and she doesn't sound like the type that could give it to you.

    Frankly, if you wanna do something, there's nobody on this Earth, or any other planet for that matter, that could stop you. I hope you start using your head and don't rely on your heart and desire to fuck someone.
     
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  9. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    If you want to learn about the mechanics of bedding down a woman. Here's a link you will find interesting: http://sexnerdsandra.com/. I have listened to some of her free podcasts before, so maybe if you don't want to pay for the material, you can dig around for a site that she has guest hosted in or something. I have found them interesting and helpful.

    I don't know how else to advice you because my feelings and values about sex are different. I can't do casual. And even if I could, I don't like someone who doesn't ask for consent from an existing partner. I wouldn't be able to trust such a person to take care of me in such an intimate exchange. There are circumstances where people have cheated on their relationships that I find understandable. So what I am saying applies narrowly to the woman you are interested in. Even if I were into something casual, I would not trust her. I can't articulate what it is, so call it a hunch. If you end up in bed with her, please be safe and make sure her bf can't track you down. If her bf gets suspicious, I have a feeling she'll roll you under the bus.
     
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    Last edited: Mar 27, 2016
  10. Lilbiscuit

    Lilbiscuit Member

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    Yes I'm starting to use my head, I did let it go, writing about it made me realize everything. Very bad idea. I'm not answering her texts anymore and now it's been a few days I have no news.
    You all are right and I know this!
     
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