Attention seeker

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Halpme, Oct 3, 2018.

  1. Halpme

    Halpme Member

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    I’m pretty sure this girl likes me, but this is less about that and more about what kind of game she’s playing. I’m out, she’s presumably straight.

    Quick back story : I’m in my 4th year university, so is she (different degree). This August I was selected to travel out of town for a week long conference with a few other students, she was one of them and that’s how we met - We were merely acquaintances during the week away, when we returned home all the attendees were all going out for drinks so I gave her my number saying to let us know if shes joining us (she did not join us) - Since the # exchange, she went from 0-100 I get the feeling that she’s into me. Here’s why:

    -She texts me constantly and has been since we met (morning day night)
    -Super active on all my social media, tags me in memes, made a post ABOUT me
    -Bakes me cookies and brings them to me at work (I work at the library)
    -Brings me coffee to work often
    -She snapchat me pictures of herself in the bathtub. I'm not joking.
    -Finds excuses to come see me (like asking me to photocopy stuff for her when she does that in her own building)
    -I was sorting articles in one of our study rooms one day and she stopped by so we were chatting just the two of us in this room, she wanted to change her shirt for an event and just took it off right there in front of me... literally just whipped it off. I was like "oh okay you're just gonna go for it" and she just started laughing

    HERE’S the thing - she’s presumably straight. Has never mentioned being interested in women.. every so often she’ll randomly tell me about a good looking guy she saw on her walk over, or say things like “I use to text that guy” "just saw this guy he was cute" blah blah

    I flirt back, and I know she knows. We get on these banters and poke fun @ each other, i'll tell her when she looks good which is basically always. She'll tell me that i'm cute, thoughtful and funny - AND told me that I made our week away so amazing.

    It’s entirely possible that she’s bi. It’s entirely possible that she’s just a confident friend and she's comfortable with me. It’s entirely possibly I’m reading too much into this. I honestly think that she just likes the attention and she knows she can get it from me, which is why I haven't tried to escalate it beyond what we currently are... friends... tell me if I’m wrong
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think you are reading things just fine. I know why you are cautious. Besides wondering if this was all a joke, where people usually go to college is not where they necessarily stay. Even if she is into you, and you are into her too, it is not like you two would go riding off into the sunset. Even if you could get together on a fling, it might end all the cozy, fun stuff you have going on right now.

    I get the vibe that she feels confident flirting with you because you are not going to jump on her and be aggressive and she trusts you. This is like a low-risk, feel good thing for her. She might also rests in the fact that she is straight and she is dropping hints that she is straight by mentioning guys; therefore, making this all more of a joke.

    The only thing that throws me a little bit is that baking. Does she do that for only you and no one else?

    So, let's say you are interested in going further because you do like her and want to date her. The next time she does something extra flirty, I would put out a feeler like, "Hey, would you ever date a woman?" And don't explain your question, just let her do the talking and watch her reaction. If she replies, "No," then there is no way I would interpret her actions as being into you.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 4, 2018
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  3. Halpme

    Halpme Member

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    Hey thanks for the reply greylin,
    I do like her, but i'm also thinking that maybe i'm feeding into the attention shes giving me as well - I mean, i'm not "head over heels", and if it turns out this is just a funny game for her I'm not heartbroken.

    The baking - I couldn't tell you if she does it for others. To give the story more context: we were texting, she was going to come visit me at work the next day and had a surprise for me Next day I show up @ work to a bag of cookies on my desk with a note that says "Hope you have a good day <3 insert name"

    Another red flag - We were talking about seeing a movie with our conference group and i told her the movie was going to be sad and probably make me cry and she said "aw okay ill have to hold your hand" and "will you make sure you sit beside me?". (PSA we went to the movie, there was no hand holding) but its these little comments that keep drawing me in when i KNOW the likelihood is that shes just having fun.

    I'll take your advice and ask.. see if it comes up organically in some way hah
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Ya, the no follow-through with the hand-holding is a good sign she thinks you are both just having a bit of fun. These things can be difficult, can they? Do you think at some point the flirting can get too much if it leads to no where?
     
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  5. Halpme

    Halpme Member

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    Yaaaa i knew it was all talk - Still a playful enough comment to get my mind going.

    She also told me confidently one day that she “never makes the first move” and of course what do I hear? “I want you to make the first move” it’s so difficult not to over analyze every little thing.

    It’s a little annoying that I know I’m being sucked in and i just keep going along with it haha. Everyone has a breaking point and I think if all this leads to nowhere either 1) she will get bored and then the funs over or 2) i’ll end up calling her out on it.. whatever comes first
     
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  6. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think sometimes, it is so hard to interpret anything from anyone. I have had my intentions misconstrued as flirting before. I have also done the same to others. I think I try to go by what is genuinely me and be aware of other people's feelings. I do my best anyway and let the chips fall where they may.

    I think if I were in a situation like that where she wanted to have her feelings of desirability confirmed, I would give her genuine compliments. Which I am sure you probably are already doing. And if I have grown to like her and figure she might be unavailable, I would compliment her with, "Man, that <flirt, selfie, funny thing she said> is amazing, if you weren't straight I would have asked you out already."
     
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  7. Halpme

    Halpme Member

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    You’re totally right, and I think that we share that same outlook.
    I definitely give her enough genuine positive affirmation... maybe too much, like my flirting is totally transparent, always has been.

    That’s actually a genius play (with the compliment) and I’m probably going to use that when it feels right
     
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  8. Halpme

    Halpme Member

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    Welp - last night we were texting into the wee hours of the night when she says she went on a date on Friday night with “some guy” (so there we have it). She said it wasn’t a good date and proceeded to tell me everything about it - starting talking about all her dating troubles and whatnot - how her experience dating men has been the worst.

    So I said as a joke “See going on dates with women is never this difficult. I’m so sorry you are straight” She replies “I hear the gay dating pool isn’t any better - either way I’m screwed”

    With that, I’m probably not going to pursue this as anymore than a friendship with her.. i’m sure the cutesy fun flirting things will continue until they don’t, but I’m not gonna mislabel what this is.

    Thanks Greylin for being my second opinion!
     
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  9. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Oh my goodness, that was well done! And what a good friend you are!

    Incidentally, if like her baking, tell her and you just might get a good supply of goodies for your last year there. ;) I sometimes like feeding people I’m a total sucker when people compliment the food.

    I am sorry she’s straight too. But you really did great.
     
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  10. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    *Taking notes .. baking and complimenting food* ....

    Looks like you found a good friend. Good luck.
     
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