Arranged Marriage

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Debbie375, Mar 7, 2018.

  1. Debbie375

    Debbie375 New Member

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    Hey,

    I need the strength to leave.....
    I met a woman on a dating site. She’s Asian and a Muslim. She had an arranged marriage about 6 years ago. She was honest with me and said she had two children and was separated from her husband. She says she’s never loved anyone like me. She said if she ever went back to him it would be for the sake of her children.

    We chatted a lot and got very close. We met up and things became physical. Then out of the blue she mentioned they had purchased a house together.

    I was devastated. Long story short she’s moving back in with him soon. She says she can’t lose me but can’t just be my friend either.

    I want to do the right thing and walk away. But I know she only loves him like a brother.
    I don’t think he is in love with her either and is acting on family instructions. He doesn’t seem to provide the emotional support she needs or loves her the way she deserves.
     
    #1
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    She's married. Although it's an unhappy marriage, the reasons why she is unhappy -- arranged, lack of love, lack of emotional support etc. -- are irrelevant. Anything you have or had should've ended -- or never began -- at the M word.

    Unless and until she has the conviction to leave him, you have to respect her marriage. She's made the choice to go back to him, and there's nothing you can do about it.

    Walk away.
     
    #2
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  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think you have to look at it like any marriage that has failed but the people in it stay because of a myriad of reasons. I have no judgement on whether people like that could or should involve others in their marriage. The only thing I place my concern is with you here. From what you said, I think you would never want to be part of this just because it won't make you happy.

    Please check out this forum, I have made reference to this quite a few times for people who asked questions about being gay and married or getting involved with a gay woman married to a man. If you look at the postings under girlfriends of married woman, I think it may help you think twice about getting involved. Don't get me wrong, it works for some people where it is okay for all parties. But for most of the time, it is hard enough for 2 people to get on, when you add other people to it, it is exponentially difficult even if you are oriented to be poly.

    https://askjoanne.forums.net/
     
    #3
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  4. Debbie375

    Debbie375 New Member

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    Thanks for the replies.

    She begged for a meet up and I was going to end it in person then she cancelled saying she’s going furniture shopping. I said I think it’s best if we end this and she agreed. I had to ask her if she’s trying with her marriage then she said yes.

    Said good luck etc. She asked could we be friends I said sure if you ever need me as a friend etc.

    She took that as she could still ring and text as usual. So I clarified that she should back off and give both of us space and concentrate on making her marriage work.

    Don’t know how I ended up in this situation but what I do know is it’s wrong to stay part of it.
     
    #4
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2018
    Maroon, Spygirl and greylin like this.

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