Angry, sad, confused

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by Elin, May 10, 2015.

  1. Elin

    Elin Member

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    I have this friend. We've known each other for like 7 years and we've always been very close. In fact, she's the best friend I've ever had. I'm 23, she's 24. 4 years ago she moved down the country to live with her boyfriend. A very long distance, so we would only see each other once a year or so.
    About 6 months ago she broke up with him and moved back to my town. She came to visit me at my place and I was so happy to see her. We sat in the sofa and talked about stuff and everything. We moved very close to each other, and I just got this strong feeling and will to kiss her. I didn't though, cuz I didn't know how she would react. She stayed til' late night, then she walked home.Nothing happened. Next day she sent me a message, asking me if I had experienced "some sort of attraction between us", cuz she had. I kinda freaked out a bit, but admitted I had. Anyway, I felt confused, not knowing what to really do.
    A few days later we met at her place. I asked her if she felt attracted to me, she said yes. I felt awkward, and said like, yeah, I could kiss you, but nothing more. I saw her blush, and she became a little sad. I said it was ok. AND then i kissed her. We went to her bed, she layed on top of me, kissing me and rubbing on my leg. It felt so good, she really made me wild.
    It happened several times, we would just lay in bed, holding and kissing, taking things further. Yes, we had sex.

    So here's the thing. She's always been a very flirty person, hitting on guys for fun, and she's been sleeping with lots of men. It makes me kinda sad and worried she might get in trouble. Now she dates this guy we both met at a party a month ago. He had just broke up with his long-time girlfriend and he was like "I need to be alone for a while, I need to heal." Yep. But she fell for him immediately and he seems to feel the same for her.
    Last night she had this birthday party. I went there, gave her roses and a card. She kissed me and hugged me tight. Then he showed up. As soon as I saw him I felt angry. When they touched, kissed, held hands, when he held her, I just couldn't stand it. I was so angry I couldn't help but shake. I wished he would say something rude to me, giving me a reason to punch him in the face. I went home kinda early that night. Couldn't sleep very well, all these pictures in my head, all I could see was he holding her, dancing, flirting. It makes me so sad, and I can't help but cry.
    I don't know what to do right now. I don't know what I feel for her. This sex with her has changed something inside me. A week ago she stayed with me over the night, I held her in my arms and I never wanted her to leave. What the hell should I do?
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    You should stop having sex with her.

    Some people can have casual sex without having feelings for the other person. Some people can't.

    You always liked your friend. You slept with her and fell for her.

    But she doesn't feel the same about you. I'm sorry to say it, but she is really into this guy atm.

    She likes sleeping with you, she likes being your friend. Again, I'm sorry to say it, but if she was really into you she wouldn't do a bunch of stuff with guy in front of you.

    So you guys are on different pages. She enjoys casual with you. You want more with her.

    The only thing you can do is protect yourself. Quit sleeping with her. Give yourself some distance- try to avoid her for a bit. Stay busy. And hit the dating scene.

    Your feelings for her will fade eventually and it won't hurt anymore.
     
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  3. Elin

    Elin Member

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    I appreciate another perspective on this thing. It's just so hard, cuz I want her so bad. When we touch my knees get weak, I lose control. She's so beatiful. I want her all by myself, but it's not possible. I didn't expected these strong feelings when I saw her with this guy, but yeah it made me pissed.
     
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  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like your friend isn't really thinking about your feelings. The fact that on seeing her with her new fella has hurt you and you've shown signs of jealousy. You have feelings for this girl but she's acting as if what you and she have done was fun but she's moved on to the new guy. The question I have is: did you and your friend ever talk about what was going on between you? Or was just hooking up with talking about it? As long as this guy is around, for your own sanity I'd suggest staying out of the way.
     
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  5. Elin

    Elin Member

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    I don't think she knows how much this means to me. Last time we hooked up, she had just been at this guy's place til' late night. She doesn't take things too seriously, and I had no more thoughts about this thing going on between us, than I truly enjoy it and I love when she gets turned on by what I'm doing with her.
    I don't want to see them together again, I just can't stand it.
     
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  6. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    If she is sleeping with a bunch of guys and this guy, you should get checked for stds.

    Unfortunately you are going to have to see them together again. This is just a casual thing for her. You didn't mean to fall for her, but you did. It's going to hurt for awhile, but it will fade.
     
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  7. Elin

    Elin Member

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    Yes, I will do that.

    No, I refuse to see him. Honestly. Have this feeling telling me that this relationship isn't gonna be a long-lifed thing. She's just afraid of being alone, want somebody by her side all the time. None of my business really, but I love her and she's a good friend (sometimes). I just want her to fix her life, get a job, deal with her issues and learn how to live with her past.
     
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  8. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Is that all?

    She's not likely to change. If you wait for her to change, you'll be disappointed.
     
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  9. Elin

    Elin Member

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    I guess so. I'll try to keep some distance for a while.. see what happens.
     
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