Am I young to date?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by QueenQueer, Aug 12, 2014.

  1. QueenQueer

    QueenQueer Member

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    I'm 15 years old and I live in a smallish town in Connecticut, and I want to start dating. I'm going into my sophomore year in high school this fall, and I've been out since the fall of last year. My parents say that dating in high school is too young, and I should wait until college like they did but they are ok with me being a lesbian. I'm not planning on getting married or something like that, and I will wait to have sex until 16, the legal age of consent, if not longer. I think that 15 is old enough to start dating. My best friend, a gay guy, has been in a committed monogamous relationship with his boyfriend for about 5 months. My straight friend dated a guy for a year, and ½ of it was long distance when she moved away. My (sorta kinda) ex-girlfriend dated another girl for about 4 months. Most of my friends have been in relationships, so I think it's typical to start dating around this age despite what my parents say. I don't feel any peer pressure to date, and I think I could be a really good and committed girlfriend.

    I guess I should explain why I have an ex-girlfriend yet haven't been in a committed relationship yet. So here's what has happened to me in the past year: First I liked a straight girl over the summer which led to nothing. She stopped being friends with me when she found out and she isn't accepting of lesbians, especially ones that like her. When the school year started I got to be closer friends with this girl in my science class, who turned out to be a lesbian. She was in a relationship and we were just friends, but I started to like her. By the time they broke up, I really liked her. She seemed to like me back so after a while I asked her out but she said no because she had just gotten out of a relationship with another girl who had left her to pursue a guy who didn't even like her. We stayed friends, and I tried to get over her, but every time I was close to finally accepting it would never happen, she would start flirting again. A few months later, I asked her out again after I was sure she was flirting and everyone agreed and said she was flirting and I wasn't making it up. She said yes! Then, the next day, she broke up with me. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship. The following day she started dating her ex-girlfriend who had asked her. We continued being friends because I couldn't bear not talking to her. I liked a girl, not as much as I liked the first girl, but this one seemed to like me back. She kept flirting and trying to make out with me. She asked me out and I said yes, but I had reservations. I wasn't really sure. The next day she broke up with me and said she wasn't ready for a relationship. A few minute later, she tried to make our with me. She only wanted me as a make out buddy I think. She kept trying, but I felt uncomfortable with it. I wanted a girlfriend who I could hang out with and text and not just kiss. I felt bad because she had depression and Aspergers but she said she didn't want a relationship and that's what I wanted so I stayed firm. The girl who I had liked first was having relationship troubles. Her ex-girlfriend cheated on her with another girl and they broke up. I stayed just friends with her and we were really close but I didn't think she liked me because of the rejections and so I didn't even try anything. I wanted to like someone else, so I started flirting with a bi sophomore and she seemed to like me, but she was boring and I didn't like her so I stopped even though she seemed interested so I wouldn't lead her on. I continued to like the first girl and we got closer. One day my friends and I were all playing truth or dare and one of them dared me to kiss her. She said she wouldn't mind and hinted that she wanted to, but I freaked out and said no because I hadn't ever kissed anyone before. Ever. I didn't want my first kiss to be in front of my friends on a dare with someone who clearly didn't like me . After I said no, they said because I didn't do the dare I had to answer a question. They asked who I liked, and I told them that is was that girl. (I did like her even though she was just using me when she wanted to. I let her use me.) Later that night, we were in different areas of the park than our friends. I had my arm around her and we were kinda snuggled up but I didn't think much of it because I wasn't sure what was normal friends and what wasn't anymore. With us it had always been a bit confused. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. Then all of a sudden we were making out and I had no idea what I was doing because I had never kissed anyone but it wasn't platonic. I asked her if we were still friends, because honestly I didn't know, and she said we had become a little more than that. After that we walked one of my friends home, and kissed goodbye. I was super happy because I thought we could have a relationship even though it hadn't happened in the past. I still kinda knew she wasn't right for me and that it wouldn't end well, but I ignored it. I was elated. The next day I went to a pride parade with my best friend, the gay guy. I texted her but we didn't talk much. The next day she came over to my house to work on a science project, and we kissed again. I still didn't know what I was doing at all, so I let her be top and tried to figure it out on the fly. I asked her if we were dating again just to make sure, and she said yes. That week at school she was distant and would grab other people to be partners with instead of me and things. I asked her if she wasn't sure about us, but she said she was just dealing with personal stuff. Her friends told me that she had said she wasn't planning on breaking up with me, but something wasn't right. I didn't feel like we were a couple, or even friends. By the end of the week I figured she was going to break up and one of her friends confirmed. It was all rumor though so I decided to try one last time. I sent her a message saying that I really liked her and I wasn't sure what had been happening the last week but I was willing to try and restart. The next day she broke up with me and said that she actually realized that she never liked me that way and was really sorry. I kinda knew it deep inside but it still hurt like crazy. We didn't really talk for a while and deleted each other's numbers. We went back to being friends, but she didn't invite me to a pool party she had and even though she texted me bye when she went to camp I knew we wouldn't be the same. I didn't write her any letters because I'm trying to get over her. She was a good friend to me, but not good romantically. I can't be a good friend to her until I don't like her that way. I can't deal with the emotional roller-coaster anymore. If we went back to being friends I would fall for her again. I'm trying to get to the point where I wouldn't say yes if she asked me out. Then we can be friends. Maybe. I can't keep doing this because it hurts too much and she doesn't even care. I keep doing it even though I shouldn't because I really like her, and I keep deluding myself to think she likes me back. Another girl who is a year younger than me asked me out, but she has honestly been with half the town and her track record hasn't been good relationship wise. I said no. There are other lesbians and bi and pan girls in our town, but I don't like-like any and they don't like-like me now either.

    Anyway, that's just saying I haven't had a real relationship as of now. I'm not sure if all that proves I'm not ready to date because it seems to reflect badly on my choices but I really think I can do it. I want to convince my parents that I should be allowed to date before I get a girlfriend and I can't mention my past failed "relationships". I do all my chores, get As and Bs in school, take Honors and Advanced Placement classes, feed my cat, and keep my room super tidy. I pay for all my movie tickets, mall trips, ice cream and all that stuff all by myself with the money I get for walking my aunt's dog every day. I go places without them, and I'm pretty independent. I don't know how to ask them if I can be allowed to date because they always have just rejected me saying teenage dating leads to trouble and I don't need to. I think that I should be allowed to date and figure out how to as I go. Right now it's all future because I don't like anybody. I live in a small town so there aren't many options. I want to meet someone and know what to do when I actually meet them. I guess I have two questions. 1: How can I get a girlfriend and actually keep a relationship? 2: How can I convince my patents I'm old enough to have a girlfriend? I don't expect things to last forever, just a few months to a year I guess. I figure I'll learn from them and if it makes me happy then why not!

    What age is it ok to start dating? Am I right, or my parents? :?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Wow, I can't figure out how to answer to the right and wrong part. I just think that your parents are progressive enough to accept and support your sexuality then you would need to figure out how they can support you in your search for a soulmate. That is really what you want, ultimately, isn't it?

    When you were like 5, and you want to pick up a butcher knife, you parents would tell you simply no, you can't touch it. There is a black and white, oh my god, you would be terrible parents or letting a small kid handle a knife. They don't want to be terrible parents and let you go through all the trouble they had seen in high school dating. So they go with the black and white approach, which is forbiddance. You are going the black and white approach, which is, let me let me, let me, I'll be good so let me.

    What you are dealing with in your feelings for others, in your attempts to find intimacy is that I hope you will find out that this is a journey to find that person, to love and be loved, to share those moments you will never forget and hopefully your journey in finding this person would be short and your time with the person found would be happy and long. Maybe the way to approach your parents would be that, it is not so much you need permission, you just don't want forbiddance. You want to be able to talk to them about the people you like without the fear that they would be horrible parents if you explore that relationship with them. You need support and not stumbling blindly about and not be able to talk to them. You need to feel more than just friendship. Try talking to them and really listen to their fears, ask them to give you examples of why they fear so much. If they feel that you are listening, they are easier to negotiate with. One of their questions for you would be, "what's your hurry?" When I see what you went through with those girls, I can feel for your parents as to what they really don't want you to have to go through. I would not agree that you should let people treat you that way, but young people go through things like that in high school a lot because everybody is just searching and at that age in more impulsive ways.

    I don't know how to meet people in a small town when you are underage. Just watch out for online people and keep up the good work at school. That is one thing you would never regret.
     
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