Am I doing something wrong here??

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by leavthesumm, Oct 13, 2019.

  1. leavthesumm

    leavthesumm Member

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    Last edited: Feb 15, 2020
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I don’t think she likes herself enough to have anyone else like her. I would not get drawn into her games but would just let her know that it is not nice to cancel on someone pretending to be sick. If she did not want to go out then it is fine. It does not matter how good things could feel it is still poison.

    She is not even being a polite friend.
     
    #2
  3. leavthesumm

    leavthesumm Member

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    Well this does not lie in the fact that I am making an excuse, but she does have BPD and at this point Im not sure whether to blame myself or her. She warned me of mood swings and all the other things that usually come with BPD, but we seemed to be working with it and not against it. I really want to reach out to her, but feel like it will be me grasping at straws right now. She has A LOT going on and she did mention I'd be nice to have a companion along side whilst she dealt with such obstacles, and truly enjoyed my company. I dont know how to take her insecurites....I want to take them personal but have been told not to. Im sure dating someone with such diagnosis does call for turbulent waters down the line, but she seems real in her approach to us. I dont want to be manipulated, but I like her....and Im pretty sure she likes me. I am going to continue to hold my ground and not contact her. I dont appreciate being ignored but dont actually know what is going on....if shes having a bad time or what. She did mention to me that she was looking forward to seeing her friends because she had been feeling unstable. Which is another reason why I try to be understanding of her needing time with people who have known her her whole life. I think I am going to give it a week and then just move on from there. I am not one to beg and do not want to lose myself in this if she is not mentally strong enough to be with someone at the moment. I am of good character and almost all I do, I do with a certain level of genuinity.....I hate when people attempt to take advantage of this as if it were some sort of weakness. I think my exterior does not match my interior at all.....but ive learned to work with my resting bitch face-whiskey drinking-full body of tattoos-self. This seems to keep the girls that are full of shit away, but occasionally I allow some female in that I think is expecting one thing and gets another with me. I suppose I thought I had found an individual with a similar soul to mine....which is why this hurts. Its been a while since I've had dates turn into relationships. So when this happens, its hard for me not to blame myself.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    There are plenty of people who will not judge you by your exterior. They may on your behavior if you drink heavily. You want to be patient with her then ok. You don’t owe her anything and please don’t feel guilty for just being yourself. Don’t let her set the rules no matter what her struggles are. We all have struggles. It does not give her license to lie and blow you off whenever. If you want to be good to someone, you need to know to be good to yourself and treat yourself right.
     
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