Am I being unreasonable??? - Unofficial GF's sister with Bipolar disorder

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by thisissue, Mar 28, 2015.

  1. thisissue

    thisissue New Member

    May 16, 2013
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    Hi, I last posted about my "unofficial" girlfriend who goes to college in So Cal...Sooo...I was thinking about the good things about our relationship and then the bad things...

    One thing that she brings up is her sister crashing at my place when she needs it. She really wants us to be besties or something. But, we don't really click like that...and the sister is unemployed...and is bipolar to boot...and chooses sometimes to not take her meds. Her mania took over a couple of days last year, and she trashed the apartment she shared with her sister. She totally destroyed my paintings I made for my "unofficial" girlfriend, and the sister doesn't "remember" doing anything. She states she was in her "mania".

    The sister currently lives with her family...but they are moving soon, and she is welcome in the new house...but the sister refuses to live with them anymore. The family doesn't really have a great relationship with each other. The sister is asking about places to stay. Then my unofficial GF says, that I can let her stay for a couple of days. For realsies? I gave a face, like , "what"??? I have the worst poker face.

    I really don't want her to come stay. If she had an exit plan in her family's place, she would have found a place herself. I'm afraid that I have to babysit this 25 year old, so she doesn't trash my place...or steal from me...something she has done in her family's house. Even if I was really, really with this unofficial girlfriend, or even married to this girl, I don't want her sister to live with me. If my own friend needed a place to stay...I would totally open up my home (which really is just a rental...not my own house). But, her sister...I'll just freak out. I kinda feel guilty about my thoughts of this. Her sister even had a job offer, and she turned it down because she says she'll get bored (!!!!). I can see myself becoming resentful...especially coming home from a long shift at the hospital, and she's still unemployed, and has all this time to go to the gym...

    I feel for my unofficial gf...I wouldn't want my mentally ill sister to become homeless...but it unreasonable to not want your gf's bipolar and unemployed sister to live with you...even temporarily?
    I know she is not my responsibility...but even if I was officially with my gf, I still don't think it's my responsibility.

    I don't know why I am posting seems like I know the answer already...just wanted to write it out and make myself read it...And it shouldn't be an issue since my gf and I are "unofficial". I think even if we're were official...the answer will be the same. It's just hard to cut all ties...dangit!
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    You are not being unreasonable. You have to take care of yourself first. It's not taking care of yourself if your stuff is getting trashed and you are living on the rollar coaster of unmedicated mania.

    I'm guessing that there is more to the story than 'sister and parents don't get along.' I'm guessing that the parents try to enforce some rules - take your meds, get a job / go to school, no stealing.

    I'm guessing sister wants to move out to not have an accountability. In that case you would just be enabling her - she's just going to get worse that way.

    Stick to your guns and say no. Sis isn't going to wind up homeless. But she may actually have to make changes (follow rules, take her meds, etc...)
    greylin likes this.
  3. aussie_gabby

    aussie_gabby Well-Known Member

    Dec 10, 2014
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    Of course it's not unreasonable! It's completely unfair that your gf just offered your place. (Official or unofficial not cool).

    Even without the bipolar, I wouldn't be ok with a gf offering up my place to stay to anyone without asking me. And this sister doesn't sound like she'll be there for just a couple of days. I bet it will be weeks. She has a family. It doesn't seem like they're just dumping her on the side of the road. I agree with Bluenote, sounds like she doesn't want to be there because she doesn't want to follow the rules.

    It that was me, I'd be having some strong words with that girlfriend.

    Also, I bet If she has nowhere to go, she'll have to abide by her parents rules.
    greylin and Bluenote like this.
  4. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

    Jul 26, 2013
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    Since she's your unofficial girlfriend then don't worry about standing up to her. Remind her what her sister did in the past and tell her the sister cannot come stay with you. Just say no.
    greylin likes this.

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