Am I a hopeless case?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Who am I?, Dec 27, 2015.

  1. Who am I?

    Who am I? New Member

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    Hi.
    I hope I am right here, at least my hangover self is telling me that I am.
    Well I will come straight to the point: I am quite a coward when it comes to a closer relationship to others. I don't have a proble to start talking with people but the problem is to build up a real relationship (friendship and love). I mean I am 23 and I still don't have a clue want I really want, I eave can't really tell if I am attracted more in men or women. Well I think my tendencies are more torwards women but I can't say it with a 100%.
    I also don't really have a clue with whom I could talk about all that stuff or what to do in general, as I already said I am coward. To make the matter worse I come from a rather homophobic sorounding and although I am studying in a bit more open town I am to afraid to go to a scene club/bar/pub.
    I was once In a lesbian club during a stay in London but I couldn't really talk to someone or go a second time there.
    Does someone have any advice? Or is here someone from London (I will be there in a few days for a week or so) who can help? I guess I am a hopless case.
    PS. Please excuse my bad English but it is not my first language and I am still a bit drunk.
     
    #1
  2. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    No, you are not hopeless. Many women have a tough time determining their true sexuality orientation well into their 20s and sometimes older. It's common to wonder when you come from a family and society that presses the idea that straight is normal and gay is not. I struggled for a long time but in the end I realized I truly only had crushes on other women and although I dated guys it was only because they asked me out and not because I was really interested in them. When I kissed a woman for the first time that was my answer. Since I had kissed men in the past I knew the difference. I never got turned on by a man, but the first woman lit up the fireworks.

    In order to become comfortable in a gay bar you have to go more than once. Even if you go several times and never talk to anyone, you eventually become more comfortable with your surroundings and things will change. Other women will begin to notice you because you have been there before. Don't give up.
     
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    rainydaze likes this.
  3. Who am I?

    Who am I? New Member

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    Thanks for your message it really cheered me up and gave me some hope. :) Do you also have an advice for me how to meet girls as at home there aren't some places for and the city I study hasn't a real offer either:( Unfortunaely I will be in London only for a few weeks befor I have to return to my "lovely" hometown.

    Thanks again
    Happy New Year ;)
     
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  4. Lauren_1989

    Lauren_1989 Active Member

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    My advice to you about meeting women would be this; don't go in there with any expectations. if I were you I'd go in to it with the goal of becoming more comfortable in your own skin and more comfortable around other people. You're not a coward, believe me. We've all been there, scared and confused and wondering what to do next. What you're feeling is perfectly normal, you're only young, just take your time. As the last poster said, over time you will become more confident, more sure of yourself and what you want.

    I think that maybe finding a site online that you feel comfortable with would be a good way of talking to women without the added pressure of talking face to face? Especially if you don't come from a very pro-gay area. It's all about preference though.
     
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