All in my head only?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by *AJ*, Nov 29, 2014.

  1. *AJ*

    *AJ* Member

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    Hi guys,

    I have recently developed a huge crush on a trainer at my gym. She is breathtakingly, heart-thumpingly, gobsmackingly beautiful.

    While I have seen her at the gym for a few months now, it is only really in the last few weeks that I have properly fallen for her. I'm not quite sure why it didn't happen earlier - I definitely did notice her before and felt somehow that she noticed me in some way too - but it's like some kind of a switch just clicked in the last few weeks and now she is literally all I can think about.

    This may all seem pretty ridiculous as I have never even talked to her. And I am well aware that any signs I think I'm picking up on, are in all likelihood, simply a product of my desire for a reciprocation of my feelings. But I don't know guys... I just feel like there is this strong energy between us... like we are both so aware of each other's presence.

    Unfortunately, I really don't have much to go on. However, there are a few small things that have made me wonder if there could possibly be something there... or if I am simply incorrectly processing everything through my heart-shaped, dopamine/adrenaline-soaked brain. I would really appreciate your views/advice...

    Firstly, there are the slightly-longer-than-normal moments of eye contact between us. For example, last week, I was running on a treadmill and noticed her walk past. I was kind of in the far corner and I saw her glance across all the treadmills and then her eyes reached me - I looked at her and assumed she would just look away and resume looking straight ahead in the direction she was walking... but we sort of locked eyes and she just kept looking for what seemed to be an extended amount of time... it was probably only a couple of seconds... but it definitely felt longer than your standard glance. Anyway, a little later, I got off the treadmill and went to use some of the equipment... I noticed that she had also moved (from where she had been training a client). Then after a few minutes she walked right by me as she made her way back towards her client - but in doing so, she took the longer route - I know that could be nothing, but I couldn't help wondering why she went the long way round to get back to where she was. And again just the other day, I was on yet another treadmill and she was at the opposite end of the gym training a client - it seemed as though she just kept looking over in between talking to her client and we had some quite extended stares! I don't know if the fact that we were much further away from each other made it easier to look at each other for longer - or whether once again, this is all just in my head.

    Then there's the fact that she seems to be a little conscious of herself in front of me, as well as conscious of my presence. I have to admit to sometimes choosing which equipment to use based on where I may catch a better glimpse of her! A few times when this happens, I see her turn her head over her shoulder as if to see if I'm still there or looking at her... and when she sees that I am, she sometimes seems to become a little conscious of herself and does things like touch her hair. And then there are times when we are almost at opposite corners of the gym - and even though she is busy working, I see her occasionally turn around... and it is as if she looks exactly in my direction very quickly and then turns back to where she was facing.

    Most recently, I walked into the gym a little later than I usually go and saw a couple of people (guy and girl) I know so walked up to them to say hi. I realised that she (the object of my affection) was right by them and when she saw me walk towards her direction, I could have sworn I saw her do a double take - as if she was taken by surprise to see me. And then she seemed to be looking over quite a bit while I was talking to the girl - pretty, but whom I'm not interested in at all and the feeling is mutual! She walked by me a couple of times and then at one point, while I was still in conversation with the other girl, we had yet another extended moment of eye contact - but this time we were a lot nearer one another!

    Similarly, on another occasion, I was talking to another woman who I know from the gym - again, a totally platonic thing. She seemed to look over a few times while we talked and then when we finished our conversation and the other woman walked off, she definitely had a bit of a look at her... almost as if she was assessing her!

    Oh and one more thing that could also be nothing... she was standing chatting to a colleague the other day while I worked out... again, there were some glances... but it also felt as though the colleague was looking in my direction while talking to her... could all just be in my head, or she could have been telling her colleague: "There's that person who won't stop looking at me... I wish she would stop... as if I would go there!" I really hope that's not what it was! - She certainly is making me work out harder and for longer... I've never been this interested in going to the gym!

    Anyway guys, that's literally all I have in terms of interaction. Nothing really, I know. It could all be so innocent and I could just be seeing what I want to see - but I would really appreciate any input/opinions/advice you may have.

    Some other things I should maybe mention... I found her Facebook page (I'm not really a stalker, I promise!). She has some things that can be seen publicly. Apart from some photos of her beautiful self, there are also some quotes or musical references that she has made... but quite a few of them relate to 'men and women' - e.g. about how a man should treat a woman or a song about a man and woman being intimate with each other. I kind of assumed from the beginning that she is straight... and seeing this stuff on her page has sort of reinforced that idea... but I can't help how I feel and I can't help thinking that I might be seeing something from her. Also, she seems to refer to heartbreak in quite a few of these posts - I know that's not really relevant - but thought I would mention it... maybe she's been through a tough break-up recently, I don't know.

    Anyway, all I can tell you is that I have not felt this crazy about someone in a very long time. The last time I ever had such intense overwhelming feelings was in high school! I have fallen for people since... but the intensity of this has really taken me by surprise. I have lost interest in food... I have had crazy insomnia... I'm finding it hard to concentrate when other people are talking to me... I'm finding everything boring apart from when I'm in her presence... I'm not even giving a second glance to other women that I might normally find attractive... I'm constantly thinking of what she is doing and who she's with... I just can't get her out of my head. I literally feel like my heart is beating five paces faster and I constantly have knots in my tummy. It feels euphoric and yet painful at the same time!

    The thing is... I don't know what to do. We don't have any friends or acquaintances in common. I am by nature not a very forward person... in all my past relationships/experiences, I have very gently flirted but waited to get a clear 'go' signal until I have really made any substantial move. I can't help but feel conscious that she has seen me looking at her and rather than reciprocating my feelings, maybe she is disgusted and wishing I wouldn't look at her. What's more, I am not fully out to everyone (it's complicated - isn't it always?) and as I have family and friends who attend the same gym, I have to be a little careful about things. So I just don't know what to do. For now, I just keep turning up to the gym hoping to catch a glance or two of her (and I am gutted whenever she is not there). But increasingly, I come away feeling frustrated that it is nothing more... and that she may soon leave to work somewhere else and I would never have even gotten to know her. I know it must sound crazy and I must come across like some besotted fool, but I literally feel so drawn to her and feel a constant ache, worrying that it may never be more than this... just some glances in the gym.

    Sorry guys... this really did turn into a much, much longer post than I had intended. Apologies for the waffle and thank you for having the patience to read this far if you have done so! Any comments and advice would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Go talk to her.

    Don't think of it like trying to pick her up, just think of it as gathering information.

    Right now you have a crush based on physical appearance. You know nothing of her personality, intelligence, etc...

    So go, say 'hi,' make a little small talk.

    It's not going to magically solve everything. But at least you can start to answer 'is she kind, as well as pretty?'
     
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  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    She is looking back at you in assessment, especially when you had people around you talking to you. She probably was gauging whether you are a normal, socialized individual who happens to stare at her a bit more than usual, or you are a friendless loner with nothing else going on. So, she probably thinks you like looking at her but at least you are looking at her face and you have friends. While it is prudent to not assume interest, don't assume anything negative either. Why put some imaginary, negative thoughts about yourself on a stranger?

    You are right, there is very little to go on. But it doesn't hurt to chat her up on gym stuff. Like, oh my, I have been working on my arms (or any part of the body that does not seem untoward to talk about) forever, and I can't get them like yours. It doesn't sound like there's anything there but it is good practice talking to women who have that effect on you. I personally would feel great approaching someone like that and saying something normal before she goes off to some other gym. Then, she will be out of sight, out of mind.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    LOL, I swear, when I finished, I found your post above mine. Good to see that you think approaching her's a good idea as well.
     
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  5. Narley

    Narley Well-Known Member

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    As Bluenote and greylin said, I think the only way this crush will be resolved is if you allowed this whole situation to get out of your head and actually approach her.

    Not in 'will you go out with me?' Kind of way but just allowing yourself to open a normal conversation with this girl.

    It's hard to really get a clear grasp on the actual situation but if you think of it from HER perspective. And I know from working in a similar environment. I always felt that when someone made eye contact with me at my job I wouldn't automatically think... "Oh they must like me" rather I would think "they must need something or could be interested in my services"
    This May or may not be the case in your situation, but it is a thought ;)
    On the bright side that would make it easier to approach her with a view to getting to know her personality.
    I agree with Bluenote, what you have right now is an intense physical attraction. Without knowing anything about her or her "situations" aka is her gay? is she single?... Does her personality even appeal to you?
    A simple "hi I'm ...., I've noticed you train with clients here quite a lot and I've always wondered what it's like to be a trainer. Is it all it's cracked up to be? ......
    That would at least get some sort of interaction going...

    Whatever you decide, Good luck!
     
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  6. invincible

    invincible Well-Known Member

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    Ooo an "intense eye contact" post. =D

    I agree with all the people who replied, the easiest thing would be to approach and talk to her.
     
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  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Physical attraction is great but you need to make verbal contact before your mind runs away with you. Have a chat make sure she's not some sort of weirdo who spends her days out of the gym tripping up old ladies for sport. Let her know you're not a crazy person who can run on a treadmill and stare :)
     
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  8. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Also, assess level of pupil dialation.
     
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  9. crazy-one

    crazy-one Member

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    I agree with other. Find a way to talk to her friendly like you are asking for advice about training or something. And don't wait too much, do it as soon as you can because if you wait situation could become awkward even if she is interested in you. Don't think too much without action. It is not healthy.
     
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  10. *AJ*

    *AJ* Member

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    Hi guys,

    Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me - I really, truly appreciate it. It is really, really helpful and eye-opening to read your points of view and advice.

    I know that you are all right - without talking to her, it really is hard/impossible to make any genuine assessment of anything. The problem for me is just trying to find a way to talk to her. Firstly, she is never really on her own in the gym - she is either with a client during a session or otherwise with a colleague/colleagues. Secondly, I guess I'm not the most confident person in that way, and I know this is definitely something that I need to work on. As you have all correctly pointed out, going up to talk to her doesn't imply I'm hitting on her - it can just be normal, everyday conversation. But I worry that even that could come across like I'm coming on to her - because it would be like I'm singling her out (there are quite a few trainers in the gym) and I would have to purposefully walk right up to her and start a random conversation. And because there have been these looks between us, I almost feel like it will be so obvious to her what is going on if I go up to her - and I'm just really worried that I could make her feel uncomfortable, because in all likelihood she's not interested in me.

    Greylin - you are totally right when you say that it doesn't seem as though there is anything there... probably just all false hope and seeing what I want to see rather than looking at it objectively. Your perspective on the looks from her while I have been talking to other people is really eye opening - in all likelihood, she is just working out whether or not I am some weird loner or am actually normal and have friends. It's just that some of the looks between us have been quite intense... and then when I see her sort of scan the gym sometimes and then react consciously or stare when she sees me... these moments have made me question whether there could possibly be anything there from her end - but then again, it may just be that she is conscious that I could be looking at her and doesn't like it.

    Bluenote and Nancy - it's true that at the moment this is just a physical thing. I have very little information on her personality, apart from what I can gauge from seeing her brief interactions with others and from things she says on her Facebook profile. Although my attraction is probably clouding my view of things, there is a gentleness and kindness about her that I feel I have been able to observe/pick up on. I'm someone who is really turned off by arrogance... and I think her down-to-earth demeanour is fuelling my attraction to her. I recognise however that I am making this judgement based on very little information and the only way to truly understand what she is really like would be to somehow talk to her. PS Bluenote - if I get close enough to her, I will definitely try to check for pupil dilation! And Nancy - when you say "Let her know you're not a crazy person who can run on a treadmill and stare" - that really made me think too. I truly hope I don't come across as some sort of weirdo. I do try not to simply stare the whole time - just to look over often enough that I catch glimpses and don't miss potential moments of eye contact. Maybe I should tone it down a little though.

    Narley - it's interesting to hear that you worked in a similar situation to her and to get your perspective on it. You're absolutely right that I need to get out of my head and actually have some proper interaction with her to be able to resolve this crazy crush one way or another. It really is consuming me and I almost wish that I would find something out about her that would put me off so that I wouldn't be feeling so crazy!

    invincible and crazy-one - again, it makes complete sense when you guys say the best thing is to approach her and to not over-think, it does drive me mad and I know it's not healthy for it to just continue this way - doing my head in.

    So... in conclusion guys... I will continue to mull over everything you have said and just hope that I can come up with some way of talking to her. As I said earlier though, I just don't yet see when I will have an opportunity to do so - I know that just makes me sound really gutless but I am just so wary to not create an uncomfortable situation... I've been kind of hoping an opportunity would present itself somehow that would make it natural for me to just talk to her - I don't know... maybe finding her alone for once and within talking distance of me. But I realise you will probably tell me that I can't wait for something like that and that I have to take action. Sorry, it must be so frustrating to give me advice when I am so gutless about it! Oh well, thanks again... I will continue to hit the gym and work on this... and of course will keep you posted of any developments.

    Thanks so, so much.
     
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  11. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    AJ, do you listen to music while you work out? That could put you in a better frame of mind to talk to her? Or if she is with a bunch of trainers, make contact with the group anyway, ask about schedules, how to get started if you wanted some training, etc. Good luck. :)
     
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  12. Narley

    Narley Well-Known Member

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    Yeah what greylin said... Or take it in steps, start by just talking to her colleagues, get to know them.. Make friends ect. It's more than socially acceptable and could provide a more natural meeting with your crush.
     
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  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Next time you see her just say "Hi" as you walk by. Even if she's in a group, just a general polite "hi" as you go about your workout. I should also point out that I didn't mean to say that you stare a lot I was merely pointing out that at the moment all gym girl knows of you is that you go to her gym and you make eye contact. I didn't mean to say that you're a scary starer. I also agree with Greylin, why not ask for some "tips" or some help.
     
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  14. *AJ*

    *AJ* Member

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    Thanks so much guys - great advice from all of you once again.

    Greylin - I do listen to music while I work out and I think you are totally right - it definitely helps to pump me up and could give me the confidence boost I need to say hi. As I type, I'm updating my iPod and making some playlists that will hopefully help to get me in the right frame of mind as you say.

    Narley - That's a great idea too. I will try to take the opportunity to chat to any of her colleagues if it comes up - this way, as you said, it could make it easier to say hi to her in future. It's a shame actually, I used to say hi to quite a few of the trainers, but they recently completely overhauled the team and it's a whole new bunch. But I will do my best to get chatting somehow.

    Nancy - Again, a really nice idea. In fact, I have been thinking about just saying "hi" since now we have seen each other around quite a bit so it shouldn't be weird, just friendly. I actually kind of tried to do that a couple of weeks ago as we walked past each other briefly at one point - we had been looking at each other as we walked towards each other but then she looked away as I got nearer. So I'll have to hope a similar situation comes up again where she doesn't look away and I can at least get a "hi" in. And thanks for not thinking I'm a scary starer :) - I was sure you weren't suggesting that, just made me realise I have to be careful for her to not get that opinion.

    Ok guys, going to go finish with my iPod, get ready and then go to they gym! Here's hoping she's there and I somehow get an opportunity to say something to her... or at least smile at her for a start!

    Thanks so much all.
     
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  15. Narley

    Narley Well-Known Member

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    Goodluck AJ!! I think it's safe to say we'll all be waiting for your updates with great anticipation!
     
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  16. *AJ*

    *AJ* Member

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    Thanks Narley, that's really sweet! Although I'm afraid of disappointing you guys with boring updates or nothing of substance to report.

    After gearing myself up yesterday, I went for a quick workout as had to meet friends afterwards. She was there when I walked in talking to a client and I think my heart skipped a beat... was nice just to see her face after not seeing her since last Wednesday. She was engrossed in chatting to her client so I went to have a quick run. However, one of girls I know (I mentioned chatting to her last week) came up to talk to me and pretty much did so for about 25 mins! The trainer was going around the gym with her client and I know she saw me but there was not even any eye contact yesterday... I guess I didn't want to be rude to the girl who was talking to me and keep looking away during our conversation... and the gym was quite packed out which didn't help visibility wise! And then she left more or less after her client left... I've noticed she doesn't really stick around unless she is with a client or there are colleagues around for her to talk to. Makes things a little tricky, because as much as I would like to follow her out of the gym, I obviously can't!

    So I left feeling quite disappointed yesterday after feeling determined to at least try to smile at her... especially after all the quite intense eye contact last week. The only small thing I did notice... but this could REALLY just be me reading into something completely innocuous - is that as she was walking out the door of the gym she turned around and looked kind of in the direction that I was running... unfortunately, I had moved by then to try to get closer to her so I could smile or say hi (but, ironically, she didn't even see me there!).

    I tried to be a bit brave afterwards though - when I finished my workout, instead of going straight out of the gym to the car park, I walked past the cafe/seating area to see if she was there maybe taking a break so I could still attempt to make contact with her. Unfortunately she wasn't there, so I just left. I did say a polite hi to another trainer though - a guy I've seen around a bit - so a tiny step in the right direction!

    Anyway, I'm just going to keep doing my best to make SOME sort of contact for now!

    Sorry for the world's most boring update - I could have probably written all that in one line by saying "nothing happened!"

    Thanks anyway guys! So nice to have people out there caring and rooting for you!
     
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  17. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I think this is a reminder that - if you kinda like someone, it is best to start saying 'hi' and getting to know them sooner than later. It is easy to sit back from afar and build up a person from very little information. When you finally meet them, they may be nothing like you thought.

    But also, it just makes it harder and harder to meet them. Big difference to say 'hi' to the vaguely cute girl from your gym, versus saying 'hi' to the wonderful (in your head at least) lady you've been crushing on for months.

    That being said, people do get over nervousness and meet their crushes every day, and so can @*AJ*. I think you're doing a good job. I hope it turns out well for you. But even if it doesn't, the confidence in getting over your reservations and meeting people is commendable.
     
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  18. Narley

    Narley Well-Known Member

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    Hi Aj, Thanks for the update! You're on the right pathway, with trying to meet her and being a bit more forward. Its great to read about. Keep your chin up, even if nothing "especially exciting" happens just stick to your guns. Rome wasn't built in a day, it will take time to even form a bond of friendship. Goodluck with your endevours for the next meeting!
     
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  19. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    Is it just me that thinks the eye contact isn't a great idea? I wouldn't b in any hurry to maintain that if it is the only form of contact at ur disposal. I think it builds things up, and especially if she is not gay, but even if she is, makes things wierd. I personally would go out of my way to not get caught looking at her until I had an opportunity to be in the same space as her in an situation where I could talk to her.

    See what she drives and park beside her maybe and then it's perfectly natural to say 'hi' if u are there together....even go to the bathroom when she does and have ur eyes meet over the mirror and say something meaningless and casual just to make that initial contact. But no more staring and I wouldn't say 'hi' when ur on a threadmill or something where her initiating a convo would b difficult.

    Hell, marching up and asking her some kinda training question at this stage is no big deal as it's her job. I say 'at this stage' as u know nothing about if she is into girls or if she likes u. She could just b a straight girl, or somebody u don't like at all even personality wise. No point in wasting all those nerves and energy psyching yourself up until you find out. Have a chat with youself, talk youself off the 'omg, I like her so much' ledge you've climbed up on and go and find out if there is anything to like.

    I totally get being shy n stuff, so what I'm suggesting is mentally shifting ur frame of mind in order to minimise the impact of u taking action, which in turn allows u to take action without turning into a gibbering wreck.

    Good luck.


    Edit: I realize I may have sounded a bit aggressive there you poor little thing. I"m sorry, I was on my phone and typing for any length of time on the stoopid thing can inspire the rage and it may have leaked out onto my advice. You are prob just having a bit of fun with your crush and on first reading, I understood you to mean that it was causing you anxiety and was a little less than fun for you. My bad. Sorry. I guess I was just concerned about you making a tit of yourself, but many of the roads to love are paved with making a tit of oneself...so it's not the worst thing in the world.
     
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    Last edited: Dec 3, 2014
  20. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    This very thing happened to me. The trainer I had a crush on seemed to be kind of shy, but I'm not one bit. However, when I have a crush I can't talk to the object of my affections. I become mute. I could talk to all the pretty trainers without any problem, but I just couldn't strike up a conversation with her. So, it was just us catching quick glances in each others direction. One day in the locker room, I got up the nerve to talk to her. She was drinking something right after her workout so I asked what it was. I had a feeling it had to do with working out and turns out it was some sort of protein drink. What I noticed is that she didn't seem to be all that interested in talking to me. She was friendly and polite, but did not engage in conversation.

    A short time later I saw her with a male trainer just outside the gym and they were arm in arm. That pretty much killed my crush. I know some lesbians can crush on straight women, but that information will kill things in their tracks for me. At least I knew she wasn't interested in women and any glances in my direction were probably just because I was a familiar face.
     
    #20

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