Age old question: How do you tell if a femme ...

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by J, Jul 24, 2013.

  1. J

    J Well-Known Member

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    On the old forums there was a topic like this so I thought I'd revive it. I have the annoying problem of being a femme who is into other femmes. I guess there isn't one sure fire way to tell, unless you're in a gay club or gay establishment, but even then that's no guarantee. Being a femme myself, people don't automatically think I'm gay, they just assume I like guys and guys assume I like them, which is frustrating. I guess it doesn't help that I'm not out yet, but it's not like when you see a girl you think is attractive, you're going yell out that you're gay or ask her to her face if she's into women. I know I'm not alone in this, so ladies, how do you do it?
     
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  2. alarminglycharming

    alarminglycharming Active Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    Well my coworker chose this method during lunch:

    Girl 1: I'm glad we have a casual dress code at work, I bought 4 hoodies this year.
    Girl 2: If I bought a hoodie, it'd say "I'M GAY"

    She says this in kind of an annoyed voice and they're both Fresh off the Boat Chinese girls so I was confused about what was happening and if there was some sort of language barrier. :? (And she'd definitely be femme) Then later on:

    Girl 1 (to me): What do people do at parties?
    Me: Uh... what makes you think I'm a partier?
    Girl 2: I don't do anything at parties, just stare at pretty girls.

    Somehow, I'm still not sure if it's a language barrier... so actually maybe shouting it out is still ineffective.
     
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  3. J

    J Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    Haha that's funny...sounds like she is into women to me, but hey, what do i know
     
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  4. halfconfused

    halfconfused Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    I hate it when girls tell you 'hey, I like you, I really like you' after meeting you for the first time.

    Do I have that awesome of a personality and you want to be friends or was she gay?

    ---
    A while back, a friend asked me if I watched Glee and talked about Kurt. (I guess she was testing whether I was gay-friendly?)

    No, I don't know how to tell either. Except, eye contact.
     
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  5. Pi3

    Pi3 Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    @alarminglycharming; haha I don't know your colleagues, but I like them already :D..
     
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  6. Rubicon

    Rubicon Active Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    The idea of eye contact is interesting, Halfconfused, but what kind of eye contact? There are just some people who stare fairly intensely as a habit, and it is hard to differentiate between that and attraction/ interest...
     
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  7. J

    J Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    Yes, that "gay stare" lol...Sometimes I have eye contact with someone who I think is attractive, but I can't tell if it's just that we caught each other's eyes or if there's something more there. I get uncomfortable with direct eye contact in general so I tend to look away. Someone tell me how to master this technique.

    I came across this article today:
    http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/what-it-feels-like-when-you-dont-look-like-a-lesbian/
     
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  8. ImaKnuff

    ImaKnuff Active Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    @J - you can put on a lesbian tattoo :) ! I am facing the same problem as you. We need pretty girls to see us as lesbian. But that never happens. So, if you are interested in some, you can get her Facebook,e-mail or phone number and reveal the fact that you are Lesbian !
     
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  9. halfconfused

    halfconfused Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    re the eye contact:

    i never confirmed it, but it's just a feeling. I'd bet they aren't straight.

    First, you have to be looking around at people when you try this eye contact thing. (i.e., scanning your environment)

    Second, during this can, you notice that another person/girl is scanning too, and you lock eyes.

    Third, even when both of you don't want to be blatantly looking at the other person, you'd still stare a split second longer than a straight girl would before looking away. I think there's a special gay time window.

    mutual stares:
    Too short = straight. Too long = straight
    Just right = not so straight.

    one-way stares (she's looking at you):
    too long = ok, not straight

    truth is, I have little experience, what are your thoughts people?
     
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  10. J

    J Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    Sometimes I look away a little too quickly and obviously I'm not straight, but I'm a little scaredy cat when it comes to eye contact so I guess I need to work on that. Maybe it's all about that "feeling" something you can't really describe in words.
     
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  11. nursevane

    nursevane Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    I'm in the same dreadful boat as you, OP.

    The eye contact thing sounds like a good theory, until you figure out 99.9% of the time you're eyeing a straight girl.

    I, too am assumed to be straight, although I'm out to my family and close friends. I rarely, if ever frequent bars, gay ones or otherwise.

    I have a rainbow key chain attached to my car keys? I know, it's pathetic.

    Sigh*
     
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  12. rachel_700

    rachel_700 Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    Put an HRC sticker on every hard surface you own.
     
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  13. jaysea

    jaysea Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    I too am bad with the eye contact thing. I can never tell if I girl is looking at me cause I looked at her, or if she's interested or what. Then I get paranoid and think she's gonna think I'm a creep and I'm staring at her.

    Then people always comment about smiling but how can you tell if she's smiling cause she's just being friendly or she's interested. Lol it's so hard I wish people could just have like a known sign and make it easier hahah
     
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  14. Brandy Alexander

    Brandy Alexander Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    This is an age old question. What do you say instead of asking it, why don't we come up with a solution for it. I propose we formulate a simple identifying sign we can get out to the LGBT community. Something not so out there it separates us from the heterosexual, but is easily visible to the LGBT'ers. I'm a femme looking for a femme and that is HARD!

    I wear a ring on my left middle finger, but that doesn't seem to work. Desperately Seeking Solutions!
     
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  15. akingtiger

    akingtiger Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    I though there was a code word from the old thread... something like pink cookies?

    Maybe you can say "Do you like... pink cookies?" ala Duke in "She's the Man."
     
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  16. Beyond Infinity

    Beyond Infinity Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    I want to say something else but somehow is related to your question.
    If I was you, I would ask directly. Anyone can create a code in this case. Imo, there is still no point, because even if you show that you're gay, that will not mean your chances of meeting your future beloved, will increase.

    Lets say, I meet a woman in a random place and we make eye contact often, even if I don't know if she's gay, that wouldn't matter for me, because if she is not gay, that doesn't mean she might not be good enough for me as a friend. Regardless the sex orientation, if we are interested reciprocally, I would still want to know that woman. If she is gay and we are interested in each other just because of the sexual orientation, that wouldn't work at all. So above all, it matters the reason of interests; the conclusion is simple, is better to not wipe any possibility to meet any kind of women that wakes up your attention, you never know if one out of ten, might fall in love with you even if she is into men.
     
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  17. J

    J Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    @Beyond Infinity That's an interesting way to look at it. Of course if I start talking to a random girl that I'm interested in and I think she's attractive and she mentions that she has a boyfriend or something, then I would be disaapointed but I would still talk to her if she seems cool and friendly, because like you said, it doesnt mean that she's not worth getting to know as a friend even if she's not into women. I mean, its not like I don't talk to guys simply because I'm not interested in them romantically, if a person is cool, then I'll take the effort to get to know them on some level. But it's just frustrating the guessing game of "is she or isn't she?" It'd be nice to know, but alas, life is not so simple lol. And don't even get me on the subject of straight girls lol, one was too much heartbreak already, I don't need to deal with another (in the romantic sense) haha
     
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  18. Beyond Infinity

    Beyond Infinity Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    It might be frustrating, but it's also challenging, at least will be for me. Still haven't met a woman whom I liked her so much, that I wanted to know her sexual orientation.
    Another advantage of having many kind of friends and lots of them, is that you have more chances to know other women through other women.
    I think the best way is to learn some special cryptography, and when you see a woman that you like, give her a cipher device and if she can decipher that thing, then she is gay, since we are the ones who will learn the codes. But if she is going to use cryptanalysis, it means that she is not gay. :D
     
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  19. rachel7

    rachel7 Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    @halfconfused

    about the stare thing.i always do that quick stare first and then when i realize that she's pretty i do that stealing stare many times so that means i'm really gay?

    i always have that manerism of mine doing steal stares to pretty girls..
     
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  20. MisMashed

    MisMashed Well-Known Member

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    Re: Age old question: How do you tell if a fe...

    Oh Goddd, I'm definitely a member of the hidden femmes club! I usually walk around with a rainbow bracelet IF I feel that it might be advantageous to me wherever I'm going. :cool:
    I have no clue if it helps people percieve me as gay however...would it work on you lovely ladies? When you see a woman wearing a rainbow bracelet, do you assume that chances are she is gay?
     
    #20

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